


The Art of Drowning

by dxxpblue



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Case Fic, Dad Hotch, Family Feels, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapped Aaron Hotchner, Kidnapped Alex Blake, Kidnapped Spencer Reid, Kidnapping, Mom Blake, My First Work in This Fandom, Ngl Spencer does not have a good time in this fic, Season/Series 09, Spencer Reid Whump, Spoilers, Team as Family, also-, references to revelations, tbh this fic is an excuse to write mom Blake and dad Hotch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:35:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 55,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28394739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxxpblue/pseuds/dxxpblue
Summary: "You don't need water to feel like you're drowning, do you?” - Jodi Picoult-When the BAU team gets called in to assist on a case, they quickly realize that everything is not as it seems. With dangers looming around every corner, Spencer finds himself toeing the line between life and death when he's put into a situation where he’s forced to sacrifice himself in order to protect his family.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Alex Blake & Spencer Reid, The BAU Team & Spencer Reid
Comments: 61
Kudos: 232





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! This is my first work in the Criminal minds fandom, so I'm very excited (And nervous-) To post this.
> 
> Originally I wanted this to have like 4 chapters and be maybe 10k words long but now that I'm at 20k I've realized that I'm going to need to space out the chapters a bit more lmaoooo. I have about 4 chapters completed and I'm starting the 5th one soon but I'm like a really slow writer so bare with me-
> 
> I was going to wait till I finished all the chapters before posting this but I'm impatient and the anxiety of seeing what people think has been distracting me, so here ya go I guess.
> 
> Anyways I hope you like this because it's been a lot of fun to write :)
> 
> **Chapter Warnings**  
> Graphic descriptions of corpses, blood, broken bones, hints at depression (Poor Spencer), feel free to tell me if I missed anything!

_The dead cannot cry out for justice. It is the duty of the living to do so for them._

-Lois McMaster Bujold.

***

**November 4th 11:13am**

After everything that had happened with the replicator case and then right after with the twins, Reid was tired.

It hadn’t been a good few months for him and with everything that had been going on he’d felt like he was drowning.

He wasn’t sure what he was drowning in, but with each breath he took a horrible pain blossomed throughout his body, as if cursing him for even being alive. Filling his lungs with a terrible sorrow that only worsened with each passing day.

It was a cloudy and gloomy day which Reid couldn’t help but be grateful for, especially since his migraines had been getting bad again and he wasn't particularly interested in being in the bright sun.

The entire team had a week off work after the back to back stressful cases, but Spencer knew for a fact that it wouldn’t last. Just because they needed a break didn’t mean that serial killers would just stop killing-

No, he knew that it was only a matter of time before he was called in again and forced to place on his happy masks and pretend that everything was fine.

Everything was not fine.

Spencer glanced down at the headstone in front of him, evidence of the fact that nothing was okay anymore.

Nothing had been okay since Maeve died.

It had been months since her death but Reid was still nowhere close to being okay. Yeah, he told the others that he had moved on and was doing alright, but that was just because he was tired of people worrying and wasting their energy on him.

He just… Missed her.

A lot of people had left him in his life, his father, Gideon, Elle, Emily… But none of them had actually died. (Emily’s “death” was much too complicated for him to process anymore, so he decided to ignore it as a whole and pretend it never happened. He found that when he focused on it too much, he would just get a terrible headache)

Maeve on the other hand, died right in front of him and he had the absolute misery of watching the light go out of her beautiful eyes.

He had loved her so much…

The letters and the brief calls they had on Sundays. Reid’s heart swelled just thinking about how much he enjoyed her company. Even though at the time he had no idea what she looked like he knew she was already the most beautiful girl in the world just because of her personality.

But, he should’ve realized that good things in his life never stayed, that good is always fleeting and that darkness and isolation were the only two constants within his life.

Okay- Maybe he was being a little melodramatic but his point still stood.

Nothing good in his life ever lasted very long…

He was brought out of his thoughts by the beeping of his phone, signifying that his hypothesis was correct and that he would indeed be going back to the BAU today. He took a quick look down at the notification and realized it was sent by Garcia. All it said was that they had a new case and he should try to get to the office as soon as possible.

He sighed. If Garcia was telling him to be at the office ASAP then that must mean that the case was bad…

He turned around but not before taking another look at Maeve’s headstone, and then began making the trek out of the cemetery and to the subway station.

He already had a bad feeling about this case and it hadn’t even started.

***

Spencer made it to the office earlier then the others but only by a few minutes. They all sat themselves in the conference room and after a minute or so of casual conversation, Penelope came in, holding a stack of files in her arms, her bright pink heels clicking as she walked and grabbed the remote, turning on the screen to show several images of a brutal crime scene.

From a quick glance Reid was immediately drawn to the words that had been written in blood on a wall behind the victim’s body. The words were all in capital and spelled a very revealing message, it said “Traitor”.

“Hello pretties, I knew today wasn’t going to be a very cheerful day the moment I saw how gloomy it was outside. Last night in Columbia Missouri a retired detective from the Columbia police force was found tied to a chair and was tortured and murdered in his own home.” She clicked her remote again which brought up close up pictures of some of the victim’s injuries,

“His name was Clark Dawson and he had only retired from the force a few months ago. So far there haven't been any leads or suspects and so the Columbia Police have called us to assist in the investigation.” Penelope put down the remote before handing out the files that she was still carrying,

“There’s also been a heavy media presence since he was a Detective so overall this case seems quite icky.” She handed out the last file to Reid, who immediately began looking through the report.

“He had a gunshot wound to the back of his head?” Blake questioned from beside him.

“Yep! ME’s are still doing an autopsy but I think it’s safe to assume that the gunshot is what killed him.”

“That doesn’t make sense though. Sadist’s like to prolong their victim’s torture and a gunshot wound to the head would end the suffering way too quickly…” Morgan added on, obviously confused by the inconsistencies.

“Maybe the unsub isn’t a sadist? I don’t know about you but this looks more mission oriented, especially with the word ‘traitor’ written in big words behind the victim.” Rossi looked up from his own file glancing between the agents.

Reid continued reading through the file at lightning speed but the more he read, the more disconcerted he became,

“This seems personal.” He began, joining into the discussion, “Not only does the word traitor hold personal meaning, but the torture and lack of gag points to the fact that the unsub was looking for something, like a confession… Adding onto the fact that the police can’t seem to find a single piece of evidence, then it points to an organized killer who premeditated the attack.”

Hotch grimaced, “Reid’s right, this unsub isn’t one we should take any chances with. Wheels up in 30.”

***

On the jet, Reid sat himself in the corner of the plane, listening as everyone bounced around ideas, joining in here and there when he felt necessary. At one point in time he caught Blake frowning at him but when she realized that he had caught her staring she dropped her gaze and rejoined the discussion,

“Wait a minute- It says here that the victim’s wife was the one who found the body but that doesn’t make any sense. If he was shot in the head then why didn’t any of his neighbours hear the gunshot and call the police?” Morgan piped up, drawing Reid’s attention back to focusing on the case,

“The neighbour’s across from Mr. Dawson are on vacation in Florida and the one beside him is a really old man who went deaf a few years back. Since the victim’s retirement, he and his wife moved into a less populated area where they could live their life without too much noise and distractions.” Hotch explained, taking a sip out of a mug of coffee once he was done talking.

“That just leaves us with more questions.” JJ sighed, “Did the unsub know that the neighbours wouldn’t hear the gunshot or was he just lucky?”

“I’d say he knew,” Rossi responded, “Judging by the level of sophistication that the unsub possesses, especially since it says here that there was no sign of forced entry even though Mr. Dawson had a security alarm, I’d say he did his research on the neighbours and Mr. Dawson himself before committing the crime.”

“I don’t know… Some things still aren’t adding up-” Blake countered, bringing one of her hands up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear,

“What do you mean?”  
  


The team watched as Blake’s brows furrowed before she began speaking, “I’m not sure but this unsubs behaviour is weird… In one sense the torture and writing on the wall point to an aggravated and emotional unsub, one that shouldn’t be in a clear state of mind, but then there’s the fact that he stalked his victim’s beforehand and was organized enough to not leave evidence behind-”

Reid swallowed, the bad feeling he had earlier coming back tenfold. The way Blake just described it reminded him of something that he would much rather forget…

An unsub with two seemingly different behaviours.

_“Tobias is dead… This case isn’t going to be anything like that one.”_ The rational voice in his head tried to calm him down.

He nervously looked up from his file before swallowing again, “What if there’s 2 unsubs.” He suggested, watching as his other team members processed the information.

“You know, Reid might be onto something actually.” Rossi was the first to speak up and immediately after, Reid felt a sense of relief wash over him for being acknowledged, 

Jeez, he hadn’t felt so unsure of himself since he first had joined the BAU,

_“Get a hold of yourself, you’re acting like a child.”_ He reprimanded, shaking his head slightly. 

“If there are 2 unsubs it could explain the inconsistencies between the behaviour,” Blake agreed, “One unsub stalks the victims prior to the attack and the other is the one who actually tortures and kills them.”

“We can’t know for sure until we find evidence that points to there being 2 unsubs but I agree that it’s a good theory for the time being.” Hotch added on.

Reid opened his mouth to add onto the 2 unsubs theory when Garcia suddenly popped up onto the screen that was mounted to the jet’s wall,

“Hey crime fighters, is there anything I, the most brilliant person in the world can do for you once you get to Columbia?” 

Hotch nodded, “I need you to look into Mr. Dawson’s work history. See if there are any cases that stand out, maybe someone from one of his past cases is back with a vengeance.”

“Gotcha sir, I can do that at lightning speed!”

“The rest of you. JJ, I’m going to need your old communication liaison skills to help deal with the press, me and you can go down to the station and while I’m interviewing Mr. Dawson’s wife, I'm going to need you to see what the media knows and try to calm them down, alright?”

JJ nodded, grinning slightly. Reid knew she sometimes missed her old position within the BAU and so he was happy that she was getting the chance to put her old skills to the test,

“Morgan and Rossi, you two go to the crime scene and look it over. I doubt you’ll find any evidence there but see if you can figure out how the unsubs managed to get inside the house without tripping the alarm.”

Rossi and Morgan shared a determined look between each other before they also nodded,

“And lastly, Reid and Blake, go to the ME’s office and get the autopsy report, see if you can find anything on Mr. Dawson’s body that could point us in the direction of who killed him.”

“Alright, we can do that.” Blake smiled at Hotch and then Reid, and he did his best to return the smile,

“We should be landing soon so make sure you finish reading over the case file and have all of the important details memorized.”

The team all gave nods and hums of affirmations before everyone went to read over their files.

***

Morgan stepped out of the SUV into the chilly November air, falling into step beside Rossi as they made their way up the driveway and into Mr. Dawson’s house.

Morgan’s attention was immediately brought to the living room where a small pool of dried blood laid on the carpet,

“It looks like he was blitz attacked here and then brought into the basement.” Rossi observed, crouching down to look at the blood more closely.

“Yeah but the question is, did the unsubs use a ruse to get in or did they find a way to break in without breaching the security system?”

Rossi paused for a second before standing back up, “Maybe they didn’t need a ruse to be let in.”

“What? You mean like the victim knew the unsubs?” Morgan hadn’t thought of the possibility before but it did make sense. Mr. Dawson could’ve known the unsubs, let them in and while he had his back turned from them he could’ve been hit over the head and knocked unconscious. 

“It’s a possibility that we have to acknowledge since the security alarm should have gone off no matter what. And, if the unsubs did use a ruse I doubt Mr. Dawson would have let them in the house anyways since he was a retired cop. People that come off the force are cautious of this type of thing.”

Morgan nodded, “We should check out the basement and see if we can find anything useful.”

The older man gave a hum of agreement before the two of them made their way past the living room and to an open door leading downstairs.

Morgan went down ahead of Rossi and the first thing he noticed once he was at the bottom of the stairs was a strong smell of bleach. He scrunched his nose slightly from the smell, his nostrils already starting to burn and then glanced around the room.

It seemed that the bleach was used to scrub the floor, probably to get rid of any footprints, but there were still several bloodstains on the walls and shelves that were lining the basement. Morgan slowly stepped closer to the bloody writing on the wall, staring at the words that seemed to be at the core of this murder,

“Hey Rossi. Has forensics figured out if this was written in the victim's blood yet?”

Rossi came up beside him and gave the words a wary glance, “They’re testing as we speak to confirm it, but they said that it’s more than likely that after the unsubs shot Mr. Dawson, they took blood from his wound and then wrote the message.”

Morgan let out a low huff, “Whoever killed Clark Dawson was furious. Looking at the writing up close you can tell that whoever wrote the word “Traitor” was shaking and I don’t think it was out of fear but rather out of rage.”

“Yeah, I noticed that. I think it’s safe to assume that while unsub one wrote the message, unsub two grabbed bleach and started to scrub the floor.” Rossi was looking down at the clean floor with a look of contemplation before bringing his eyes back up to Morgan’s,

“Hey Derek?” 

Morgan took his eyes off of the bloody letters and turned to Rossi, 

“What if unsub two got the bleach from the house itself rather than bringing it with him. Most houses have bleach in them so it’d make sense that he’d just use the one already here rather than bringing his own.” 

Morgan nodded slowly, “Yeah you’re right, let me go check.”

“While you’re looking for the bleach I’m going to head up to the kitchen and see if I can find a bloody knife anywhere. According to the file, it said he had several slashes and even though it’s doubtful I’m going to see if they maybe left the knife lying around somewhere.”

Morgan nodded yet again before he made his way out of the basement, grateful to have the opportunity to leave since the bleach smell was near suffocating (Seriously how much bleach did the unsub use?!) and turned down a hallway beside the basement door that led to several rooms. 

Once he located the bathroom he gently opened the cupboard under the sink and grimaced at the sight.

Rossi had been right, sitting right at the front of the cupboard was a bottle of bleach with a large bloody handprint on it. Morgan doubted they’d get any prints off it since unsub two was probably too paranoid to go without gloves but nonetheless Morgan picked up the bottle, realizing that it was empty and made his way outside to where the forensic team was standing.

Rossi was also waiting outside and after handing over the bleach bottle to one of the evidence collectors they both walked away from the crime scene to head back to the station.

Morgan was already starting to feel frustrated on how little evidence they were able to uncover. Hell, they hadn’t even been able to confirm whether two unsubs really were behind this at all.

Of course the behaviour pointed to there being more than one person but without evidence they had no way to prove it.

He just hoped that the others were having better luck then them.

***

The drive to the ME’s office was quiet. Something that Spencer was internally grateful for, since his head had started pounding ever since they got off the jet.

He knew that Blake had noticed that he wasn’t feeling well, she was someone who could always seem to see past Reid’s masks no matter how hard he tried, but so far she hadn’t said anything.

He wasn’t sure whether he was grateful or disappointed.

After about a 20 minute drive they pulled up to the office and made their way down to where Mr. Dawson’s body was being stored.

The medical examiner was an older plump woman who gave them a kind smile the moment they entered. She showed them their victim’s body and then went on to explain his injuries,

“His cause of death was indeed the gunshot to the back of his head but before he died he received a multitude of injuries. Starting off, he suffered from blunt force trauma to the head which probably knocked him unconscious as well as gave him a concussion, he has multiple slashes across his chest and abdomen, caused by what looks to be an ordinary kitchen knife, four of his fingers were broken on his left hand and two of them were broken on his right, he has a lot of bruising especially around his face and also has a broken nose. It looks like no tools besides the knife were used in the torture but rather the killer used his bare hands to inflict the beatings and broken bones.”

After she finished speaking Blake immediately jumped in, asking her several more detailed questions about the victim’s injuries. He caught onto Blake asking if the victim had any defensive wounds but ultimately he tuned them out in favour of leaning down and examining the cuts along his abdomen and chest. It looked like the unsub started cutting the victim from the lower abdomen, making his way up to his chest, and with each cut he made the more confident he became, making the cuts deeper and deeper.

“Hey Blake… Take a look at this.” He turned his head to look at the older women and she immediately leaned down as well to see what Reid was seeing,

“He was hesitant with the cuts at first but I bet he realized how much he enjoyed hurting the victim and made them deeper and deeper as he went on. Usually with the level of sophistication at the crime scene I’d say that this wasn’t the unsubs first kill but by these cuts it’s obvious that’s not true.” Reid listened as she spoke and nodded once she was done, agreeing with the statement.

“So we have two unsubs, one of thems organized enough to have forensic countermeasures put in place while the other has just realized that they like inflicting pain on others. That sounds like a deadly duo.” Reid scoffed, standing back up away from the body.

“The cause of death still doesn’t make sense though. If the unsub did realize he liked hurting others, why did he kill him so quickly- A single gunshot wound to the head would end the victims life instantly.”

Reid looked back down at the body, glancing at the victim’s fingers, most of them were angled in odd positions and Reid’s mind immediately went back to the crime scene photos. The word “Traitor” at the forefront of his mind,

“Even if the unsub realized he was a sadist, inflicting pain on the victim wasn’t the main objective. They were after something, and if I’m correct I think Mr. Dawson gave it to them… They killed him quickly because pain wasn’t the main goal but information was.” Reid gave Blake a wide eyed look and she seemed to understand what he was saying because she nodded,

“He gave them a list of names… A list of names which has now become the unsubs hit list.”

The medical examiner looked between the two of them before sighing, “Man, profilers sure are impressive, I just hope you guys can catch whoever's doing this so I don’t end up with a pile of bodies over here.”  
  


Blake gave the medical examiner a small smile, “We’ll try our best. Reid, we should head back to the station, I’m sure Morgan and Rossi will be finishing up at the crime scene soon.”

Reid nodded and after the two of them bid the ME farewell they climbed into the SUV and made their way to the Columbia police department.

***

The moment Reid walked into the police station he spotted Rossi and Morgan chatting with Hotch and JJ in what looked to be a conference room. Him and Blake quickly made their way over to them and the closer they got the easier it was to tell that Morgan was frustrated, Rossi too just not as outwardly.

_“I suppose they didn’t have much luck at the crime scene. Figures.”_

The others went quiet as they realized that the two of them had arrived and Reid gave a shaky smile to Morgan, hoping to ease a bit of his tension. Morgan returned the favour and then shrugged,

“I’m hoping you two had better luck then me and Rossi.”  
  


Blake sighed, “If anything, what we found at the medical examiner’s just makes me more worried. This is clearly this unsubs first kill and by the looks of it he learned that he enjoys inflicting pain onto others.”

“Do you still think two unsubs are behind this?” Rossi questioned looking over at Reid,

“I do. If anything, the ME’s was useful in the sense that it helped solidify the theory that there are multiple unsubs. The one unsub who is inflicting the torture and who killed the victim is way too disorganized to be able to put forensic countermeasures in place and hide their tracks.”  
  


Rossi nodded, “Me and Morgan came to that same conclusion while we were at the crime scene but other than that we found nothing. It seems the unsub brought the knife to Mr. Dawson’s home and then left with it because I couldn’t find it hidden anywhere.”

Hotch shared a look with JJ before he jumped into the conversation, “I spoke to Mrs. Dawson and unfortunately she doesn’t have any useful information to share. She was out with friends and got home late and when she did she found her husband. She’s in a pretty bad state so I wasn’t able to get much out of her.” He brought a hand up to his chin frowning slightly before continuing, “Garcia also called earlier and said that she hasn’t found a case that stands out yet and so I told her to look into past coworkers of Mr. Dawson and see if she could find anything.”

Blake and Rossi shared the same look of worry and Morgan seemed even more aggravated than before.

It wasn’t unusual for a case to begin out slow like this but since it was their first case back after their break, Reid was sure that everyone was already feeling burned out… Him included.

“I spoke with the press and I was also unable to get any useful information. Though I do think I was successful in calming the media, so they shouldn’t be as aggressive for the time being.” JJ ran a hand through her hair sighing. A suffocating presence seemed to fill the air the more that they spoke of their failures and Reid felt his headache worsening.

“Were you guys able to find anything else at the crime scene?” He was grasping at this point but they had to have found something.

“I did find an empty bottle of bleach with a man’s handprint on it. Unsub two had scrubbed the basement floor to get rid of any footprints but left the bottle in the bathroom sink. I gave it to forensics to have it tested for prints but it seems he was smart and wearing gloves.”

Reid’s brows furrowed slightly as he processed what Morgan was saying. The other unsub used bleach and scrubbed the floor?

“Hey, Pretty boy. You gonna tell us what that big brain of yours is thinking?”

Reid’s gaze snapped up to meet Morgan’s, “Did the forensics team spray the floor with luminol to check for blood?”

Morgan’s face shifted to one of confusion, “Reid, I just told you that the unsub used bleach and when I say bleach I mean a lot of bleach to scrub the floor. There’s no blood left.”

“Actually that’s not necessarily true.” He looked as his teammates faces held no sort of understanding whatsoever and decided to continue, 

“There’s actually two different types of bleaches. Chlorine bleach and oxygen bleach. Chlorine bleaches can be bought from practically any grocery store while oxygen bleaches are usually only found in like a janitorial cleaning supply store. Oxygen bleaches are more stable and less dangerous to use than chlorine bleaches but they’re less powerful when cleaning up messes. It’s also worth noting that oxygen bleaches last a shorter amount of time so they’ll start turning into water sooner in their container…” Reid realized he had started rambling and so he cleared his throat before continuing onto his main point,

“Even though chlorine bleaches are stronger and more unstable in nature, they actually don’t fully get rid of blood. To the naked eye it looks like the blood is gone but if forensics were to spray luminol onto the cleaned area and then shine a UV light onto it, they’d find traces of haemoglobin and be able to see the outlines of where the blood used to be before it was cleaned. Oxygen bleaches on the other hand have oxidizing agents within them, meaning that haemoglobin are fully removed and unable to be spotted.”

It took a few moments for anyone to fully process what he was saying but it was Hotch who spoke first, “So if our unsub used chlorine bleach to clean the floor then there'd still be traces of blood?”

Reid nodded vigorously, “Yep!”

Hotch’s face morphed back into determination, “Okay then. You and Morgan can call up the forensic team and let them know before heading over to the crime scene to see what they find. If there are indeed 2 unsubs then this is the evidence that we’ll need to prove it.”

Reid nodded again before turning to Morgan,

“Then let’s go kid.”

***

It didn’t take them very long to call up the forensic team and drive to the victim’s house. Morgan and him both exited the car quickly, greeting one of the forensic scientists before heading down into the basement where an older male was standing. 

“I just sprayed the luminol and so now all we need to do is shine the UV light onto the floor. I checked the bleach bottle that you found under the sink and it’s indeed a chlorine bleach so we should be able to see where the blood originally was.” The man explained, gesturing towards the floor,

  
“Usually my coworkers would test for hemoglobin despite if bleach was used just because there’s always the chance that traces can still be found, but we’ve recently gained a lot of younger employees who are still in training so it slipped their minds. I apologize for that.”

Morgan gave him a slight smile, “It’s fine. Most people naturally don’t think to check for something they can’t see.”

“Thanks, if you don’t mind could you flip off the light switch?” He turned his attention towards Reid who nodded and immediately turned around to flip off the switch.

The moment he did the room was engulfed into darkness and subconsciously he felt himself tensing.

He remembered his conversation with Morgan years prior and was slightly amused (and irritated) that his fear of the dark was still ever so present.

_“Yeah Reid, why are you still afraid of the dark?” Morgan asked the younger man with a teasing glint in his eyes._

_Reid pouted, “Because of the inherent absence of light!”_

He shook himself out of his thoughts just as the forensics man held the UV light to the floor.

Immediately it began glowly a pale blue and Reid squinted his eyes to make out the different bloody footprints,

“...Reid- Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Morgan's brows were furrowed and his eyes were widened slightly. Spencer glanced over at him with a concerned look on his face, “Yeah I’m seeing it alright.”

His eyes went back down to the floor and he felt a knot beginning to form in his stomach.

They were right about there being multiple unsubs but they seemed to have gotten the number wrong, because on the floor there were not 2 but 3 pairs of shoes and one of them was definitely from a female.

“So we’re looking at a team of 3 people and not just 2?” Morgan questioned, clearly caught off guard by the development.

“It seems that way, but I have no clue how this female unsub fits into the equation. You said that the handprint on the bleach bottle belonged to a male and by the brutality of torture inflicted onto Mr. Dawson, only a man would be physically strong enough do hurt him like that. We have the generic dominant and submissive partners but then there’s just a random female who’s with them?” Reid’s mind was already racing a mile a minute trying to figure out any way that she could fit into this killing team.

It was possible that she was the one stalking the victim’s beforehand to see when they were most vulnerable, but why was she doing that and even more importantly, if she was just the information gatherer why was she going with the other two unsubs to watch them kill Mr. Dawson?

Reid’s heart was pounding in his chest and he realized that this case was far from over. This team of 3 was incredibly organized and it was clear that they were far from killing.

No, they had only just gotten started…

***

And so it turns out Reid was right, because at that exact moment on the other side of the city, another man was being killed. This time a police lieutenant. A police lieutenant who was desperately trying to free himself from the bonds that kept him on the chair and who watched as 3 people stood in front of him.

The oldest man, the one in the middle grinned, “Shall we get started then?”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter warnings**  
> Graphic descriptions of bodies, torture, blood, some swearing.

_ Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. _

-Confucius (504 B.C.)

***

It was in the middle of the night when they got the call.

Another murder had occured, this one of a senior police liutenenat that had been on the force for more then 20 years. His name was Brad Johnson and like the first victim, he had been tortured and shot in his basement.

The only thing that was different about this murder was that the neighbours (Or one older lady who happened to be awake.) heard the gunshot and contacted the police. Unfortunately they arrived too late to catch the unsubs but Reid was hopeful that they left more evidence behind since they would’ve had to rush to get out of the house.

The moment the team heard the news, all traces of sleepiness vanished, it was instead replaced by deep concern that had been present in all of them since they had found out that there were 3 unsubs instead of just 2.

They made their way over to the victim’s house. Reid, Morgan and JJ in one car while Rossi, Hotch and Blake were in the other.

Police sirens were flashing outside of the house and Reid first took notice of the ever familiar crime scene tape that had been placed across the perimeter.

He took a quick glance at his phone, grimacing when he saw that it was 4 am. He knew today was going to be a long day and he was already prepared to rely solely on coffee to stay awake and attentive.

“Alright, Me, Blake and Reid are going to take a look at where the victim's body was found. JJ and Morgan you two go interview the neighbour and see if she saw anything and Dave, could you speak with the officers. They’re going to be antsy since another one of their own has been murdered and I need you to get through to them so they don’t go out and do something rash.” Hotch ordered in a serious tone, The red and blue flashing lights bouncing off him while he spoke.

Everyone nodded and Reid, along with Hotch and Blake quickly made their way to the front of the house. An anxious looking officer was standing guard at the entrance and they all quickly flashed their badges before Blake spoke up, 

“Do you know if there was any sign of forced entry?”

The officer frowned, “Y-Yeah, it looks like they forced open the door with a crowbar or something… Lieutenant Johnson was always against having a security system. He always said that his gun was his best safety…”

Blake’s brows furrowed and she looked over at Hotch, “They didn’t use a ruse this time. I wonder why that is?”

The officer standing at the front of the door shifted on his feet, “Um, I’m not sure if I should say this but Lieutenant Johnson isn’t a very approachable person. I heard you all talking at the station earlier and you were saying that whoever did this might know the victims. If that were the case, I doubt he’d let them in whether he knew them or not…”

Reid’s eyebrows furrowed. This officer wouldn’t stop fidgeting- He would usually count it up to being nervous, especially since one of his superior’s was murdered, but the way he kept shifting his eyes to the floor in order to avoid eye contact, made Reid think that he knew more than he was letting on.

“Officer… Torez?” Reid glanced down at his badge before beginning to speak again, “Is there something you’re not telling us?”

The officer’s face paled and Reid watched as a bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. Both Blake and Hotch were watching the exchange with serious looks on their faces and Officer Torez bagan frantically looking between the three FBI Agents, 

“U-Uh no- I’m just… I’m just stressed out- Lieutenant Johnson was my boss and I spoke with h-him alot-” His stuttering clearly revealed that he was lying, but after Reid glanced at Hotch and he shook his head, the younger man decided to stand down,

“Alright then.” He said simply, watching as the officer relaxed slightly.

He shared another glance with both Hotch and Blake but after a moment Hotch turned around to head inside the house. Reid and Blake followed behind him, 

“He was clearly lying.” Blake said, her lips pulled into a tight frown.

Hotch nodded, “I know, but grilling him about it will just make things worse. Once we’re done investigating here I’m going to call Garcia and ask her to do some digging on him.”

They made their way to the staircase that surely led to the basement and Reid was curious to see what word was written above the victim this time. The phone call only mentioned that there was another victim so he had no clue what to expect when he walked down there.

“You two go down and see what you can find. I’m going to go check Johnson’s bedroom. It’s late at night so I bet he was sleeping when they broke into the house.” Blake announced, already turning around to go upstairs.

Reid and Hotch nodded and slowly made their way down the steps and into the dim lit basement. Reid immediately smelt bleach but after looking down he realized the unsub did a much sloppier job, “Unsub two probably realized that the cops were coming and so he didn’t have enough time to thoroughly scrub the floors. Not that it matters anyway since we used the UV light but…” Reid explained, trailing off as his eyes found the body of the deceased Lieutenant. He was tied to a chair like the last victim and Reid could see blood oozing out of the gunshot on his head.

The torture had also increased- Reid wasn’t sure he could find a single patch of skin that wasn’t bruised or bloody. His focus then went from the body and up onto the wall, his eyes taking in the word written in big, bold, bloody letters.

Murderer. 

Hotch walked up the letters and examined them from a closer perspective, “The increase in torture and the word ‘murderer’ defineitly signify that the unsub knew lieutenant Johnson personally.”

Reid nodded, “This looks like a revenge kill. I think it’s safe to assume that Mr. Dawson gave the unsubs a list of names and now they’re carrying out kills according to it.”

Hotch turned back from the words and gave Reid a look, “Even if that’s the case we still don’t know how the female unsub fits in.”

His brows furrowed and he considered several possibilities before speaking, “Maybe she's a psychopath who derives pleasure from watching others get tortured, she could be with the unsubs for the sole purpose of watching them kill people?”

He crouched down in front of the body of Brad Johnson and looked at his injuries closer. All of his fingers were broken and he had 34 lacerations across his abdomen and chest that were all moderately deep. He also seemed to be stabbed through the hand with a knife judging by the fact that there was a gaping hole on the back of his palm. Other than that, it seemed unsub one spent a lot of his time beating lieutenant Johnson with his bare hands, another sign that this kill was personal.

“Female psychopaths are uncommon but that is a possibility…” Hotch spoke after a beat of silence.

“Actually they’re a lot more common than most people think. Of course compared to males they’re are fewer of them, but overall female psychopaths can be found pretty much anywhere. One percent of the general population is a psychopath and though that seems like a small number it actually means that every 1 in 100 people are psychopathic. Out of that one percent, around 0.7 percent are males and 0.3 are females so in all actuality female psychopaths are still pretty prevalent in our world.”

Reid looked up at Hotch after he was done explaining and found his boss staring at him with a frown across his features,

“Oh… I was rambling wasn’t I? Sorry, you could’ve told me to stop-” He spluttered, biting his lip to stop him from speaking any further. 

Hotch’s frown lessened, “I’m not upset, I was just thinking about how concerning it is that so much of our population is made up of psychopaths-”

Reid felt himself relax and gave Hotch a small smile, “Quite a lot of Psychopaths don’t turn out to be violent if that makes you feel any better. Only 25% of criminals are psychopaths, so for the most part, they’re just people whose brains are wired differently and who are trying to fit into society.”

Hotch tilted his head slightly, his usual stern expression replaced by a look that Spencer couldn’t place (Was the look fond? No, that was probably wishful thinking on his part) and at that moment a pair of footsteps came from the top of the stairs and Blake appeared,

“I was right about him being in bed when the unsubs broke in. His bedsheets are a mess and a lamp from his nightstand was knocked over.”

“This kill is a lot more violent than the last one so we’re thinking it might have been significant to the unsubs in some way.” Hotch explained, turning around to fully face her.

She nodded in agreement, “If you guys are finished down here then we should head outside and talk to Morgan and JJ. I’m pretty sure they’re done speaking with the neighbour.”

“Yeah, we’re pretty much finished down here, we can go now.” Hotch looked back at Reid and gestured for him to follow the other. Reid climbed the stairs behind the other two and they made their way out into the chilly night sky. It was raining slightly and Reid immediately pulled his coat tighter around himself. The police sirens weren’t making any sounds but their lights continued flashing, splashing Reid’s vision with colourful bursts of red and blue.

Morgan and JJ were beside one of the SUVs and were chatting with Rossi who had his back turned to them. JJ was the first one to notice them emerge and when she did she gave Reid a kind smile and waved at him. Reid smiled back and the others noticed their return, 

“Were you guys able to find anything?” JJ queried, her question seeming to be directed at Reid.

“Kind of. Lieutenant Johnson was tortured way more than Mr. Dawson and the word written above him was ‘murderer’. We’re thinking that this was an important and extremely personal kill for the unsubs.”

JJ’s smile faltered slightly, “I wonder what these victims did to earn this level of rage from the unsubs…”

Hotch suddenly stood up straighter as if remembering something, “Oh yeah. I’ve got to go call Garcia about a possible lead, one minute-” He quickly turned away, pulling out his phone and Reid watched as he quickly pressed on Garcia’s contact.

“A possible lead?” Morgan questioned, watching as Hotch talked on the phone.

“It might be nothing, but before me, Hotch and Reid went inside the house, there was this super fidgety officer who worked under Lieutenant Johnson. When Reid asked him if he knew anything he looked close to having a nervous breakdown and denied knowing anything. It was kind of easy to see that he was lying though-” Blake explained, also observing as Hotch talked to Garcia.

“Yeah I know who you’re talking about.” Rossi began slowly, “I went to go talk to the younger officers to make sure they knew not to leak anything to the media and I found this one guy who wouldn’t stop throwing up at the side of the house. He told me he knew lieutenant Johnson and was just upset that he was dead, but he didn’t make eye contact with me the entire time he was talking…” 

Reid’s brows furrowed. Did the officer know who might’ve killed Mr. Johnson? If that was the case, why was he so afraid to tell them?

Reid glanced over at the young officer in question and for a moment it felt like time slowed. The younger officer sensed someone looking at him and raised his head, his eyes meeting Reid’s. The police lights continued flashing red and blue, causing dark contrasts across the officers face, and for a moment the two just stared at each other, the officers expression showing one of deep concern and Reid’s showing nothing more then a slight frown.

The moment barely lasted a few seconds and as soon as it came it disappeared. The young officer dropped his gaze and Reid turned back to look at his teammates.

“What did the neighbour say?” Hotch asked, shoving his phone back into his pocket and rejoining the conversation.

“The first thing she told us was that she wasn’t even supposed to be home. She said she had plans to visit her daughter and grandkids but that they got sick and so she decided to stay home last minute.” JJ recounted, the slight rain creating a mist over her FBI coat.

“She also told us that she saw the unsubs.” Morgan began, pausing as a look of slight surprise passed over everyone's faces,

“She said that she looked out of her window when an unfamiliar car pulled up and she watched as a man and a woman who looked to be a couple, got out of the car and made their way to the front door. Then a younger man also got out of the car but she says he looked like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world then where he was right then…”

“So these unsubs aren’t just getting lucky with the neighbours. They check to see when no ones there to call the police and then go. They were probably surprised when they realized the neighbour was home and had to rush to get out before the police came.” Rossi’s voice held understanding within it, like he had fit together a piece of a puzzle.

“By the way the neighbour described her, the dominant unsub’s girlfriend seemed to be super excited. Is there any chance that the girlfriend’s a sadist too?” Morgan asked, looking at Hotch.

“Me and Reid were discussing that possibility earlier and it sounds like it.” 

The team shared a look, “So we have a dominant unsub whos recently learned he’s a sadist and who’s physically fit, a second submissive unsub who’s fearful and paranoid, making forensic countermeasures to keep us off their trail and a female unsub who’s there for the sole purpose of watching her boyfriend torture and kill people-” Morgan’s voice sounded disbelieving and he shook his head slightly.

“Doesn’t that sound like an absolutely lovely team?” Rossi said sarcastically.

***

A man was sitting on a sofa, watching as a news broadcaster went over the recent death. A retired detective who was tortured and murdered in his own home…

The man grinned.

Apparently the story of his second murder hadn’t gotten out yet, but he was sure when it did the media would be all over that too! God, he felt such a rush at being the centre of all this. Knowing that the media was talking about _him_ when they mentioned the murders.

He could still remember as that bastard Clark Dawson slowly lost his nerve, crying out and begging for forgiveness at the end. He had given him mercy too! After the retired detective gave him the names of everyone else involved, he shot him in the head and let him die a quick death.

Lieutenant Brad Johnson was even more fun to torture. At first he tried ordering him to let him go and every time he thought back on that memory he laughed. He had been completely bound to a chair and thought he could still order him around. What a pathetic asshole.

Watching as his resolve broke apart had been absolutely euphoric. Hearing as he said he was sorry, watching as fear filled his eyes when he spotted the gun in his hand, it all brought a pleasant tingle down his spine.

A woman entered the room and walked behind the sofa where the man was currently seated. She wrapped her arms around him from behind, leaning in so he could see her face,

“I’ve heard that the FBI was called onto the case, isn’t that exciting babe!” The girl chirped, her red lipstick contrasting the blue of her eyes.

“It is, but getting the FBI involved isn’t the main objective. All I want is to bring those bastards to justice for what they did. If the FBI tries covering up his death just like the police did then we might have a problem.” 

The girl pouted, “I’ve heard some nasty things about what the FBI have done, but I never thought about them covering up his death. Do you think we should just kill them?”

The man contemplated that for a moment. He could only imagine how elating it would be to kill a federal Agent- No he couldn’t- He promised  _ him _ that they would only kill the people on the list and then be done… 

“We don’t know if they’re going to be an issue yet so we should hold off for now and just stick to the list. I bet he’s almost done figuring out who we should target next.” The man felt bitter telling her that. He hadn’t realized it until two days ago but the feeling of hurting someone, especially someone who deserved it, brought a sick satisfaction to his entire being. He craved to just go out right now and kill another, the cops be damned!

His girlfriend seemed to think the same way because she frowned, “We can hold off for now… I know _ he _ doesn’t like what we’re doing but if the FBI is going to stop us from completing the list then we have to get rid of them… Plus you looked super hot when you were breaking that lieutenant's fingers.”

He gave her a cocky grin, “Don’t worry. We’ll go out soon and deal with more of those fuckers, just be patient my darling.”

She giggled and from that moment on the man couldn’t get the thought of hurting… killing a federal agent out of his mind.

He could only imagine the rush he’d get from killing someone of that status-

He found himself hoping that the FBI were worse than the police, just so he had a reason to go after them

***

The team had stayed up for the rest of the night, bouncing ideas off of each other and looking for any possible leads.

That anxious police officer from the crime scene seemed to be their best bet at learning anything, but since arriving at the station, Spencer hadn’t spotted him again.

They had called the force to come into the conference room where they were set up, and at the moment Hotch was beginning to deliver the profile,

“The unsubs we’re looking for are a team of 3. We believe that the dominant male is the oldest and he’ll come across as confident, sociable and cocky. He’s a sadist who gets off on killing but he never strays too far from his original goal, which is to kill certain people from this police force.”

Reid glanced around the room and watched as the officers scribbled down notes, listening to them intently. They were the most focused cops he had ever seen. Not that he could blame them- All of them were in danger of being targeted…

“The submissive male in this team is probably closely related to the dominant, he’s possibly the younger brother.” Morgan’s voice brought Reid out of his observations and he went back to listening to the profile, 

“This unsub will come across as more shy and reserved but he will not come across as strange or weird. We believe that the close relationship to the dominant unsub may have rubbed off on him and so even though he naturally stuck with a bit of more mellow personality, he will still come across as moderately charming, just not cocky.”

“Despite his more reserved personality, it’s important that you don’t underestimate him.” Blake’s voice was the next to speak up, “Even though he’s submissive, he is still willingly taking part in these murders. His exposure to the dominant unsub will probably cause him to become violent if we were to corner him.”

Reid cleared his throat, knowing that he said he’d talk about the female unsub, “The female unsub is like a wildcard within this team but she’s probably the most dangerous out of the two. Unlike the male unsubs she doesn’t seem to be there to get revenge, she’s only there because she derives pleasure from watching the victims get brutalized and killed. Female psychopaths are more uncommon than male so it’s important to be careful when initiating any contact with her.” He watched as several officers nodded along and after a quick glance around the room he had to force himself not to frown when he realized the anxious officer hadn't even shown up to the profile briefing- 

Yet again he brought his attention back to the profile when JJ began talking as well, “The dominant male and female unsub feel empowered by the amount of media coverage these murders have been getting but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. If we can get the unsubs to focus on the media more than the actual murders, then they might become more sloppy or even directly contact the media out of excitement.”

The last person to speak was Rossi, “These unsubs seem to be holding a grudge against the Columbia police in particular, so they were probably involved in a case awhile back that either got one of them arrested or a case where a loved one of theirs was arrested or killed. Task oriented killers will not stop killing so it’s vital that we apprehend them as soon as we can. Thank you.”

The other officers immediately dispersed after Rossi finished speaking and Reid quickly turned to Hotch, “That officer didn’t come to the briefing-”

Hotch glanced around the room before he turned back to Reid, “You’re right… Penelope still hasn’t called back with information on him, but I haven’t seen him all morning which is odd.”

Blake came up beside the two, “He was definitely hiding something- What if he ran away out of fear?”

Reid took another look around the police station, his frown deepening, “I can go find him if you want. He might’ve been sent home since he kept throwing up at the crime scene…”   
  
Hotch took a moment to contemplate his suggestion before sighing, “I don’t know what else to do so go ahead. I’d come with you but he seemed to be pretty anxious with all 3 of us talking to him, so I think another person would just put him on edge. Hopefully you can get him to talk.” 

The older man passed Reid the keys to one of the SUVs and he nodded before swiftly turning around and making his way out of the police station. He pulled out his phone, dialing Garcia’s number from memory and it only rang twice before she picked up, 

“Hello my wonderful boy genius, what can I do for you on this fine day?” Garcia’s cheerful voice never failed to put a smile on his face. He continued making his way towards the car, the keys dangling in his grip. It had continued raining throughout the night, carrying into the daytime so Reid had to sidestep quite a few puddles on the pavement,

“Hey Garcia, I need the address of that officer who Hotch told you to look into earlier.” He heard the sound of Garcia typing away and after a moment she began speaking again,

“I sent the address to your phone but I’m almost done compiling the information I found on him. Why the sudden rush to go to his house?”

“He skipped the profile briefing and so I’m just making sure he didn’t book it out of the city.” He heard Garcia giggle on the other line and felt another smile tug at his lips.

“Poor guy, Hotch told me he wouldn’t stop throwing up at the crime scene. I almost feel bad for him.”

Reid reached the car and quickly unlocked it before stepping around to the drivers door. It had been awhile since he drove and he was excited to have the chance to be behind the wheel for a bit.

“I’d feel bad for him if he wasn’t so obviously hiding information. Anyways, I’ve got to go but I hope your information gathering goes smoothly.”   
  


“Awe, boy wonder you’re too kind. I’ll call the team up later. Bye!” She hung up the phone and he put the keys into the ignition, looking down at the address she had sent him.

Hopefully he could get the officer to talk.

***

The man was seated in a car at the front of a house. He would be inside of the house finishing their next target if it weren’t for the fact that the other person seated next to him wouldn’t stop  _ whining _ .

“Do we really have to kill him? I did a bunch of research on him and he seems like a really good guy. Plus he’s not very high in the ranks so they probably forced him to cover up his death.”   
  
The man gritted his teeth. Dealing with his younger brother was a 24/7 challenge and half the time he found he had to restrain himself from knocking some sense into said younger brother,    
  


“How many times have I got to explain this to you?!” He was seething with anger, “We're avenging his death and serving justice to the people who covered it up. This man was on the list that Dawson gave us so he’s not a good person.”

He gave his younger brother the sternest look he could muster and he watched as the other male shrank back into his seat.

“He’s dead because of these stupid fucking police! No one’s going to avenge him except us, so you’ve got to get your shit together and help. She’s waiting for us at the front of the house and instead of helping her get inside and finish the job, I’m stuck in here dealing with you. Now come on, do you want to help or not?”

His younger brother hesitated for a moment before slowly nodding,

The man felt himself relaxing, feeling slight remorse ro getting so upset.

“That’s my Tommy.” He ruffled his hair affectionately, “Now let’s get going and once the deed is done we can be on our way.”

The younger male gave the other a shaky smile and the two of them got out of the car and made their way towards the girl who was standing at the front.

He smiled slightly. He wanted to make this next victim count.

***

It took approximately 15 minutes to get to Officer Torez’s house. He lived on an isolated street, one with few neighbours, and once Reid parked and got out of the SUV he immediately realized that something was wrong.

Maybe it was from the instincts he had gained from working with the BAU for a decade, but he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as he stood on Torez’s front lawn. He quickly pulled out his gun from where it was situated on his hip and slowly made his way to the front door.

His heart thudded loudly in his ears as he realized that the front door was open and just as he was about to enter the house, a car started from across the street drawing his attention.

He spun around, pointing his gun and watched as a dark blue Toyota pulled off the side of the road and hastily began driving away.

Reid shouted, “FBI! Stop right now!” But he ultimately knew it was hopeless, as the car swerved down another road. 

The windows were tinted so he couldn’t see the exact features of who was inside, but there were definitely 3 people. His eidetic memory had already helped him in catching the license plate and so he filed that away for later, in favour of turning back to the officer’s house.

He slowly went inside, holding his breath and keeping his gun trained in front of him. When he found the open door to the basement he knew what he was going to find inside.

_ “I’m too late… Dammit, why am I always too late to save anyone?!” _

He smelt the telltale signs of bleach as he descended the stairs and he squeezed his eyes shut for a second once he reached the bottom of the steps. Even though he knew what to expect, he still couldn’t stop his breath from catching in his throat after he reopened his eyes.

Adam Torez, The anxious officer who was their only lead to figuring out what was going on, was hanging from the ceiling, his wrists bound and tied to a support beam. The absence of the chair meant that the unsub was improvising now… Trying to think of new ways to torture his victims.

_ “It certainly makes the ambiance more creepy.”  _ He thought to himself bitterly, moving closer to the officer’s lifeless body.

He seemed to be tortured less than the lieutenant, but that didn’t mean that he was unharmed… Far from that actually-

He didn’t have any cuts on him like the last two victims but he was covered in bruises like the unsub repeatedly punched him and Reid furrowed his eyebrows when he realized that both of the officer’s shoulders were dislocated. 

The cause of death was still a gunshot wound to the head and Reid stepped past the officer’s body to look at the word that was written in the same large letters as the other two,

Liar.

Reid glanced back at the dead body of what was formerly Adam Torez and frowned. Liar was an accurate description of the man, considering the whole crime scene thing, but that didn’t mean he deserved to die…

He refused to tell them what he was hiding… He was more scared to reveal what he knew then of the actual murderers themselves. In the end that’s probably what got him killed.

Reid slowly pulled out his phone and dialed Hotch’s number. He felt numb, like the world wasn’t real anymore and after several rings the voice of his boss sounded through his phone, 

“Hotchner.” He said simply. Reid opened his mouth to speak and momentarily found himself unable to form any words. He cleared his throat and he heard shuffling on the other line.

“Reid? Are you okay?” Hotch’s voice was one of concern, something that Reid still wasn’t entirely used to. 

He opened his mouth to speak again and this time he was pleased when words didn’t fail him, “He’s dead Hotch.”

“What?! Who’s dead?” Reid heard more shuffling on the other line of the phone and several voices in the background that he couldn’t fully make out.

“Torez. Officer Torez is dead. They got to him first Hotch…” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 3rd chapter is where the plot really picks up so I'll post it soon (Probably after I finish chapter 5 since I still want to stay ahead lmao)
> 
> Anyways I hope you like this even though this chapter isn't one of my favourites- I sort of needed it to help build up the plot but it was a pain in the ass to write fbhwjbf.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed that instead of 7 chapters there's now going to be 8, and basically the reason behind that is I can't stop over-writing dssvqhdebh
> 
> I'm currently working on chapter 7 which is crazy because I finished both chapter 5 and 6 yesterday- I'm hoping that I'll have the entire fic done today but we'll have to see because I've been writing so so so much recently :)
> 
> Hehe this chapter is where the main plot comes into play and so I hope you like it ;)
> 
> (Chapter warnings are in the end notes because they contain spoilers!)

_ They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.  _

_ -Banksy _

***

It had been several hours since Reid found Adam Torez’s body hanging in his basement. It sort of felt like time had mushed together, like he was speeding through the rest of the day with no recollection of what he was doing.

His body was on autopilot and he couldn’t get the image of the young officer's dead body out of his mind.

It wasn’t like this was the first dead body that he had ever seen- He had seen hundreds ever since joining the BAU, but the thought that he had been only a few minutes late to prevent his death left a numb feeling throughout his body.

He was seated in the precinct, stressed cops and detectives running past him while carrying stacks of reports and cups of coffee. They all just seemed like a blur in his vision, like they weren’t even real. Just blobs of colours that passed by.

He didn’t even remember how he got to the station- when did he get here? He was just in Torez’s basement and when he blinked he found himself back here…

No that was wrong. Reid used the last of his energy to think back. He had an eidetic memory, he had to remember how he ended up back here.

Reid’s brows furrowed as he closed his eyes. Trying to remember the basement and what had happened after he called Hotch.

The sounds of the other officers around him faded to nothing and the next time he opened his eyes he was standing back on the concrete floor of the Torez’s basement.

_ He glanced around the basement, he had been too focused on the body when he was actually down there that he didn’t have time to catalogue everything that was in the room. _

_ The walls were made of concrete as well but there were several posters and photos that decorated the walls, giving the room a more lively feeling. There was a light that was situated in the centre of the room on the ceiling that didn’t provide much lighting whatsoever, maybe that was why there was another lamp in the corner of the room on what looked to be an old shelf. _

_ Reid walked closer to the shelf in question and noticed an assortment of books on the upper and lower shelvings. They were all books about being on the police force- The ones on the top shelf seemed to be fiction, Reid quickly spotted a copy of Sherlock Holmes, and a book by Agatha Christie, “The murder of Roger Ackroyd” but when he looked on the bottom shelf he noticed that it was filled with articles and journals about people on the force. _

_ Reid forced himself to turn away from the shelf, sadness threatening to swallow him whole. He seemed to be passionate about his work… _

_ He took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily and when he opened them he resumed his search around the room. _

_ The officer’s body was still hanging from the support beam but Reid paid him no attention (Or tried to anyways) and instead went to the other side of the room where there was a desk and chair. Reid glanced down at a piece of paper that was left at the top of the desk and frowned. _

_ It was blank. _

_ Reid knew for a fact that his memory wasn’t failing him, so why was there a blank piece of paper with a pen laying beside it but no written words. _

_ He felt a knot in his stomach form as he realized that Torez was probably sitting down to write something when he got attacked… It made sense considering there were no signs of a struggle in any other room. _

_ Reid closed his eyes again. He had looked around the room and his mind felt a little less foggy. Now he needed to remember how he left the house. _

_ He reopened his eyes and he was standing in front of the body just staring at it. _

_ He couldn’t move- _

_ All he could do was stand there and watch the officer’s corpse. _

_ He vaguely felt himself loosely gripping his phone in his right hand but he knew that no one was on call. He had hung up after telling Hotch that Torez was dead. _

_ He just kept standing in the same spot unmoving and after what felt like hours he finally heard someone hesitantly walking down the steps into the basement. _

_ “Reid?” It was Hotch’s voice but Reid didn’t acknowledge that he heard him. No- he couldn’t acknowledge him… His limbs seemed to be working against him and he was frozen in place. _

_ “He died minutes before I arrived at the house… If I had drove even a bit faster he could be alive right now.” His voice sounded unlike his own. Like a stranger had taken over his body and was speaking for him. _

_ Hotch slowly came into his field of vision and finally, finally he could move. He turned his head to the side slightly and gave his boss a defeated look. _

_ “Reid, listen to me. This isn’t your fault… You’re not the one who pulled the trigger.” Hotch reached out his hand as if to set it gently on Reid’s shoulder but seemed to think better of it because a second later he dropped his arm back down. _

_ “I know… But I could’ve saved him.” _

_ An image of Maeve’s dead body flashed in his mind and he wanted to curl into a ball and hide from the world. Why wasn’t his best ever good enough? _

_ His lower lip trembled and he broke eye contact with Hotch, looking at his shoes instead. _

_ Hotch hesitated for a moment or so before speaking again, this time in a gentler voice, one that Reid’s heard him use when speaking to Jack, “I’m going to take you back to the station alright?” _

_ Reid nodded slowly but his legs were stuck in place. They stayed like that for several moments before Hotch reached out again but this time he actually set it on Reid’s shoulder, gently guiding him away from the body. _

Reid’s eyes shot open and he jerked his head back and forth, looking around the precinct.

“Whoa there, pretty boy- It’s just me.” Reid’s head snapped to the left, his eyes finally focusing enough to see Morgan standing beside him.

“O-Oh sorry I just…” Reid didn’t really know what to say and so he opted for silence instead.

“You can’t beat yourself up about this man. It’s in no way your fault that Torez got killed.” Morgan’s eyes held unmasked concern and Reid felt terrible that he was making others worry for him yet again.

“I know… It just really sucks- I can’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if I’d gotten to his house a few minutes earlier.”

Morgan sighed, “If you had gotten there a few minutes earlier then I’m sure you would’ve just become another victim. There’s 3 of them Reid… You couldn’t have saved Torez even if you tried.”

Reid looked down at the ground before nodding, He could tell that Morgan was still staring at him and after a moment he spoke up, 

“Hotch wanted me to come get you because Garcia said she found out the connection that the victims shared, but if you need to sit this one out it’s alright.”   
  


His head snapped up and he stared at Morgan with disbelief, “She found the connection?!”

Morgan smiled, “Yep, she should be calling in a few minutes. Are you coming?”

Reid stood up quickly, all traces of sadness gone. Garcia had found the connection and possibly the unsubs themselves. They could finally progress in this case.

In the end that’s all he could do, Adam Torez was dead and the only way he’d feel better about not saving him was if he got the 3 people responsible sent to prison.

He still felt an underlying sense of sorrow but it wasn’t anything new, so for the time being Reid shoved any negative emotions in a small corner in the back of his mind, only allowing his focus for the case to be present.

Emotions were messy anyways. He didn’t mind pushing them aside for now

He walked along Morgan through the bustling precinct and they made their way to the conference room. The moment they entered the concerned stares of his teammates were directed at him. He felt his face heating up with embarrassment but quickly pushed it down, forcing himself to ignore the looks he was currently receiving.

“Spence. Are you okay?” JJ was the first to voice her concerns to him and Reid felt himself becoming irritated. He just wanted to focus on the case, no more emotions just the case.

“I’m fine.” He tried saying it as neutrally as possible, but JJ didn’t seem convinced. She opened her mouth to say something more but thankfully Blake put her hand on her shoulder, effectively shutting her up.

Reid gave the older women a grateful smile before he sat himself at the table situated in the centre of the room.

It wasn’t that he was mad at JJ or anything, she was his best friend after all… It was just that he was tired of hearing everyone ask him if he was okay. He just wanted to finish this case, go home and… He wasn’t sure what else he wanted to do but-

The ringing of the phone snapped him out of his thoughts and Hotch immediately answered, “You’re on speakerphone Garcia.”

“Hello my lovely friends! I believe I have found the connection between victims and I might’ve possibly figured out who's behind this!” Everyone in the conference room smiled at her upbeat tone.

“Babygirl, you’re amazing, have I ever told you that.” Morgan’s voice held admiration within it and Reid found himself grinning slightly,

“I haven’t even told you what I’ve found and I’m already getting praise?! It feels good to be appreciated.”   
  


Hotch shook his head amused, “Garcia could you please tell us what you found.”   
  


“Of course! It took awhile because seriously, the Columbia police have been a part of a lotttt of cases, and when I say a lot I mean like a totally absurd amount. Who knew that the crime rates were so high over there.”

“Actually crime rates in Columbia are 82% higher than any other city in the state. If you were to live here you’d have a 1 in 29 chance of becoming a victim to either a violent or property crime. I can see why it took you so long to sift through the reports.” Reid finished talking and when he glanced up he saw Morgan giving him an exasperated look.

“Reid seriously, why do you know that? You don’t live here-”

“It’s actually pretty common knowledge Morgan… And anyways I like researching crime rates in different cities, especially since we travel basically everywhere.”   
  


Morgan looked like he wanted to say something more but Hotch gave them both a withering look and they snapped their mouths shut, “Garcia, please continue.” Hotch’s voice was exasperated and tired and Reid bit into his bottom lip to force himself to stay quiet. It was a habit he was beginning to develop and he wasn’t sure whether it was a good habit or a bad one-

“Anyways, as I was saying. I looked through a bunch of cases the Columbia police had and I found one that involved the retired detective Clark Dawson, the Lieutenant Brad Johnson and that poor anxious officer Adam Torez.” 

Reid bit his lip harder, he didn’t want to think about his dead body anymore-

“Ok so, 5 years ago Columbia had a bit of a gang problem going on. There were two gangs that were having turf wars across the city and the police got fully involved when a bunch of civilians ended up getting shot. Lieutenant Johnson was in charge of the case but a bunch of people were working on it including Adam Torez who was only a rookie officer at the time and Clark Dawson along with his partner.”

“Wait, partner? I didn’t know Mr. Dawson had a partner-” Rossi was the one who had the most contact with the police during this case and so it was odd that even he hadn’t heard of this so-called partner. 

“That’s because he doesn’t, well not anymore at least…”

Everyone stayed silent processing the information and Garcia began talking again after a moment's pause,

“During this case they were able to apprehend a bunch of members from both of the gangs and because of this the gangs in question ended up leaving the city as a whole. The case was extremely successful and even got a bit of media attention. The thing that the media doesn’t talk about is the fact that a detective died in a shootout while trying to apprehend some of the suspects.”

“Let me guess. This Detective was Clark Dawson’s partner?” Blake’s eyebrows were furrowed and she had a contemplative look on her face.

“Ten points to Ravenclaw because you’re absolutely correct. The deceased detective's name was Landon Mitchell and he was shot and bled out on the scene before paramedics could arrive.”

“But that doesn’t make much sense Garcia… Why would the unsubs blame the police if Mitchell was killed by a gang?” JJ questioned, her expression one of confusion. 

“I wondered that too and so I looked into it a little more and his death doesn’t make any sense- On his death certificate and on police records they fail to mention what kind of gun he was shot with and after looking at where he was shot, the angle makes zero sense. From where the bullet hit him, the gang couldn’t have been the one to fire the shot…”

Reid felt his eyes widen, “Friendly fire?” 

“That’s what it looks like- Landon Mitchell was shot by someone on the force and everyone present covered it up so that no attention would be taken away from their success on the case…”

Morgan swore under his breath, “The writing behind the victims makes sense now. Lieutenant Johnson is probably the one who accidentally shot Mitchell and because of his high rank within the police, he forced everyone present to cover up for him…”

Rossi made a hum of agreement, “The word traitor above Clark Dawson’s body makes sense too. That was his own partner’s death and he covered it up… Adam Torez had the word liar above him, probably for the same reasons.”

“Does Landon Mitchell have any close relatives?” Hotch asked, looking down at the phone.

“This is where things really start to fit together. He has two sons, Lucas Mitchell 28 years old and Thomas Mitchell 22 years old. They fit the profile of the two male unsubs perfectly and if you want even more proof that they're the ones behind this then let me tell you that Landon Mitchell died on November 3rd.”   
  


“That’s the day that Clark Dawson was killed!” JJ’s expression looked astounded. They went from barely knowing anything to having the identity of two of their unsubs.

“Hey Garcia?” Reid spoke up, suddenly remembering something,

“What does my boy wonder need?”

“Could you check if one of the unsubs drives a blue Toyota with the license plate…” He repeated back the plate he remembered seeing after he arrived at Torez’s house and after a few moments of Garcia typing she spoke up again,

“Yeah, the older brother owns that exact car- How did you know?”

The others were looking at him with bemused expressions on their faces and Reid realized then that he didn’t actually mention seeing the unsubs,

“Um, when I got to Adam Torez’s house the unsubs were actually still there- They sped off in a blue Toyota and I was able to memorize the plate…”

Everyone's faces had varying levels of shock and Reid hunched in on himself, blushing slightly.

“You never told me that.” Hotch snapped, his expression serious.

“Uh well… I kind of- forgot.” Reid was currently attempting to make himself as small as possible, but since he was over 6 feet tall, he wasn’t very successful-

“Kid, you have an eidetic memory, how the hell did you forget that?!” Rossi seemed less upset then Hotch, but not by much. He gulped, suddenly becoming very interested in his shoelaces.

Hotch shook his head and then sighed, “Garcia could you send me over the two brothers' addresses. While we’re seeing if they're home, try to figure out the female unsubs identity.”

“You got it sir! Oh and please make sure our precious boy genius doesn’t get himself into any more trouble, my heart can’t take it!”

Reid grumbled under his breath while Hotch smiled slightly, “You got it Garcia. We’ll call you when we get back.” He hung up the phone and his gaze immediately fell back onto Reid,

“Reid and Blake can come with me to the younger brother’s house and the rest of you can go to the olders.”

His brows furrowed. Hotch knew that Blake was slightly more protective over Reid then the other team members and so he could see why he’d chosen her to come along. He followed the two of them out of the precinct and into the SUV. Hotch and Blake sat in the front while he was left alone in the back.

Once they started driving Blake turned her head to stare back at him. A frown adorning her features, “Why didn’t you mention seeing the unsubs?”

He curled in on himself again before responding, “I swear I forgot- I was so focused on the sight of Torez’s body that it slipped my mind… I really didn’t mean to keep you guys out of the loop.”

Blake seemed to believe him because she relaxed slightly, “Well, I’m just glad they didn’t decide to hurt you.”

He nodded, “I think they were caught off guard by my presence. They were already in the car when I got to his house and when I noticed them, they sped off as quick as they could. I was barely able to see the license plate at all...” 

Blake sighed, “They probably thought that you weren’t the only Agent there.”

He nodded again and Blake turned back around to sit forward in her seat.

The rest of the drive was relatively quiet. Not that it took long to reach Thomas Mitchell’s residence. He was living on the outskirts of the city, in a smaller one story house.

The 3 of them cautiously made their way to the front porch and after confirming that no one was home, Hotch kicked down the door (Morgan was usually the one who broke down doors so Reid was slightly amused to see his boss take the role-)

They each took separate parts of the house and it didn’t take them long to realize that no one was home,

“Clear!” Blake called from the kitchen.

Reid continued looking around the bedroom before also calling out, “Clear!”

He waited a few seconds and soon after he called out Hotch also did too. The 3 of them met back up in the living room, all with varying levels of disappointment on their faces.

Overall the house was pretty cluttered but not necessarily messy. It seemed like the younger brother just liked to keep a lot of things around. Most of his stuff seemed to be focused on tech devices and gaming consoles and if anyone were to look inside they’d probably just think that a young adult lived there.

Not an accomplice to murder- 

Hotch’s phone suddenly buzzed and he looked down at the screen, his frown deepening, “JJ just texted me. The unsubs aren’t at the older brother’s house either.”

“I bet they’re hiding out at the female unsubs place. That’s agitating.” Blake put her gun back into its holster before running a hand through her hair.

“There’s no point sticking around for now. We can get the police to search through the houses more thoroughly while we try and figure out who the female is.” Hotch had already begun turning to leave the house and both Reid and Blake followed. Walking out into the evening sky, to their parked SUV.

Reid lingered a bit. Tilting his head up to fully see the sunset. The sky was painted a pale orange, the setting sun a deep red on the horizon.

It was pretty.

He looked down after a minute and smiled at Blake, who was watching him curiously from the car. He made his way into the backseat and Hotch quickly drove them away, back towards the precinct.

Little did they know, from the corner of the street a dark blue Toyota sat parked. 3 people were seated within the car and they had all watched as 3 FBI Agents broke into the house.

“It’s that same fucking guy from earlier-” The older brother, Lucas, yelled angrily. He slammed his fists onto the steering wheel in frustration.

“I told you he saw the license plate! God, what are we going to do?! The FBI knows who we are-” The younger brother named Thomas was pale and shaky. He felt like he was going to vomit.

The girl who sat in the backseat didn’t seem too worried, if anything she seemed bored with the boys outbursts, “I told you we should’ve just killed them.” Her voice didn’t hold any emotion and when Thomas looked back to stare at her he had disbelief written all over his face,

“You want to kill Federal Agents?! Are you fucking crazy?” 

She rolled her eyes, “They know who you are. Unless you want to go to prison for the rest of your lives you’ve got to get rid of them.”

Thomas looked even more shocked and opened his mouth to argue with her when Lucas cut in,

“She’s right Tommy. We’ve got to kill them.”

“L-Lucas you can’t be serious?! We’ll be skinned alive if we kill FBI Agents-” Thomas had a desperate look in his eye. Silently pleading with his brother.

“That’s only if we’re caught. Once we get rid of the Agents we can head to Canada. I still have a bunch of contacts up there so we’ll have plenty of places to hide while things cool down.” The girl was staring at Thomas intently. She wished she could just get rid of him, but she knew that if she did Lucas would cease to function and she needed him for the time being.

“I-I…” Thomas was losing his nerve and she had to suppress a grin, he was too easy to manipulate.

“Okay fine- but do we really have to kill them?” 

“What else are we supposed to do?” Lucas’s anger seemed to have gone out as well and the two brothers stared at each other frowning slightly.

“What if we… What if we held them for ransom instead?! If we had 3 Federal Agents held hostage they’d give us anything we wanted and then no one would have to die-”

The girl blinked. That actually wasn’t a bad idea- She shared a look with her boyfriend before shrugging slightly. Holding FBI Agents hostage sounded like a lot of fun!

“I guess we could do that…'' Lucas said slowly, going over the proposition in his head, “Fine, we’ll hold them for ransom, but if our demands aren’t met then we kill them and go to Canada to hide out. Alright?”

Thomas nodded, “Hell if they don’t meet our demands then I’ll kill them myself.”

Lucas gave his brother an affectionate smile, “I’m going to hold you to that Tommy.”

Lucas turned to look at the girl again, “Looks like our next plan is kidnapping Federal Agents. That sounds nice doesn’t it babe.”

She smiled, “It certainly does darling.”

***

The next morning Reid found himself seated in the back of the SUV with Hotch and Blake again. Garcia had been able to narrow down the most likely next victim’s and so they were currently parked outside an officer’s home, waiting to see if the unsubs would swing by and try to kill him.

Rossi, JJ and Morgan were at another officers house seated outside and several detectives had been placed at a third house to watch over.

The possible next targets had been warned of the unsubs but Hotch had told them not to deviate from their regular schedule since it could alert the unsubs and scare them off.

They had been sitting parked outside the house for almost an hour and Reid had been rambling to Blake about some new books he had recently read.

She was listening intently and smiled when he got excited talking about his favourite parts and though he couldn’t see it, Hotch also had a small smile on his face from his younger Agents excitement…

Ever since they had learned of the unsubs identities they had all been in pretty good moods. They figured that they’d finish the case soon and head back home.

Maybe that was Reid’s mistake…

He forgot that happiness was a fleeting concept in his life, when darkness was always awaiting him beyond a corner.

***

Rossi was seriously starting to get pissed off.

He had a nagging feeling at the back of his head all morning and he couldn’t get it to go away. 

He didn’t know what it was caused from either. All he knew was that he felt like he was missing something- Missing something really important.

The feeling had only intensified ever since they had gotten into the SUV. With nothing else to do but wait, Rossi was forced to be left alone with his thoughts.

“Hey, are you okay? You seem kind of on edge.” JJ gave him a slight smile and he frowned.

“I’m not sure… I just feel like we’re missing something.”

Morgan sighed from the backseat, “I get what you mean. I was feeling pretty good this morning but the more I think about things the more unnerved I become.”

JJ pursed her lips, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, it’s just strange… “ Morgan began, his voice confused, “Usually unsubs, especially teams, fall apart when they realize the FBI’s closing in on them. These unsubs haven’t though… They haven’t deviated from their schedule and they’re still way too organized so they’re definitely not devolving. I just think it’s odd that they still seem so put together.”

Rossi nodded, “It is strange… I just hope we’re being paranoid.”

***

It was 9:28am when Hotch realized something was wrong.

Since he had told the officer and his husband to stick to their routines they had written him a note of what they generally did within a day. He frowned and looked down reading what was on it.

The husband was supposed to leave for work at 9- It was almost half an hour past that point,

“Somethings not right…” He murmured, cutting off Reid from his ramblings. His eyes were fixated on the officer's house. Blake looked at his serious expression and frowned,

“What’s wrong?”

“The husband was supposed to leave for work half an hour ago but he hasn’t… I told them not to deviate from their normal routines so why hasn’t he left for work?”

Blake turned to stare at the house, “...Maybe he left early?”

“His car is still in the driveway though. Hotch’s right, something is wrong.” Reid piped up, his eyes holding a sharp glint.

“Okay, I’m going to call Dave and tell them that something might’ve happened and then we’ll go in. Reid, you check the upstairs of the house and Blake you check the basement.” He was already pulling out his phone and quickly dialed Rossi’s number. It barely rang before he picked up,

“Aaron? Is everything okay.” Dave’s voice was concerned and Hotch kept staring at the officer’s house, a bad feeling beginning to form in his chest.

“I’m not sure if it's anything yet but it's been 30 minutes and the officer’s husband still hasn’t left for work. We’re going to check it out but if you don’t hear back from us in say 15 minutes then…” He trailed off, not really sure what he was going to say in the first place. He heard Rossi shuffle on the other line,

“Be careful Aaron, these unsubs are dangerous.”

“I know, and don’t worry we’ll be okay.” He hung up the phone, not in the mood to hear Dave worry about their well beings then turned to his other two Agents, “Alright are you guys ready to go?”

They both nodded and then the 3 of them quietly made their way to the front door. Hotch was disconcerted when he realized it was unlocked and he kept his gun trained in front of him as he searched around the living room. 

He watched as Reid slowly climbed the steps upstairs, disappearing from view and as Blake turned down a hallway, also leaving his line of vision.

He quietly made his way into the kitchen, barely daring to breath and after looking through a hallway that led to the backdoor he lowered his gun.

He made his way back to the living room just as Blake came up from the basement. She had a worried look on her face that Hotch knew could only mean something bad.

“They’re both dead… Single gunshots to the back of their heads but no torture and no words written above them this time…”

Hotch frowned. He walked towards Blake before turning his back to the staircase leading upstairs. From this spot he could see the basement door and he frowned just thinking about the officer and his husband lying dead down there while they were sitting in a car outside.

“Why would they stray from their M.O.? They’ve never not tortured or left without writing a word before…”

“I’m not sure? Maybe they felt that they wouldn’t have enough time to torture their victim’s?”

“The only way they would’ve known that they didn’t have a lot of time is if they knew we were going to be there-” Hotch was beyond confused. The unsubs hadn’t deviated yet so why did they now of all times?

Blake opened her mouth to respond, but suddenly glanced over his shoulder, her eyes widening and face paling. She quickly grabbed her gun out of its holster and Hotch immediately spun around to see what had shocked her so much, pulling his gun out as well.

His breath caught in his throat as he watched a man who he knew to be Lucas Mitchell holding Reid in a chokehold with a gun pressed to his head. Reid’s nose was bleeding and a bruise was forming on the side of his face like he had been punched, hard. Lucas was slowly walking down the stairs but stopped once he was halfway down.

Hotch held his gun straight, keeping it pointed at the man before he spoke, “Let go of my Agent Lucas, this isn’t going to do you any good.”

Lucas smiled maliciously, “I don’t think I will. I’m pretty comfortable over here with  _ Dr. Reid. _ ”

Hotch silently cursed, he knew who they were-

“Drop your weapon and we can talk, there’s no need for this to end with violence.” Hotch was doing his best to keep his emotions in check but watching as Reid attempted to squirm away from the unsub made him a lot more upset then he cared to admit.

Lucas laughed, loud and insane before giving Hotch a cocky grin, “I don’t think I’m going to be the one who drops my weapons.”

Hotch suddenly felt something cold and hard press against the back of his head and this time he actually cursed out loud as he realized that the other unsubs had been here as well.

He slowly crouched down, placing his gun on the floor. When he stood back up he was extremely agitated when the unsub holding a gun to his head also crouched down and picked up his gun as well as taking the gun that was hidden in a holster underneath his pant leg.

He turned his head slightly, watching as Blake also put down her weapon and for the first time he saw the female unsub.

She looked to be the same age as Lucas. She was blonde and had blue eyes, but something about her was… offsetting to say the least.

His attention was brought back to Lucas when he climbed down the rest of the stairs, Reid still squirming against him.

“Okay I’m disarmed, so now what do you want?” He grit his teeth and forced his voice to stay neutral. If he could stall them for a few minutes Rossi and the others would find and save them.

“I just want you guys to come with us for a bit. Don’t worry it’ll be fun!” Lucas smiled and pulled something out of his pocket with his free hand. Hotch paled when he realized that it was a needle.

Reid freaked out even more than he did when he saw what the male was holding. He began squirming against him harder, squeezing his eyes shut. His breathing had gone erratic and Hotch couldn’t do anything but watch as the man injected Reid with whatever was in the needle.

In seconds Reid had gone limp in the man's hold and Hotch didn’t even have time to struggle when he felt a prick in his own neck.

His vision went blurry and he collapsed, his cheek pressed into the floor.

From beside him he heard Blake yell and then the sound of another body falling to the floor. Hotch didn’t have the energy to do anything else but clench his fist slightly.

The voice of Garcia echoed throughout his mind,  _ “Please make sure our precious boy genius doesn’t get himself into any more trouble, my heart can’t take it!” _

Even before he lost consciousness, he stared desperately at the unmoving form of his youngest Agent.

He had failed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warnings**  
> The usual dead bodies and stuff, swearing, needles, kidnappings.
> 
> Yayyyy!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter because I had a lot fo fun writing it. The next chapters are where shit starts to go down and it gets hella whumpy for our boi Spencer (I'm sorry I love him sm but I'm going to hurt him a lot in this fic lmao) 
> 
> Bye for now! I shall post the next chapter in a couple of days :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooo
> 
> Here’s Chapter 4 my lovelies!! I’m still currently working on Chapter 7 since I got writers block lmao and that chapter in particular is going to be really reallyyy longgggg, but I’m hoping to finish it soon since chapter 8 is more of a closing and ending to the fic so it should be pretty easy to write.
> 
> This chapter in particular was a lot of fun to write though I will admit I’m not entirely happy with how some parts turned out- I edited it a bunch but it still is kinda meh fgshahsgd
> 
> I do hope you like it though 🥺💗
> 
> **Chapter Warnings**  
> References to revelations (specifically the drug addiction and Charles torture), Panic attacks and basically just kidnapping situations as a whole. If I forgot anything, please don’t hesitate to tell me!!!

_ You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it. _

-Paulo Coelho

***

Spencer awoke slowly, not opening his eyes in favour of trying to assort his racing thoughts. His mind was a hazy mess but he was confused as to why.

His thoughts were screaming at him, telling him that he was in danger and to open his eyes. He didn’t really understand though, since he couldn’t focus long enough to clear the fog from his head. The only thing he could focus on was that he felt like he was floating.

It was dead silent wherever he was and his body was tingling slightly. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling but it wasn’t exactly unpleasant either.

Where was he?

His mind was beginning to find some clarity and with that clarity Spencer felt the floating feeling vanish as a terror filled his veins instead.

_ “Oh no- Not again. This can’t be happening again-”  _ He squeezed his eyes further shut, not daring to open them, because he knew that when he did he’d be greeted with his own nightmare.

He remembered checking the upstairs of the officers house and when he had stepped into the bedroom he had been hit in the face with the butt of a gun. He had stumbled and fell, a bed cushioning his fall and then he had been dragged upright, an arm wrapped tightly around his neck.

He remembered the man who Reid knew to be one of the male unsubs, probably the older brother by his behaviour, lean down and whisper in his ear,

_ “My brother and girlfriend are downstairs, so one wrong move and I give them the signal to shoot your teammates.” _

_ Reid hadn’t moved. Too scared and dazed to respond to the unsub. He felt a warm, sticky substance running down his face and vaguely registered that his nose was bleeding. Slowly, the two of them had made their way out of the bedroom and down the stairs where Blake and Hotch had been talking. _

_ He hated the feeling of the unsubs arm wrapped around his throat. The texture of his shirt was scratchy against Reid’s skin and he couldn’t stop himself from trying to get away. _

_ It was wrong- he didn’t like when strangers touched him and he didn’t like the texture of the shirt. He heard Hotch trying to talk to the unsub but he barely comprehended it as he continued trying to get away from the grip around him. _

_ He felt tears building up in his eyes but he forced himself not to cry. He just needed the unsub and his goddamn shirt to get away from him. His heartbeat was thudding in his ears and he vaguely registered the younger brother and girlfriend entering the house. _

_ He wanted to yell at Hotch and Blake, try to warn them. But he couldn’t form the correct words- It was the stupid shirt, the scratchy texture was making him unable to do anything but squirm around. _

_ It was then that he felt the unsub jostle, forcing his shirt to rub against Reid’s skin. He wanted to scream but no sound came out. _

_ He looked at Hotch desperately but the older man was looking at something beside him, a terrified expression on his face. _

_ Reid instinctively turned to see what he was looking at and felt ice cold terror fill every space in his body. _

_ It was a needle. _

_ “I’m not a sinner! I’m not a sinner! I’m not a sinner!” He chanted to himself, squeezing his eyes shut and squirming against the unsub more. _

_ “Don’t lie to me, boy!” Charles' voice echoed through his mind and he found himself gasping for air. _

_ “I swear I’m not a sinner, please I’m not a sinner! I don’t want it- Please I don’t want it-” _

“I’m not a sinner… I’m not a sinner- I’m not… I’m not-” Reid realized he was speaking out loud, begging a ghost that had been dead for years.

“Reid! Open your eyes, it’s me Hotch. You’re not with Tobias alright, he’s dead.”

Reid cracked his eyes open and saw the older Agent sitting in front of him with a worried expression on his face.

He opened his eyes the rest of the way and glanced around the room they were in. It wasn’t a shed- Thank god it wasn’t a shed-

Instead it looked like they were in a basement. He was sitting on a concrete floor with his legs pulled up to his chest and when he attempted to move his arms he realized they were stuck in place. He looked down and saw his hands were cuffed with handcuffs (probably his own-) and his feet were tied together with rope. His arms also had rope wrapped around them and Reid turned his head to the side and saw that he was tied to a support beam.

He turned back to Hotch, realizing he seemed to be restrained in the same way as himself and then looked to the side where the hunched form of Blake sat. She was also restrained like Reid but instead of being tied to a support beam she was instead tied to a chair.

“Blake?! Is she okay?” Reid’s breathing picked up again. Why wasn’t she moving? Was she dead?

“Spencer, I need you to take deep breaths. We were all given a sedative so she’s just sleeping.” Hotch’s voice held no signs of fear and Reid forced himself to take big gulps of air.

He had to stay strong… This time he wasn’t the only one in danger.

“...When I saw the needle, I thought he was going to give me dilaudid. I-I… I don’t want dilaudid ever again-” His voice was quiet and Hotch’s neutral face shifted to sympathetic,

“I know Reid, it was only a sedative though. No ones going to force you to take dilaudid ever again.”

Reid wanted to argue that he didn’t know that, especially since they were kidnapped at the moment, but he forced himself to slowly nod.

_ “They have no reason to drug you like Tobias did… Calm down.”  _ His breathing evened out slightly and he glanced at Blake again. She weighed less than them so that’s probably why it was taking her longer to wake up.

“Do you know how long we’ve been here? Wherever here is-” Reid asked, furrowing his brows slightly.

“I’m not sure, but I’m guessing we were unconscious for a couple hours.”

He swallowed, “What do they want from us?”   
  


“I’m not sure, but they went out of their ways to bring us here alive, so I don’t think they want us dead.”

Reid nodded before his attention was brought to Blake as she began shifting in her sleep. She groaned before lifting her head, her eyes warily looking at her surroundings.

As she became more aware her eyes widened and fell onto Reid, tied to the floor,

“Reid?! Are you okay- Oh god, I’m so sorry. Does anything hurt?” Her words came out garbled and at that moment Reid realized the blood from his nose had dried to his face. He also discerned that he had a pretty nasty bruise on his cheek from where he got hit.

“I’m okay, don’t worry.” He tried to keep his voice calm, despite the fact that he had also been panicking just moments before, and it worked because Blake relaxed slightly.

Her eyes shifted to Hotch and she frowned, “Well this is less than ideal- They were waiting for us at the house…”

Hotch nodded, “For now, we have to do our best from this end while we wait for the others to find us.”

“I suppose this gives us an opportunity to try and gain the unsubs trust…” Blake’s eyes were sweeping across the room. Reid followed her gaze and his eyes landed on several things he hadn't noticed before.

In the right corner of the room a small window sat, it was too small for anyone to fit through but Reid could see the gray sky indicating that it was sometime in the afternoon. There were leaves blowing by but the only thing he could see other than the sky were trees-

Beside Blake there was an old sink, several cleaning supplies sat under it, and there was also a rusty bucket and mop leaning in the corner underneath the window. Reid’s eyes moved to the ceiling where a light was hanging down, but he quickly looked away when he realized it reminded him too much of Tobias’s shack-

He instead looked to the left side of the room. There was a shelf bolted to the wall with fishing equipment on it and several dusty books. There also seemed to be several painted pots but the plants within them were wilted and dead. 

Beside the shelf, several cardboard boxes sat, all with different words written on them. One of them said “Board games”, another said “Blankets” and the third one had a label that was scribbled out and then above it the word, “Photos” was written.

Finally Reid glanced up to where he could see stairs leading up to a door. It seemed like they were in a cabin of sorts. Not a house but it was still better than a shed-

“The younger brother, Thomas seems to be the weakest link out of the 3. If we can develop a bond of trust with him he might tell us where we are.” Hotch’s voice brought his attention away from his surroundings and he looked at the older man, his expression contemplative,

“I can try talking to him.” He said, his voice unwavering.

Hotch and Blake looked at him surprised and he continued, “I’m closest in age with the younger brother so it’ll be easier for him to connect with me… Also, out of you two I have the most experience when it comes to being kidnapped-'' His voice held a slight amusement to it, even though there was nothing amusing to this situation at all.

Hotch frowned and Blake looked confused. He had never told her about his experience with Hankel…

“Reid, are you sure? If you’re unsuccessful it could put you in danger.” Hotch knew that Reid had the best chance at getting the younger unsub to trust him, but he was still worried about the wellbeing of his Agent.

“...When I was with Tobias I was able to get him to confirm the fact that we were in a cemetery… I can do this, it’s fine.” His voice was determined. He could do this because this time he wasn’t alone. He had to protect Hotch and Blake and he knew he could get the younger brother to trust him. No, he had to get the younger brother to trust him…

Blake’s voice broke through the momentary silence, “...Who’s Tobias?” Her voice was hesitant like she wasn’t sure whether she should be asking at all. Reid looked at his shoes, sadness washing over him and Hotch glanced at his slouched form before responding for him,

“...Tobias Hankel was a serial killer who kidnapped Reid when he was 25 years old. He held him for 2 days and during that time he tortured and drugged Reid repeatedly…” Hotch’s voice sounded unlike his own as he remembered being forced to watch his youngest agent beaten, killed and then later resuscitated.

“...Oh my god- Spencer you never told me that…” She was staring at the younger man with a fierce protectiveness. He had been so young- He still is young… She couldn’t even begin to imagine what he had gone through.

“It happened a long time ago… And anyways, Hankel is dead.” When Reid said that his captor was dead, Blake couldn’t help but hear the sadness that his voice held.

She decided not to press on the subject any further which Reid was internally grateful for. He didn’t really like talking about Tobias much, since it always brought back memories of the shed…

They all sat in silence for several moments when suddenly the door swung open and 3 people came clambering down the steps.

Reid recognized the older brother Lucas, the man who had held him in a chokehold, who also had the horrible scratchy shirt, and he also recognized the younger brother Thomas, the one who had held a gun to Hotch’s head. He didn’t recognize the female unsub though… He knew she was the one who disarmed Blake but other than that he had no idea who she was-

“Hello Agents! It’s nice to see you up!” Lucas chirped happily, making his way to the bottom of the stairs first. Thomas and the unknown girl following closely behind.

Reid averted eye contact with a defiant look on his face. He stared at his shoelaces again and realized that one of them had come undone. It bothered him more than it should have.

The older male tsked and Reid could see his feet walking over to him. He grit his teeth when he felt a hand hook under his chin, turning his head so he was forced to stare into the unsubs dark brown eyes.

“Man, I didn’t realize how hard I hit you- That’s my bad.” He didn’t sound apologetic at all and Reid narrowed his eyes distrustfully at the man.

“What do you want from us? Kidnapping 3 Federal Agents isn’t going to end well in your favour.” Hotch brought Lucas’s attention away from Reid, the man pushed Reid’s head into his chest before standing back up and turning to face Hotch,

“No, I don’t think that’s true. With 3 Federal Agents in our custody, your team will surely give us whatever we want.”

Blake scoffed, “Is that what this is about? You’re holding us for ransom?”

The girl giggled, “Yep! You 3 are our ticket to getting out of this mess!”

“You’re the one who involved yourself in this mess- Why are you even helping them? We don’t know your identity so you weren’t in any danger of being caught anyways…” Blake’s eyes narrowed, her voice cold.

“Why am I involved? Because it’s so much fun! Plus, I couldn’t just leave my boyfriend and his little brother to fight all alone.” The emotion in her voice was beyond fake and Reid watched as Blake bit the inside of her cheek. Forcing herself not to say more.

“Anyways, we’re going to send our demands to your team soon, and just so you’re all aware, if your team fails to give us what we want by midnight then we’ll kill one of you and send a photo of your corpse to them. If by the next midnight they still haven’t given us what we want then we’ll kill another one of you and send them another photo. And lastly, by the third night if they’ve proven that they don’t give a shit about any of you then we’ll kill the last of you and then personally send them each of your bodies.” Lucas’s voice held a malice to it that caused the hairs on the back of Reid’s neck to stand up.

They had till midnight for either the rest of the team to find them or for them to get out of here on their own-

“It’s currently noon so that gives your team 12 hours! Plenty of time for them to meet our demands don’t you think?” The mystery girl's voice still held that awful fakeness to it and Reid couldn’t take it anymore. He snapped his head to stare at her and scowled,

“If you kill all 3 of us then you don’t have anything to negotiate with… Seems like a pretty dumb plan to me.”

The fake smile on her face didn’t leave, but her eyes held a dangerous glint in them, “We have other ways of getting out of this. If the FBI doesn’t cooperate it’s not the end of the world.”

“If you have other other ways to get away then why are we here?” He deadpanned. Honestly he was just tired at this point- Holding 3 FBI Agents for ransom… Seriously?

The girl still didn’t react to his words but Lucas did. He stormed over to the doctor, raising his fist to punch him. Reid closed his eyes, preparing for the blow that never came. He slowly reopened his eyes, tilting his head to see what had stopped the man from punching him and felt his eyes widen slightly.

The younger brother was gently holding his arm, “Lucas, you already hit him- Just leave him alone, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Lucas hesitated for a moment before dropping his arm back to his side, sighing, “Fine, but if you piss me off again you’ll be sorry, got it?” His eyes were boring holes into Reid and he slowly nodded, pleased that he had narrowly avoided getting beaten again-

Reid’s eyes shifted to Hotch, who was straining against the ropes subconsciously. He gave the older man a shaky smile and Hotch relaxed, but only slightly.

This was good, he could work with this. The younger brother already showed good signs of being able to be persuaded. All Reid had to do now was gain his trust.

“Tommy, do you mind watching them down here and making sure they don’t try to escape or something? Me and…” Lucas paused, realizing he probably shouldn’t say her name, “Me and  _ her _ ,” He gestured towards the blonde girl, “Are going to write up the demands and then drop them off at the Columbia police station.”

Tommy nodded hesitantly, “Ugh yeah- sure. I don’t mind keeping an eye on them…” 

Reid forced himself not to smile. This was perfect! He could start forming a bond with Thomas while the other two were gone. He looked over at Hotch and then Blake, both of them nodding slightly.

“Alright. We’ll be back soon, just call me if they give you any trouble.” His gaze lingered on Reid the longest, before he turned to his girlfriend, “We should head out now and write the demands on the way, it’s a pretty long drive.”

“Okay, but first let me just do something quickly.” She turned around and walked over to the cardboard box labelled “Photos”. Reid watched as she rummaged around in the box for a minute before she pulled out a dusty instant camera, “Hopefully this still works!” She said in that falsely sweet voice.

She stalked over to Hotch first, holding the instant camera in her hands. There was a flash as the camera clicked and then a polaroid came out moments later. She shook it gently and Reid watched as the photo of Hotch took form,

“What are you doing?” Thomas’s voice was confused as she next went over to Blake, the older woman defiantly staring straight at the lens,

“I’m giving the other FBI Agents proof of life!” She came over to Reid last, holding up the camera before clicking it. The flash caused him to squeeze his eyes shut momentarily and when he reopened them he saw her looking at the photo of him with a slight grin on her face, “With the flash on the bruise almost looks black-” She giggled slightly and then handed the photos to Lucas,

“Okay! Now we can go!” Lucas smiled at her and the two others bid Thomas farewell before climbing up the stairs and exiting the basement.

A few minutes later, Reid heard the sound of a car starting outside and then driving away, the sound becoming quieter and quieter until he couldn’t hear it anymore.

Thomas was standing awkwardly at the left side of the room. His gaze kept jumping between each of the Agents and he looked like he wanted to bolt out of there.

Reid glanced at Hotch again before swallowing. He could do this.

“Thank you.” He said simply, turning his head to look at Thomas. The younger male jumped when Reid spoke and after calming down he looked thoroughly confused,

“U-Ugh what for-”

“Your brother was going to hurt me and you stopped him. So thank you.” He smiled slightly and it was genuine. He was quite glad that the he had stepped in before he could get hit again-

Thomas searched Reid’s expression, as if to discern whether he was trying to trick him, but when he realized that Reid was being honest he gave a small smile back, “Lucas has a tendency to get mad at little things and anyways, he already hit you really hard-”

Reid could see Hotch out of the corner of his eye and the older man was giving him an encouraging look. He could do this, Thomas didn’t seem like an outwardly violent person, plus he was still pretty much a kid- 22 years old was when Reid had started his first year with the BAU and he remembered how small and childish he felt at that age-

Hell, he still felt like a child sometimes, even though he was now a decade older-

“Um, speaking of my brother hitting you- You still have blood all over your face- Here one minute!” Thomas suddenly spun around, quickly going up the stairs and exiting the basement. The 3 of them waited a few moments and from upstairs Reid could hear a tap being turned on and then off again.

Thomas then re-entered the basement, now with a wet washcloth in his hand. He quickly came over to Reid and crouched down before gently starting to rub away the dried blood. Reid scrunched his nose at the texture of the cloth but didn’t dare move away. After a few moments, Thomas hummed happily to himself before standing back up, throwing the now bloody washcloth into the rusty sink,

“That’s better. I’m sure having dried blood all over your face couldn’t have been very comfortable-”

It wasn’t comfortable at all and even though the washcloths texture was almost as bad as Luca’s shirt, Reid was still grateful-

“...Thomas.” This was the first time that Hotch had tried speaking to the younger unsub and he sounded slightly hesitant, “If you help us I can tell the other Agents not to hurt you guys… Holding us ransom isn’t going to get you what you want.”

Thomas jumped again, like he forgot that Reid and him weren’t the only people in the room. He stared at Hotch and Reid was surprised to see his expression one of anger,

“Don’t you guys realize that I’m trying to save you?!” He spat at the older man before he began pacing around the room, mumbling to himself. Hotch frowned but didn’t say anything more. Instead he looked to Reid who shrugged slightly.

“What do you mean Thomas?” Blake spoke up next, her voice was calm like she was trying to get through to a child- Thomas stopped pacing before staring at her, his expression softening,

“When we were at that Officer’s house you saw us…” He began slowly, making eye contact with Reid in particular, even though he wasn’t the one who asked the question,

“Then later on we saw you 3 coming out of my house- They didn’t want to hold you hostage originally, but I convinced them that we should…” He was looking at Reid desperately, trying to get him to understand. Reid frowned, connecting the dots in his head,

“Their first plan was to kill us wasn’t it?” He said slowly, watching as the younger man nodded vigorously,

“Yes! They said we needed to get rid of you but you’re not on the list that Detective Dawson gave us, so I convinced them not to!” He looked insane at that moment, his eyes wide, gazing off into space-

Reid knew that look. It was the look you gained after watching someone die.

He looked between Hotch and Blake, his face pulled into a concerned frown. Thomas was mentally unstable- After watching his brother brutally torture and kill multiple people and then him cleaning up the mess left behind, it was no wonder why-

This might be harder then Reid thought-

***

They were missing-

3 of Morgan’s friends… No- 3 of Morgan’s family were missing-

He was lost, he didn’t know what to do- With Hotch missing there was no leader… It was just him, Rossi, JJ and Penelope left by themselves to figure things out…

After Rossi had gotten the phone call from Hotch, they had waited anxiously for the unit chief to call back.

He never did…

They waited 15 minutes like they were instructed too before Rossi quickly drove them away from the officer’s house (Not before calling the officer in question to warn her)

Rossi had broken every speed limit and by the time they made it to the place where Hotch and the others had been stationed, a dark pit had formed within all of them.

The SUV they had brought was empty and Morgan quickly realized that the front door to the house was open. They all went in with their guns raised but after a quick search they realized the house was empty.

Well not entirely-

They had found the corpse of the officer and his husband downstairs but other than that there was no sign of their teammates. Rossi had later found the 3 of their phones along with their badges, shoved into a trashcan and when Morgan went upstairs to look around he nearly lost it when he found a small amount of fresh blood on the bed sheets.

His family was gone…

And he didn’t know how to cope.

JJ had immediately burst into tears at the realization that the 3 of them were gone and even Rossi seemed upset, though he tried his best not to show it…

He had called Garcia to tell her the news and almost broke down a second time when he heard her sobbing on the other line of the phone.

They arranged to have her fly down to assist on the case and after that the 3 of them went back to the precinct.

The officers sensed how upset they were and did their best to stay out of their way. They all sat dazed and sad in the conference room and even though they knew that they needed to find out who the female unsub was more than ever, they all lacked the willpower to focus.

It was only when JJ got a phone call that they snapped out of their depressing states. JJ’s eyes widened at the caller and she quickly answered, bringing the phone up to her ear.

“Emily?!” JJ said shocked. Both Morgan’s and Rossi’s head snapped in JJ’s direction, and through the phone they could hear Emily’s voice.

JJ began crying again after something that Emily said and sobbed into the phone, “They took them Emily- They’re gone and I don’t know what to do!”

Morgan registered Emily’s voice again but he still couldn’t make out what they were saying. As their conversation progressed, JJ seemed to become less and less upset, until determination was the only thing present on her features.

They finished their call together and after JJ glanced at the two males's blank expressions she shook her head, “Come on guys, we don’t have time to be sad. The others need us at our strongest right now.”

Morgan nodded slowly trying to force some liveliness back into himself, “I know… What were you and Emily talking about?”

JJ’s face surprisingly split into a grin, “Penelope called Emily and told her what happened. She’s flying over from London as we speak.”

Morgan’s eyes widened. He gave JJ a grin as well and then they turned to Rossi who had a slight smile on his face,

“I suppose we’ve got work to do.”

***

About two hours later, Garcia arrived at the precinct and got set up in the conference room. She was typing away on her computer, currently going through the older brother’s social media to see if the girlfriend was mentioned anywhere.

She wasn’t-

It disappointed them a little but they kept going over any leads they could think of. Garcia began looking into Lucas’s and Thomas’s workplaces, trying to see if any coworkers could possibly be the female unsub, but after another hour that lead also came up empty.

It was when Morgan had taken a break to get everyone some coffee, that an officer with a worried expression came over to him. He was holding an envelope and when Morgan asked him if he needed anything he spoke,

“Some kid just delivered this to me… I have him in the waiting room still, but he told me that some random guy came up to him and gave him 50 bucks to wait half an hour and then deliver it to the police- It’s uh… It's addressed to the BAU…”

Morgan’s eyes widened and he quickly snatched the envelope from the officer. Abandoning the coffee on the counter in favour of running to the conference room. He threw open the door and when the others saw the expression on his face they paled, 

“What’s wrong?!” Penelope was the first one to speak and she nearly jumped out of her seat to come over to Derek. JJ and Rossi both came over too and Morgan showed them the envelope,

“An officer just told me that some kid was paid to deliver this to us-”

JJ gasped and immediately gestured for Morgan to open it. His hands were shaking but he forced himself to take deep breaths, he promised himself that he wouldn’t break down.

With shaky fingers he slowly opened the seal. He walked over to the desk and took another breath before spilling the contents of the envelope onto the wooden surface.

A disposable phone and note fell onto the table, but they all barely noticed them because their attention was directed onto 3 polaroid photos that had fallen out too.

Garcia stifled a sob as she saw the photos of their  friends family, tied and in Reid’s case beaten. They all had varying levels of defiance written on their expressions within the photos, but all Morgan could focus on was the small blood stain that he had found in the officer’s bedroom.

It was Reid’s blood-

“Oh my god-” JJ looked like she was going to throw up and Morgan couldn’t blame her-

This was horrible-

“There’s a note and phone underneath the photos.” Rossi finally began looking at the other items, the calmest out of the 4. He gently picked up the piece of paper and phone and Morgan leaned over his shoulder to see what it said.

It was a ransom demand. In carefully printed out letters the unsubs had written several things that they wanted by midnight. They wanted a plane over to Canada without being arrested, a large sum of money (cash to be exact) and they also wanted the truth of their father’s death to be broadcasted and for everyone involved in covering it up to be sent to jail.

The last thing written at the bottom of the page made Morgan’s blood run cold. It stated that they would call the disposable phone at midnight to see if their demands had been met, but if they weren’t, they’d kill one of the Agents and send a photo of their corpse to them.

It was currently 1pm.

They had 11 hours to find and save their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are heavily appreciated :) I sometimes forget or get too nervous to respond to comments, but I cherish every single one and they give me a lot of motivation to continue writing <3
> 
> I’ll post chapter 5 once I finish editing it, so it should be up in a couple of days like the other chapters have been 💕


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited because I'm finishing up the final chapter of this fic! Once I have everything done I can spend more time editing and I may even start writing some one shots for this fandom :) 
> 
> That's off topic but I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> **Chapter warnings**  
> Panic attacks, PTSD/PTSS, lot's of spoilers (Foyet and Tobias mostly), Suicidal thoughts (Kind of-)

_ When life and death themselves are unexpected, what more can you expect from either?  _ -Unknown

*** 

Despite Thomas’s fragile mental state, Reid was actually able to make quite a lot of progress with him.

After his earlier outburst, Hotch and Blake had decided to stay silent, leaving all of the talking to him.

He had first started by asking Thomas about his daily life. What he did on a normal day, what some of his interests were. He was sure that if someone heard the conversation without knowing what the situation was, they’d assume that two acquaintances were getting to know each other-

Nonetheless Reid continued with the casual conversation.

At first Thomas had been hesitant and wary, answering the questions using single words, but after Reid had told him a bit about himself, he had opened up slightly and as time progressed he became more and more comfortable talking to the Agent.

It was just what Reid wanted. Gain his trust and get out of here-

Surprisingly, ever since he had woken up he had felt pretty calm. Anything was better than being back in that shed again with Hankel- He supposed it also helped that he wasn’t alone this time… He had Hotch and Blake, and he knew that they were relying on him to get them out of here-

He knew that once the older brother and female unsub came back he would probably be less calm because of their outwardly sadistic behaviour, but for now he wasn’t feeling all that bad. He was also lucky because he didn’t seem to have a concussion, despite the hard hit he took. His cheek and head throbbed a bit but he could probably bring his headache to dehydration.

An hour or so had passed since the 2 had left and Thomas was currently sitting cross legged on the concrete floor. He was rambling about some game he had helped develop and Reid nodded along, responding when he felt necessary. The guy seemed like he rarely got the chance to talk about this kind of stuff to anyone and it was something that Reid could relate too. More often than not he found people either interrupting or just ignoring him as a whole-

As if on cue, Thomas’s speaking was cut off when the telltale sounds of a car approaching filled their ears. The younger male immediately jumped to his feet, his face paling like he had only just realized that he had spent over an hour talking to one of his captives. He then promptly spun around and ran up the basement stairs, slamming the door shut after he left. Reid watched bemused before he turned to Hotch and Blake,

“...Despite that- I think I made pretty good progress-” He gave a shaky smile and Blake snorted,

You made more than ‘good’ progress. You practically got him to spill his whole life story to you.”

Hotch shook his head amused before giving the younger Agent a fond smile, “Good job Reid.”

Spencer felt his cheeks warm at the praise, but it was short lived because a moment later the basement door swung open again. Lucas and the mystery girl coming downstairs with big grins on their faces.

“Hello my little FBI Agents!” Lucas greeted, his steps energetic as he made his way down the stairs. The female unsub followed down behind him and she had a dazzling smile adorning her features, that was most certainly fake-

Reid averted his gaze again and watched as Hotch stared sternly at the two unsubs, “I’m guessing you dropped the demands off at the precinct?”

“Yep! It’s a shame that I wasn’t able to see the look on the other Agent’s faces when they got the envelope, but I can only imagine how distraught they are right now.” Reid finally made eye contact with the older brother and had to force himself not to shiver,

“This is all some sort of game to you, isn’t it?” His tone was bitter. He hated when people used others' lives for their own amusement.

It was one thing to be alone in the basement with just Thomas but with Lucas and his girlfriend, Reid felt himself subconsciously tensing, waiting for the worst-

“I think I’m allowed to have some fun with this.” His grin had dropped and he was staring at Reid with a cold expression, “After all, I wouldn’t even be doing this if the police had just confessed to what they did…” He continued ranting on about how his father’s death was unjust, but Reid could no longer hear him,

_ “I wouldn’t even be doing this if the police had just confessed…” _

His heartbeat sped up and his eyes became glazed and unfocused. He looked away from the older brother and at his tied feet and suddenly the cabin felt all too much like the shed, _   
  
_

_ “Confess your sins!” _

_ Reid sobbed, struggling against the handcuffs that kept him seated to the chair. Tobias- No, Charles, swung his fist back down and it met squarely with his jaw. He felt tears pouring down his face and that overwhelming smell of fish guts made him even more nauseous then he already was. _

_ “I’m not a sinner!” He begged, choking on his spit as he sobbed again. _

_ Suddenly Charles crouched lower and stared at him, “We’re all sinners.” _

“Reid!” Hotch’s voice was filled with concern and Reid snapped his head up, looking around the  shed cabin in a daze.

He vaguely registered that he was gasping for air and all he was able to choke out was, “I’m not a sinner-”

It was also at that moment that he realized Lucas and the female unsub were still in the basement and they were staring at him with curious expressions on their faces,

“Whoops- Did I hit a nerve?” Lucas laughed and Reid pulled his legs closer to his chest before laying his head down on his knees.

He wasn’t in the shed. No, he was in a cabin-

Charles, Raphael and Tobias were dead.

But now he was kidnapped again, and each of the unsubs seemed to fit a particular personality of Tobias- Lucas was Charles, just not religious. He wanted justice and was aggressive, he would be the person to physically hurt him, to beat him into confessing something he never did. The female unsub was Rapheal. So far he hadn’t seen her show a single real emotion- She also seemed like the type of person who liked psychological torture the best. Yes, she would be the one to play russian roulette with him and she would be the one to force Reid to pick someone to die.

Lastly, Thomas was Tobias. Reid almost wanted to laugh at how similar their names sounded. He would try to help Reid the best he could but, he was also trapped in the others hold. Too scared to fight back and make a decision on his own. Thomas would be one who’d give him dilaudid, thinking that it’d help when it would only make Reid battle an addiction for months afterwards.

3 unsubs. This was something he had dealt with before. The only thing different this time was that they each were their own person and not just in Tobias’s body.

He’d already gone through this once, he could go through it again.

***

JJ was exhausted.

For the past 6 hours her and the others had gone through and dug into the male unsubs lives. Past occupations, past relationships, where they went to school, who they went to school with, restaurants and other places they frequented, they had pretty much gone through anything they could think of.

And yet they still hadn’t found the female unsub-

It was bizarre. Couples these days loved to promote themselves on social media but there wasn’t even a mention of her on any of Lucas Mitchell’s social media accounts…

The younger brother Thomas hadn’t mentioned her either. His social media platforms were mostly used to promote a game that he was currently helping develop and so they also hit a dead end in that regard.

Their best bet at finding the female unsub was Penelope because of how much she could find out about the male unsubs through things like social media accounts and their purchases but, even she was beginning to get frustrated at how little she was finding.

It was extremely disconcerting how hard finding the female was proving to be, and they had all come to the conclusion that she was trying her very best to make sure she wasn’t found- And if she didn’t want to be found then that meant she had something to hide.

Morgan and Rossi were out at the brother’s houses trying to see if they missed anything. Earlier the two of them had finished talking to the boy who delivered the envelope and confirmed it was Lucas, the older brother who had paid him. They wanted to see if they could maybe find something relating to the female unsub at the house, but JJ knew deep down that they weren’t going to find anything…

She just wanted this to be over- She wanted to go home and see Will and Henry and she wanted Hotch, Blake and Spence to be alright.

She felt so guilty- How could she let this happen again to Spence in particular? She could only imagine how stressful it was to be back in another hostage situation and JJ found herself almost breaking down just thinking about it.

What if they drugged him like Tobias did? She didn’t think she could handle Reid with another addiction… 

No- They weren’t Tobias… They didn’t even know about his past dilaudid issue so they wouldn’t exploit it. Plus this was a ransom kidnapping, they had no reason to do anything to any of them… Yet.

She turned around to look at the clock that was mounted on the precinct's entrance but just as she did the doors opened and in came a familiar face.

JJ felt her jaw drop as she saw the figure of Emily Prentiss. She knew the other was coming but it had been months since she’d seen her in person.

“Emily!” She called out, running over to her friend and wrapping her in a tight embrace.

“Ah JJ-” Emily’s words were muffled by the hug she was currently receiving and after she got over the initial shock she gently wrapped her arms around JJ, reciprocating the embrace.

“God- It’s so good to see you.” She felt tears well up in her eyes but she forced them not to fall. She had to stay strong…

Suddenly, the sound of heels clicking could be heard and JJ leaned back from the embrace just in time to see Penelope exit the conference room and freeze when she saw Emily.

Emily smiled, “Hey Penelope.”

Garcia stood frozen in place for a moment before slowly tears began streaming from her eyes, “Your here- Oh my god, you’re really here.” 

Emily let go of JJ and walked over to Garcia, giving her a hug as well, “Yes, I’m here.”

The blonde watched with a sad smile as Penelope began sobbing, clinging onto the dress shirt that Emily was currently wearing

Prentiss herself looked between the two of them when suddenly Garcia jumped back, shock written all over her face,

“Oh yeah- I was so stunned from seeing your beautiful face that I totally forgot what I was doing out here in the first place.”   
  


JJ walked up beside Emily and watched as Garcia tried to get herself together, in order to continue speaking. Finally the tech analyst swallowed, “We need to call Morgan and Rossi back here right now.”

“What? Why?” JJ’s tone was one of confusion and Penelope gave her a determined stare. Though the effect was sort of ruined because she had mascara running down her face-

“I think I may have found the female unsub.”

***

Hotch was worried.

After Reid had first woke up, Hotch had witnessed his disoriented form go straight into a panic attack. The situation itself already wasn’t ideal, but for Reid who had prior experience being held captive, he was probably much more stressed then him.

He had gotten the younger Agent to calm down and after Blake woke up it seemed like he was actually doing fine. He volunteered to try speaking to Thomas, and though Hotch was hesitant to let him at first, he knew deep down that Reid was the only one who stood a chance at getting through to him.

His situation with Tobias seemed to aid and deter him in this situation and after several hours when the two other unsubs came back, Hotch was forced yet again to watch as his youngest Agent was sent into panic.

He knew from the moment that Lucas said the police should’ve just confessed that it would set Reid off but, he still wasn’t prepared to watch him hyperventilate and shake, mumbling about not being a sinner.

When it happened, the older brother and female unsub had paused with confused expressions on their faces. Hotch had turned to look at Blake desperately, not knowing what to do since they were both tied down quite thoroughly- 

And so he waited...

Waited until the flashback passed.

He had called out Reid’s name when he saw more focus in his eyes, hoping to get him out of his own head, and it seemed to work because a moment later he was jerking his head back and forth, looking around the room in a daze.

Then the younger Agent had curled in on himself and Hotch nor Blake did anything to try and stop him.

Lucas and his girlfriend had gone from confused, to curious, to amused and Hotch had to refrain from telling them to shut up when they started poking fun at how the FBI let such a baby into their ranks.

If only they knew- If only they knew how much he had suffered at the hands of Tobias. How young he had been at the time…

Hotch sometimes found himself thinking about what Reid was like before Georgia. A genius who didn’t understand social cues and barely looked to be of age. Happily spouting facts whenever he could and blushing slightly whenever anyone (especially Gideon) gave him praise.

He had been a child- Hotch didn’t care that he was 25, he was still  _ so  _ young. A genius boy, forced to grow up too fast, who stumbled around emotions but had the ability to lighten up a room just by being there.

Hotch had been hesitant to even hire Reid in the first place. He was only 21 at the time and though he hated to admit it, he had seriously doubted the younger man's capabilities. Nonetheless he had still given Reid a chance. He knew when Gideon set his foot down to something, there was no getting around it. Shortly after that he had actually met the young genius and was thoroughly and pleasantly surprised.

He dressed like a 60 year old professor and his hair was long, curling around his face, but despite his appearance he became a valuable and welcomed asset to the team. He barely flinched when looking at crime scenes and as each day passed, Hotch felt himself becoming more and more attached to the younger man.

Even despite all that, he still noticed several things that set alarm bells off in his head. The first of that being that he had a habit of overworking and selling himself short. One day, Hotch had seen Reid walk into the BAU with the darkest circles under his eyes imaginable. He had spent the entire day, too unfocused to finish paperwork and instead kept sending worried glances towards the younger man.

The second thing he had noticed was the lack of… Family presence. Reid never spoke of his family and he didn’t even have any photos of relatives on his desk. Hotch thought it was odd that Spencer’s parents would even let him join the FBI at such a young age and it was even odder that they never came by to visit. Then there were the cases when children were involved. It wasn’t anything extremely noticeable but whenever Reid was forced to be around a crying mother or father, grieving the loss of their child, he gained a distant and almost longing look in his eyes. Hotch, being the new father he was, felt such a flair of protectiveness when he noticed that fact- 

He continued storing away these worrying behaviours in his head, trying to build a solid image of the genius, and then during another case Hotch noticed something which he considered to be the most frightening. It was during the case with Phild Dowd where Hotch was forced to beat up Reid in an attempt to save all of their lives. It had worked, but after the fact when he had gone to apologize, Reid had made a joke implying that he was used to getting physically hurt. Hotch had laughed at the moment but when he turned away he felt a slight sinking pit form in his gut.

Aaron knew himself what it was like being used as a punching bag. He still had some scars that his father had graciously left him with. So hearing Reid say that made him wonder… or more accurately worry- Of course he had been talking about bullies when he had made the joke but, Hotch couldn’t help but fixate on the fact that maybe Reid never spoke of his family because they had done nothing but hurt him. It explained why no one would come visit him and why Reid’s emotional intelligence was close to zero.

Despite all the worrying things that Hotch had sealed away, Reid was still… Well he was still Reid- He carried an innocence to him that only made the older man like him more.

Hotch sighed, deciding that he had spent enough time in his head. He gazed around the basement almost bored before his eyes landed on the figure of Reid who was still crouched in on himself.

It had been  _ hours  _ since the last time the younger man had moved and Hotch almost wondered if he was asleep.

“I never realized.” Blake suddenly spoke. Her voice was soft but Hotch could sense the underlying sadness to her words.

He looked over at her and frowned. She was still staring at Reid and though Hotch hadn’t noticed, he’d say that the older woman had been staring at Reid’s hunched form for a long time.

“You never realized what?” He asked quietly, afraid that if he spoke too loud, he would wake his younger Agent.

“Joining the FBI is like a guarantee that you’ll one day end up traumatised or in a less than ideal situation. I know that, yet… It never once crossed my mind that Reid was hurt so badly… I guess I just thought that because he was so young and innocent that the darkness hadn’t reached him yet- Of course, there was that whole thing with Maeve, but I didn’t think something happened before that.” She explained in a voice that was barely above a whisper, not once did she take her eyes off Reid.

“What happened, Hotch?” She finally turned her head to look at him and he frowned, 

“I told you earlier didn’t I?” He wasn’t keen on recalling the events of his youngest Agents kidnapping, but he understood why Blake wanted to know.

They both shared the same protectiveness over the younger man…

“I know but, you didn’t go into much detail… You don’t have to tell me since I know it’s probably a horrible memory but…” She trailed off, her gaze wandering back to Reid. The young man's breaths were coming out evenly, signifying that he was indeed asleep. Hotch hesitated for a second, it wasn’t exactly his place to tell her the details, but at the same time, they were stuck in a room with nothing else to discuss and Hotch knew Blake wouldn’t stop overthinking until she knew.

“...We had a case in Georgia. A team was going to houses and killing the occupants before leaving a bible verse at the crime scene.” He began slowly, still able to recall the exact details to this day, “We were called in after the first murder because one of the unsubs actually called the police, saying that the other, whom he called Rapheal was going to kill the sinners.”

Blake’s brows pinched together, but Hotch knew she was forming a profile within her head.

“We didn’t think this could be the team's first crime since it was really organized and JJ ended up finding a police report about a witness who had seen a man in a dark cloak when he was walking his dog.” 

“I sent both JJ and Reid to go interview the witness… It- It was a mistake…” He closed his eyes momentarily, letting guilt sweep through his body. He hadn’t known that Tobias would end up being the unsub… 

He hadn’t known that sending Reid to his house would sentence him to 2 days of torture and a months long addiction afterwards.

“The witness was one of the unsubs I’m guessing.” Hotch’s eyes snapped back open and he looked over to Blake who had spoke after he hadn’t continued.

“He wasn’t just one of the unsubs, he was all of them.”

Blake’s frown deepened, “All of them?”

“Yes. All of them. Tobias Hankel had 3 split personalities; himself, Raphael and Tobias’s father Charles.”

“By the time we found that out it was too late… Reid was gone and we had no idea where Tobias was keeping him.”

Hotch paused, trying to remember the exact details. His mind had been a blur while his youngest Agent was kidnapped and so some of the memories seemed to bleed into one another,

“...We had Garcia fly out and got her to help go through his computer setup, and after a few hours we all got called into the room when Tobias started streaming a video to his home computers… It was a live video of Reid. Charles, which was one of Tobias’s personalities forced… He forced Reid to pick someone to die.”

Blake’s eyes widened but she didn’t say anything. Hotch glanced at Reid before continuing, “Reid was defiant at first, but I assume you can imagine what happened when he wouldn’t pick some stranger to die… After he did choose, the video feed ended and we were still left with nothing.”

Hotch remembered Morgan punching the door after the video had ended and how he desperately wanted to too,

“About a day later we had gotten closer to understanding Tobias, but we still didn't know where he was keeping Reid. Tobias had been badly abused by his extremely religious father and gained an addiction to dilaudid. On top of that, when Tobias’s actual father got sick, he asked Tobias to kill him... Because of the fact that Tobias couldn’t live without his father’s strict religious code his personality split…”

“Later on, the video feed opened again and this time we watched as Reid was repeatedly beaten by Charles…” Hotch swallowed, this part was going to be the worst to explain, “At one point, Charles tipped back Reid’s chair and since he already had a concussion he ended up hitting his head again and having a seizure…”

Blake’s face paled but Hotch continued. He didn’t think he’d be able to explain it again if he stopped now-

“Reid had a seizure and died and Charles stormed out of wherever he was keeping him. After about a minute or so, Tobias came running back into frame and gave Reid CPR, successfully resuscitating him.”

“...Even after everything Reid had been through he was the one who gave us a clue to where we’d find him. After he was resuscitated he misquoted a bible verse and we realized he was in a graveyard. Even so, by the time we found the specific location, Tobias was dead and Reid had shot him…” Hotch knew he could go into even more detail if he wanted. The russian roulette, how Reid was forced to pick someone from the team to die… How Tobias was forcing Reid to dig his own grave when they found him.

After a beat of silence Blake finally spoke. Her voice was soft, “I can’t even imagine… You said that the unsub had a drug addiction? He passed it onto Reid didn’t he?”   
  


Hotch closed his eyes again, “Yes. I-... I covered it up from the bureau- Well I guess I just turned a blind eye from it... He had already been through too much, and I knew that if Strauss or someone else found out, that he’d be kicked off the team.”

“You did the right thing Aaron.”

He gently opened his eyes before giving her a sad look, “I didn’t help him… No one did. In the end he was the one who saved himself from Tobias and he was the one to get himself clean. All I did was pretend that he was okay.” It was true. In the end, Aaron hadn’t helped Spencer- Ever since meeting the younger Agent he felt a fierce protectiveness over him, but… He could never actually keep him safe.

He supposed it wasn’t all his fault. Like Blake had said, being in the BAU was a sentence for something terrible happening to you… Hotch knew that all to well when it came to Foyet-

But still. He was the unit chief of the BAU, he felt responsible for each of his agents, so he couldn’t help but feel guilt swallow him whole whenever one of them got hurt.

Blake smiled at him but it was laced with such an abundance of sadness that Hotch nearly broke. He did his best to keep his neutral expression in place but it had been  _ hours  _ since they had been taken here and the ropes restraining him were very uncomfortable. Hotch was generally the one who negotiated in situations like these, but it was obvious that he was too threatening to the younger unsub. All they had was Reid who was currently not in a good state of mind whatsoever-

“We’ll all be okay. From what you just told me, Spencer’s strong. He can do this Aaron.” Blake seemed to read his mind and Hotch nodded slowly,

“I know… I just know how much Georgia destroyed him, and I don’t want that to happen again.”

The two of them sat in silence for several minutes before slowly, Reid shifted from his spot on the ground. He lifted his head slowly before blinking sluggishly, trying to regain his senses. Hotch frowned as Reid realized where they were and tensed. Maybe it would be better if he had just stayed asleep-

“Spencer?” Blake’s voice gently called out to the younger man. Reid turned his head to face her and relaxed, but only slightly.

“How long have I been sleeping?” He asked, his voice scratchy from dehydration and sleep.

“I’m not exactly sure, but I’d say a few hours.”

He frowned before sitting up straighter, or as far as the ropes would let him sit up- 

“Did Thomas come in here while I was asleep?”

“No. It’s only been us down here.” Hotch joined the conversation, pulling Reid’s attention over to him. His frown deepened and Hotch assumed it was because of how dishevelled he looked at the moment-

Being tied to a support beam for hours was not very fun-

“...I was thinking before I fell asleep.” Reid began slowly. Hotch tilted his head, urging him to go on and after a moment of silence Reid hesitantly continued.

“We already have a profile for each of these unsubs…”

Blake looked confused, “We were all there for the profile briefing Spencer… I’m not sure what you mean.”   
  
He looked at a spot on the concrete, “No, we already have a pre-existing profile for each of these unsubs that I made years ago.”

Hotch’s eyes widened slightly. It made sense that Reid’s brain would keep going back to Georgia in a situation like this, “You mean Tobias, Raphael and Charles?” He questioned softly.

“Yeah. Think about it. The unsubs here fit a specific pattern similarly to each of Tobias’s personalities- It’s actually really useful since I already dealt with them before. If I can get Thomas to feel comfortable with me then I think we could get out of here.”

“Even so, Tobias was still only one person- We’re dealing with 3 phsyical unsubs here-” Hotch spoke slowly, not sure how emotionally stable Reid was at the moment. The younger man in question still had his legs curled up against his chest and was shaking slightly, but his face was one of deep concentration.

“That actually might be useful too… I gained the most empathy with Tobias after Charles had beat me- Um, of course Tobias wasn’t… all that helpful, but when it really counted he saved my life-” Hotch was confused where he was going with this- Yeah, Reid had gained a lot of empathy from Tobias since they were both abused by Tobias’s “father”, but how did that help them in this situation?

“Spencer. I’m not sure I follow-” Blake was frowning, the confused expression she was wearing was the same as Hotch’s. Reid looked between the two of them before sighing. It wasn’t a sigh of exasperation, but one of… sadness?

“It’s getting dark out… The others won’t find us in time.” It seemed painful for Reid to even admit, but Hotch knew he was speaking the truth. The younger agent’s eyes held so much sorrow and resignation in them, but there was also a burning determination there too. Hotch knew that look- 

“Remember when Tobias forced me to pick someone to die and I wasn’t allowed to choose myself?” Reid’s voice was barely above a whisper at this point and Hotch found himself straining his good ear to hear, 

“Yes, I remember…”

Reid looked into Hotch’s eyes and suddenly the older man understood, “I don’t want anyone else to die.”   
  


His heart sunk

***

By the time Morgan and Rossi got back to the precinct and they had finished hugging Emily, a lot of time had passed. 

Midnight was looming closer and closer and they were all becoming increasingly worried.

At midnight one of their friends would die.

Emily forced herself to keep a neutral expression. She wouldn’t think about that because it wasn’t midnight yet… They still had time.

Garcia was seated at the round desk with her laptop and once everyone had quieted down she looked up and smiled slightly. It was a sad smile that made Emily’s heart clench and she knew the only way she could help the bubbly tech analyst was if she found the 3 missing Agents.

“Um, now that everyone's here, and has stopped gushing over Emily, I may have found where the unsub met his mysterious girlfriend…” Anticipation was heavy in the air, all of them buzzing over even the smallest amount of new information.

Garcia cleared her throat, “About a year ago the older brother, Lucas took this trip to Canada. He stayed in the country for a month, mostly travelling around Ontario and Quebec and according to my resources, he was commonly seen accompanied by a blonde girl, assumed to be his significant other.”   
  


“The female unsubs Canadian? No wonder we haven’t been able to find her.” Rossi shook his head.   
  
“I know! I seriously can’t believe that the cute country of maple syrup and mooses would foster such an insane little psycho. I’m still trying to find out her exact identity but it seems that when Lucas headed back to the US she just decided to go with him-”   
  


Emily paused at that. After one month of knowing him, she just decided to leave for the US with him? That just seemed unrealistic-

“Garcia, in your search, try to see if there are any blonde women who have ties to both Canada and Columbia. It’s doubtful that she left Canada just for a boy so there has to be something else here that she wanted.”

Garcia nodded, “Will do! And while I’m busy typing away please make sure you do your best to find our family.”   
  


The others all gave determined nods and Emily did her best to give Penelope a reassuring smile.

“We’ll find them… Don’t worry.”

***

Spencer had a stupid idea-

It was stupid, but he didn’t know what else to do.

As much as he hated to admit it, he knew the team wouldn’t find them in time. There was always the possibility that maybe the ransom demands would be met but Reid also found that highly unlikely.

The FBI couldn’t let 3 serial killers get away just because some of their Agents were kidnapped- Because if they did that, so many other lives would be put at risk…

No, Reid didn’t want the others to bend to their will, but he knew that if they didn’t, that one of them was going to die.

And Reid’s stupid idea was to make sure that the one who died was him.

He didn’t want to sacrifice anyone else. He didn’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s death so the only thing he could do was become the victim himself…

Him, Hotch or Blake would be executed at midnight and if he had a say in it, the person killed would be him.

He wasn’t scared… Well he was but not of dying. He had accepted long ago that he would die one day and there was nothing he could do to stop it…

He was scared because he didn’t want to leave the people he loves behind-

This entire situation thoroughly reminded him of Tobias and when he was stuck in that shed, the one thought that had kept him going was the possibility of seeing his family again.

Now that thought was making him dread the end.

Hotch and Blake were both looking between one another, seeming to have a silent conversation with their eyes. Spencer hadn’t spoken since he had finished his conversation with Hotch, too afraid that if he opened his mouth, he would lose his nerve and wouldn’t be able to go through with his plan.

_ “I won’t let anyone else die. Jack needs his father and James needs his wife-”  _ He kept reminding himself of how much grief people would go through if the other two ended up dying. They had people who relied on them…

Reid really didn’t… He only had his mother and even then he rarely visited her. She would be sad at first, devastated actually, but slowly she would get over him and move on with her life.

His team members would be sad too, but like Emiliy they would also get over his death.

He was going to die.

And the thought comforted him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya know how originally this was going to have 7 chapters instead of 8? Well, this is the chapter that forced me to add another lmao- When I hit the 9k word mark I knew I had to split it up, but in doing so this chapter became a filler of sorts... 
> 
> A lot is still going on and Reid is being stupid, but the pacing and format of this chapter is weird. It's mostly just introspection and compared to the other chapters it just feels sort of boring-
> 
> I've edited it a bunch yet I can't seem to get it to be the way I want, and so now I'm giving up and just posting it (Yay?)
> 
> The next chapter is way better I promise!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of my favourite chapters to write, though I will say it's a bit shorter then the others but only by a few hundred words. Next Chapter is almost 10k words so I guess that sort of makes up for this chapters length lmao-
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this and thanks for all the comments on the last chapter, it made me feel really happy :)
> 
> (Chapter warnings are in the end notes because they contain spoilers!)

_ Sometimes you don’t realize you’re drowning when you’re trying to be everyone else’s anchor. _

-Unknown

***

It was almost midnight.

Hotch knew that because the sky had long since gone dark. If he turned his head to look out the window he could vaguely see stars shining past the trees.

He felt helpless.

Reid wasn’t speaking anymore and Blake was becoming increasingly worried. She continually tried getting the younger man to talk but he was too trapped in his own head, seemingly dealing with something conflicting-

Hotch didn’t think he wanted to know what Reid was thinking-

And even if he did, he wouldn’t have the focus to ask. He was also worried and his brain was scrambling for any way to get them all out of this.

There was no way.

He was clenching his fist tightly. Jack… What if he never got to see Jack again? He had already lost his mom and now he might lose his dad too? It wasn’t fair, no child should have to deal with that.

But- What else was there to do. If he didn’t die then either Blake or Reid would.

He couldn’t live with himself if one of them died. How would he explain Alex’s death to James? How would he deal with Reid’s death when the younger man was like a son to him?

There was no easy way out of this. Would Jack hate him? Or would he recognized that his father sacrificed his life for people he cared about.

Hotch didn’t know… He didn’t really know much about anything in these past few hours-

He looked over at Blake, who was still staring intently at Reid and then his eyes shifted to the younger man in question.

Spencer was staring blankly at the floor, no longer looking like he was having an internal battle with himself. Hotch decided that this expression was worse-

“Reid?” He questioned quietly. Finally deciding to get through to the man himself.

Reid didn’t move. He didn't even look like he registered Hotch’s words.

“Spencer?” Hotch hoped the use of his first name would get him to respond and he was pleasantly surprised when it worked. Reid lifted his head to look at the older man.

“What’s wrong?” He knew it was a stupid question to ask. There was so much wrong at the moment that Spencer probably wouldn’t know what to focus on- 

“It’s almost midnight.” He said simply, his expression had morphed to a sad smile and Hotch’s heart clenched. 

“I know. They still might find us though…” Hotch didn’t even believe what he was saying and he knew Reid wouldn’t either

They were empty words.

“...Spencer- Everythings going to be okay-” Blake was lying now too- Both of the older adults trying to comfort the younger man, even though he seemed the most calm out of them-

Perhaps they were only lying to comfort themselves… 

“You’re right… Things will be okay.” Reid’s voice was soft and Hotch suddenly felt uneasy. Was he just joining in on the lies or was something else going on in his head?

“I-... I’m really glad I met you guys… I just thought I’d let you know before…” Reid stopped himself from finishing his sentence, but Hotch already knew what he was going to say.

No no no- Reid wasn’t dying today… Aaron was, because he swore to protect the Agents on his team.

He opened his mouth to argue, or maybe plead with his youngest Agent to not do anything stupid, but just as he was forming the words the basement door slammed open, and Lucas, along with the other two unsubs came downstairs.

Lucas looked… excited- That couldn’t be good… Was is already midnight?

“Guess what Agents? It’s 11pm and you’re friends still haven’t met our demands. They still have an hour, but things are looking pretty grim for one of you.” He grinned and the older man knew that he was probably happy about this development.

“Are you down here deciding who you're going to kill?” Reid spoke up before Hotch could and he looked over at the other male alarmed.

_ “Don’t taunt him! He’s already mad at you because of earlier-”  _ Hotch was trying to get his thoughts through to Reid, but it seemed that either the younger man didn’t understand or he was choosing to ignore his superior. He realized grimly that it was probably the latter.

“That’s precisely what I’m doing Mr. “I’m not a sinner”! Who do you think I should pick?” Lucas was clearly toying with him and Hotch frantically looked between Reid and Blake. 

He had to do something-

“ _ Reid _ .” He said sharply, catching the attention of the unsubs but Reid continued ignoring him.

“Be quiet. I’m trying to have a friendly conversation with your Agent.” Lucas’s voice was cold, but a moment later he smiled again, turning back to Reid with a questioning look in his eye.

“So, who should I kill?” He asked again and Hotch watched with panic as Reid narrowed his eyes at the unsub.

“Instead of talking about who you should kill, how about we discuss the fact that all of your victims were tied up or bound in some way when you hurt them. Are you too scared to fight them head on, or are you just weak?” Hotch had never heard Reid speak with such a cold tone of voice and if this were a different situation he’d probably be proud of the confidence he was displaying-

He wasn’t proud though, because it was obvious that his youngest Agent was trying to sacrifice his life for them.

“Spencer! Stop-” Blake’s voice was full of worry but no one paid attention to her. Instead they were all focused on the way Lucas’s eyes had filled with rage and how his fist was clenched tightly.

“You’re the size of a pipe cleaner so that comment coming from you is pretty funny.” Lucas didn’t look amused, not one bit. The female unsub was leaning against the concrete wall, watching the exchange curiously while Thomas looked horrified, standing by the stairs.

The older brother crouched beside Reid before grabbing a switchblade from the back of his jeans. He switched it open before pressing the blade right up against Reid’s cheek, “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were asking me to kill you.” 

Hotch was struggling against the ropes now and he knew Blake was too. This situation had gone from bad to worse and if they couldn’t diffuse it in time then Reid was going to get himself killed-

_ “One of you is going to be killed anyway… Reid knows that and so do you. It’s why he’s doing this-”  _ Hotch’s head was filled with panicked thoughts that he could barely hold onto any of them.

“Maybe I am.” Spencer finally spoke after a minute of silence. His voice didn’t hold any emotion whatsoever and it didn’t waver. He was dead set on making sure that Hotch or Blake didn’t die.

“Spencer! Stop right now, that’s an order!” Hotch’s voice was commanding but he knew the younger Agent wouldn’t listen. Lucas looked over at him again before smirking,

“Is Agent Hotchner worried about his youngest team member dying? Aw, don’t worry, once this is all over you’ll still have his body to bury.” The older brother cooed and Hotch’s heart dropped. 

“No! Stop. There’s still an hour left- ” Blake was straining against her bonds and she looked like she was going to fall out of her chair- Her voice was almost hysterical at this point and Hotch couldn’t say he blamed her.

Lucas ignored their pleas before turning back towards Reid, Swiftly cutting through the ropes that tied him to the pillar and then the ones around his legs. There were still handcuffs on him and Hotch felt his face paling as Reid was harshly pulled to his feet.

“I won’t kill him yet, but I think I want to spend some one on one time with good old Spencer here.” Lucas’s smile was deranged and Hotch pulled as hard as he could on the thick ropes keeping him in place.

Spencer’s blank expression finally dropped and he gave the others a sorrowful look.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry-” He repeated frantically as Lucas practically dragged him up the stairs. The female unsub had left her spot and began following the other two up the stairs but Thomas was frozen in place. Too terrified to even move.

“Spencer!” Hotch’s breathing was erratic and no matter how hard he tried he still couldn’t get out of his restraints.

Blake didn’t seem to be doing much better. There were tears streaming down her face and she was pleading with Lucas to take her instead.

“P-Please, make sure that my mother-” Spencer began, but was quickly cut off by the slam of the basement door. The only people left in the basement were Hotch, Blake and Thomas.

Blake was practically sobbing now, but Hotch didn’t have it in him to calm her down. Thomas himself had begun frantically pacing around the room but stopped after a few moments, clearly in deep contemplation. 

Then, a loud thud made all 3 of them jump. Hotch’s face paled, Blake began sobbing louder and Thomas spun around and ran up the basement stairs, the door opening and closing behind him.

The basement was silent except for muffled bangs and shouting. Blake was still sobbing and had begun mumbling to herself. A few times Hotch thought he heard her whisper, “Ethan don’t leave me.” But he wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not.

He felt empty…

There was suddenly another loud thud and all Hotch could think of was the fact that Reid was probably being murdered upstairs right at this moment and there was nothing he could do about it.

He failed to protect Reid again.

***

“I found her! I found her!” Garcia came running out of the conference room with her laptop in her hands. She got the attention of several officers who all stared at her with bemusement, but Morgan was too focused on what she had said to realize all the attention they were garnering.

“You did?!” JJ was just as excited and hopped off her seat to rush over to Penelope. Rossi and Emily did as well and they all followed after the giddy blonde. 

They all made their way into the conference room and barely a second after the door shut, Garcia was spluttering out the identity of the female unsub,

“Her name’s Elena woods and she’s 27 years old. She was born in Columbia but was forced to move to Canada to live with her grandparents after her parents got in a car accident, a drunk driver hit their car and they ended up falling down a hill… They were both dead before paramedics arrived… I also made some calls and it turns out Elena sold her apartment and quit her job awhile back and her past coworkers say that she was going back to Columbia because she still had family there.” Garcia was speaking so fast that Morgan could barely hear her. Once she paused she was practically gasping for air-

“Hey baby girl, calm down alright- We can’t have you passing out while you’re talking.

She nodded, too out of breath to speak and after a moment she began again, slower this time,

“When she said she has family in Columbia she’s not really lying since her Aunt and a few of her cousins still live here, but I was thinking about how you mentioned that Elena is probably a psychopath and tried to look at it from a different approach.” Rossi gave the tech analyst a confused look and she continued,

“Turns out Miss Woods did have a murderous reason for coming back to this country, because before her and Lucas bagan killing all those cops they first went to St. Louis and killed a man!”

Emily frowned, “How do you know that?”

“Don’t doubt my skills! I had to do a bit of digging, but the man they killed was the drunk driver who had caused the car accident, which in turn killed Elena’s parents-” 

Morgan’s breath caught in his throat. That… That made a lot of sense-

“The drunk driver's name was Philip Barns and he was shot in the head with a pistol. But that’s not all, get this, the ballistic markings from the bullet match the ones that the officers all got shot with!” Garcia was practically bouncing with excitement and Morgan wanted to wrap her in the biggest hug. It was 11:15pm and they were all so close to giving up, but now thanks to her they finally had a new lead that might help them solve this case.

“So Lucas went to Canada, met a girl and they both bonded over being psychopaths. Then they come back to the US, go and kill Philip Barns, the man who was responsible for her parent’s deaths and after that they decide to go after all of the people responsible for Lucas’s father’s death.” Rossi iterated slowly and Garcia nodded again.

“Seems that way! They both had parents who died in unjust ways and so they probably decided to go after the people responsible.”

“Have I ever told you that I love you.” Morgan was practically swooning at this point. He made a lot of teasing remarks with Penelope but god she was one of the most amazing people he had ever met.

“Aw chocolate thunder you’re so kind to me, but the admiration can wait until you get our family back here safe and sound.” Morgan nodded and gave Garcia a smile.

“Penelope, could you send the Aunt's address to us. She might know where Elena’s been staying so it’s worth a shot in talking to her.” Emily suddenly spoke up and immediately Garcia nodded, already typing on her computer that she was holding with one hand.

“Alright, Morgan do you want to come with me?” Emily turned to him and he gave her a determined stare,

“Hell yeah I want to come. Anything that can help us find our family.” Emily gave him a smile and then waved to the others goodbye before hurrying out of the precinct.

Even with all this new information they still didn’t have a lot of time.

Midnight was approaching quick

*** 

The moment that Reid had been pulled out of the basement he knew what was coming.

Still, the sensation of Lucas’s fist hitting his jaw made him groan. His head snapped to the left and he felt pain blossoming across his face.

_ “I’m doing this for my family- If I hadn’t done what I did then Hotch or Blake would be in this position instead.”  _ He tried reassuring himself, forcing his eyes to stay open so he could stare at his captor. 

The female unsub was looking at the fight with sickening interest and Lucas was giving him a cocky grin, but it faltered once he realized Reid’s resolve still hadn’t broken. He brought up his fist again and Reid quickly brought up his cuffed hands to block the blow. The force of the punch still made him stumble back a little and his legs screamed in protest since he had basically been sitting on hard concrete all day.

“You son of a bitch! Think that just because you're a fancy FBI Agent that you’re better than me!” Lucas spat before launching himself towards Spencer. He didn’t have enough time to move out of the way and so he ended up falling down with a loud thud, smacking his head on the wooden floor  _ hard _ .

Lucas landed on top of him and was pulling his arms away from his face. Reid was too dazed to resist much and he didn’t even register the fact that Thomas had come up from the basement.

Then Lucas brought his fist back down on Reid’s face again and he spluttered when he felt blood come out of his already hurt nose. 

_ “I’m doing this for my family. I’m doing this for my family… I’m doing this for my family… I-I.”  _ Lucas’s fists were hitting all over his body and any coherent thought he made left within seconds.

All he registered now was pain.

He felt tears prick at his eyes and tried curling in on himself, but it was impossible since Lucas was practically sitting on him-

And god, Reid could barely breathe, he was so heavy-

He didn’t remember ever closely his eyes but they flew open again when he felt Lucas’s hands wrap around his throat and squeeze.

He- He couldn’t breath-

He gasped for air, spit rolling down his chin and Lucas’s hands continued squeezing his neck

His cuffed hands scrambled to scratch at Lucas’s, but it was no use. The man was looking at him with an almost crazed expression on his face and Reid felt his vision begin to go spotty.

His hands slowly dropped, not having the energy to fight anymore.

He vaguely heard yelling in the distance, but maybe he was imagining it. He felt comfortable, almost like he was falling asleep.

He lost consciousness before he could realize that Lucas’s hands had stopped choking him.

***

They had broken several speed limits as they made their way to Elena’s Aunts house. The Aunt in question was named Christie Woods and when they had knocked on her door at 11:34pm she hadn’t been pleased-

Even so, she still let the two of them in the house and led them to a cosy looking living room, photos were hung on the walls and a fireplace was cackling softly, setting a warm glow on all of them.

“I’m assuming that whatever you’re here for is important since it’s nearly midnight.” The older woman had frowned, sitting down on one of her sofas. Morgan and Emily took a seat on the opposite side of her, a coffee table in between them before Emily spoke up,

“We’re sorry to bother you, but we’ve been investigating the recent murders of several police officers. Did you know that Elena was back in the US?”

Christie’s eyes widened and she looked between the two of them, “Elena left Canada? I had no idea- Is she alright?”

Emily glanced at Morgan. So Elena hadn’t visited her family at all-

“Ma’am, we believe that Elena’s involved in the murderers actually.” Morgan spoke up and tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible. He had to keep his nerves under control and stop glancing at the time every few seconds.

Christie seemed even more appalled when he said that and she brought a hand up to her face, shaking her head slowly, “Elena- Killed all those cops…”

Emily frowned, “We don’t think she actually killed them, but we do believe she’s working with two other men…” She paused before continuing, “You didn’t seem very surprised when we told you that Elena may be involved, had her behaviour pointed to her being violent before?”   
  


Christie slowly looked up and her brows knitted together, “...There was something wrong with Elena if I’m being honest… Mind you, I haven’t seen her in years, but when I did I always noticed that there was something off about her.”

“In what sense.” Morgan urged her to continue and after a moment she did,

“She never cried, never showed much emotion really. Even when she was little I don’t think I saw her cry, not even after her parents death… Then, there was this time when I was babysitting her in Canada… I think she was around 9 at the time, but I found her outside in the backyard and she had this dead bird in her hand- She told me she had just found it laying there, but I always knew deep down that she had killed it.”

Emily glanced at Morgan, concern written all over her face. These were clear developmental signs of a psychopath-

“Do you know where Elena would go if she were hiding?” Emily questioned patiently, watching as Christie’s face shifted to one of contemplation.

“Maybe her old house? The one where she lived with her parents. I’m pretty sure new people live there, but she may be around the area…” 

Derek gave an appreciative smile, “Could you write down the address, please?”

Christie nodded before quickly grabbing a pen and blank piece of paper off her coffee table. She quickly scribbled down the address and then handed it over to Morgan who read it quickly.

“Thank you Ma’am. Prentiss, I’m going to call Rossi and ask him and JJ to head over there now.” Morgan had already begun to stand up and Emily nodded at him.

He smiled at Christie, registering Emily thanking her for all the help she provided, before he made his way out of the house, pulling out his phone as he walked.

It was now 11:40.

He just hoped that the others were still holding on.

***

_ Spencer was 10. _

_ 1 month, 2 weeks and 4 days ago, his father had left… _

_ Spencer wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel… His father rarely talked to him in the first place and when he did, Spencer always got the impression that he was disappointing him. _

_ He knew that William had always wanted… someone normal. A son who he could watch sports with and play out in the sun with, not a 10 year old who was already in highschool and could barely play soccer to save his life. _

_ He knew that it was foolish of him, but he couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault that his dad left. _

_ Maybe if he had been better at sports and had actually tried to play, or maybe if he had kept his mouth shut and hadn't constantly rattled off statistics. Or maybe if he had taken better care of his mom and gotten her to stay healthy. Would his dad have stayed? _

_ Spencer supposed it didn’t matter in the end. He was gone and he wasn’t coming back. _

_ Even so, he couldn’t help but wonder where his dad was right now… Probably far, far, far away. _

_ From the letter he had given to Spencer before leaving, it was obvious that he wanted to put as much distance between himself and his son and now ex wife. _

_ Spencer had thrown out the letter after he had read it. Tears of frustration leaking from his eyes as he let the words sink in. _

_ He had an eidetic memory- Did his father not realize that he would remember every single word written till the day he died? Or maybe he remembered and that’s why he did it, to make Spencer suffer… _

_ The letter itself wasn’t even harsh, but it was so full of longing and badly hidden desolation that Spencer couldn’t stop himself from crying. _

_ He just wished that he could be good enough… _

_ He realized that tears were brimming at his eyes again and he quickly shook them away. He was in his highschools public library reading and it would be really embarrassing for the librarian to find him sobbing with a stack of books- _

_ He sighed and gently stood up. It was getting late and he should probably get home soon. _

_ His mom had been having a lot of bad days since his dad had left and she had been particularly irritated at Spencer as of late. _

_ The young boy couldn’t help but think that she was also upset with him for making his father walk out… _

_ He frowned and began putting away the books he had pulled out. The librarian was nice enough to let him stay late, but he felt too sad to read anymore- _

_ He just wanted to go home and lay down… _

_ Well, he wanted a lot more than that but he knew that none of his wishes would ever come true. The best thing that could happen tonight was if his mom was feeling better. If she was, she’d give him a hug and maybe even cook dinner for the first time in a while. _

_ His stomach rumbled at the remembrance that he’d basically been living off of instant noodles and convenience store snacks for the past few weeks and he desperately wished he knew how to cook- _

_ He was sure he could figure it out if he tried hard enough but he was much too small to even reach the stovetop… He’d probably just end up burning himself and the food. _

_ He finished putting away the last book and picked up his bag, slinging it across his shoulder. He waved goodbye to the librarian who smiled back at him and then began making the walk home. _

_ The weather was humid and in minutes Spencer felt himself sweating. Great, now he’d have to have a shower before laying down… _

_ The sun was beginning to set, casting a golden glow across the landscape and after about 20 minutes, Spencer finally found his way home. _

_ His feet ached and when he looked down he knew that his shoes were way too small for his feet. He’d have to see if they had enough money to buy him a new pair because they were seriously started to really hurt him- _

_ He slowly walked up his front lawn, the grass unkempt and full of weeds. His dad was the one who mowed it, and now that he was gone it was left to become overgrown. Spencer would do it himself but yet again he was way too short… _

_ He really hoped he would become taller soon- _

_ He reached his front door and pulled out his keys. A lot of times his mom forgot to lock their door, so Spencer had been trying to remember each time he left the house. He inserted his house key into the keyhole and unlocked it. Seems his mom hadn’t left the house at all again- _

_ Spencer didn’t know whether he should be glad or worried. _

_ He slowly peaked his head inside. All the lights were off and he’d assume his mom was gone if it weren’t for the fact that he could hear mumbling coming from upstairs. _

_ It seemed that his wish of getting a hug and dinner was not happening… _

_ He crept inside, toeing off his too small shoes and leaving them on a worn shoe mat. He quietly made his way to the stairs leading to the upper floor and made sure to maneuver around steps he knew creaked, scared that if he made too much noise he’d scare his mother. _

_ Once he was up the stairs he made his way to his mother’s room. Her rambling was louder now that Spencer was closer and he felt a spike of fear shoot up his spine as he heard her sob. _

_ Was she crying about dad? _

_ He wanted to make sure she was okay and so he quickly made his way to the bedroom, forgetting to be quiet and pushed open her door. She was sitting on the end of her bed, rocking back and forth, her head in her hands and Spencer cautiously made his way fully into the room. _

_ “Mom?” He questioned, his voice was quiet and almost scared. He had never seen her this upset before- _

_ She hadn't seemed to hear him and so he walked closer to her, raising his voice so it didn’t sound like a whisper anymore, “Mom? Are you okay?” _

_ Her mumbling became louder and Spencer nearly flinched back. Why was he so scared? This was his mom and she was just sad, that’s all- _

_ He hesitantly reached out to grab her arm but the moment his tiny hand wrapped around her even tinier wrists, she jumped back and stared at him with an angry expression on her face. _

_ He had also jumped back at the sudden movement and was frozen in place by the expression on his mother’s face, “Mommy?” His voice was small and he wanted to cry again. Why was she looking at him like that? _

_ “I told you- I told you to stop spying on me! What the hell is wrong with you?! Leave me alone you spy!” She screamed at him and Spencer jumped back further. He was terrified- _

_ “M-Mom It’s me… Spencer. I’m not a spy-” He stammered out, hoping that she’d calm down and then go back to normal… He just wanted a hug from her- _

_ For a fleeting moment he thought that it had worked when she stood off the edge of the bed and came over to him. Then instead of hugging him she harshly grabbed his wrist. Her grip was too tight and Spencer found himself crying out in protest. _

_ “Ow! Mom- You’re hurting me!” He couldn’t stop tears from leaking out of his eyes as his mother dragged him out of the room. Once they were in the hallway she finally let go of him and on instinct he reached out for her, his brain in too much of a haze from hyperventilating. _

_ He almost grabbed onto her arm again when she quickly brought her hand up and slapped him across the face, _

_ “I told you to stop watching us! Leave me and my son alone!” She screamed angrily before storming into her room, slamming the door behind her. _

_ Spencer was in too much shock to actually process what she had said. The left side of his face stung and he felt tears continue to leak out of his eyes. _

_ His mother… Had hit him-  _

_ She had never done that before and as Spencer ran to his room sobbing, all he could think about was how he wished he was good enough. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter warnings**  
> Physical torture, strangulation, child abuse and suicidal behaviour.
> 
> Hehehehe this fic is nearing the end!! Next chapter is definitely the biggest and most important in this series and so I'm going to try and finish editing it as soon as possible!
> 
> Chapter 8 will be more of a closing for this story and I'm currently still writing it, but the reason it's taken so long is because I literally started having a mental breakdown about it lmaooooo. There's going to be a happy ending to this fic (kind of bittersweet but still happy?) but writing it is just making me emotional and I don't know why fhdvjgav
> 
> Okie! Bye for now, I'll see you in the next update ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this chapter! I've had a lot going on and didn't have time to edit this lmao. That being said this fic is coming to a close and I'm like very proud of myself since I've never finished a multi chapter fic before :)))
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this extremely long chapter and hopefully I'll be able to post the ending to this in a few days.
> 
> (Chapter warnings are at the end because they contain spoilers!)

_ A destruction, an annihilation that only man can provoke, only man can prevent. _

-Elie Wiesel

***

Spencer woke up.

Well, waking up probably wouldn’t be the correct way to put it-

His mind had slowly floated into consciousness and with it he was brought to the realization that  _ everything  _ hurt. 

He felt like he had been hit by a bus… Had he been hit by a bus?

No- He had only been beaten by Lucas, the older male unsub.

He groaned slightly as he tried to move from his spot on the wooden floor. They hadn’t moved his body anywhere and they hadn’t even tied him up again- 

Well, it wasn’t like they needed to anyways because as Reid tried pushing himself up, his entire body felt like it was on fire. He groaned again, dropping back down onto the hard floor. At least it was better than laying on concrete?

He remembers the dream he had with almost perfect clarity. It wasn’t a fond memory and he cursed his brain for reminding him of it at this time.

Maybe that’s why he was reminded in the first place… His mind probably connected the two events somehow within Reid’s mind and brought it to the front of his subconscious.

That must be it… Still, Reid felt bitter at how perfectly clear the dream had been within his mind. He had spent years trying to push it out of his head and since joining the BAU he had done a pretty good job.

His thoughts suddenly dissipated from his mind, his breath catching in his throat as he heard shuffling coming from somewhere in the room. He hadn’t looked around, but he assumed he was alone-

Heavy footsteps made their way over to him and Spencer willed his breathing to even out so they’d think he was still sleeping.

Maybe it wouldn’t matter either way. Maybe it was midnight and they were going to kill him whether he was awake or not-

“Hey. Are you awake?” The footsteps stopped beside him and a quiet voice called out into the space. Reid gently opened his eyes despite his pounding headache and looked at who had spoken to him.

It was Thomas and he looked to be alone.

Spencer opened his mouth to try and speak but Thomas quickly hushed him, “I wouldn’t try and talk… Your neck looks really bruised-” It was surprising to hear a level of guilt within the younger man's voice. He wasn’t the one who strangled him-

Thinking back on it… He remembers hearing shouting before passing out. Had Thomas stopped Lucas from completely killing him?

His eyes fluttered closed again, exhaustion already seeping through his veins just from thinking-

“Hey! Try to stay awake alright? U-Uh I’ll go get you some water hold on.” Spencer forced his eyes open again and watched as Thomas ran to a cupboard, retrieving a cup and then filling it up in a sink.

Spencer hadn’t had time to look around the room before, probably because he was getting beat to an inch of his life, but they were most definitely in a cabin.

The floor and walls were made of the same logs and it looked like he was in a kitchen. There was a small table in the middle of the room, the polaroid camera was sitting on top of the surface and there were 4 chairs surrounding it. Several old paintings of flowers hung on the wall and the room itself smelled like pine leaves and syrup.

It was almost kind of homey. Maybe this was a family cabin?

Thomas had finished filling up a cup with water and then hurried back over to Spencer. He placed the glass onto the floor before frowning at the Agents beaten form.

He was sure he looked out of place here- A nice cozy cabin and then his body was just sprawled out on the floor-

“...I’m going to try to sit you up-” Thomas had already begun gripping Reid’s shoulders and he could do nothing more than whine in protest.

It hurt- A lot… Possibly even more than when Charles had beat him into having a seizure and dying-

“Okay! One. Two. Three-” The younger man barely gave him time to prepare before he was lifting him up and leaning him against a nearby wall. Spencer felt tears prick at his eyes as his limbs screamed in protest, but after a few moments he let him go and the pain subsided, not completely but it was still an improvement.

He was practically gasping for air at this point but Thomas didn’t seem to notice, “There! Laying on the floor couldn’t have been very nice.” He turned away for a moment to grab the glass of water again before gently placing it in Reid’s cuffed hands.

He didn’t even think he could bring the glass up to his lips but he was desperate for water since he hadn’t had any all day, so he forced his arms to work.

The water was like heaven on his bruised throat. He sighed happily and after he finished the glass, Thomas took it from him, placing it on the floor again.

He then looked over at Reid with a sad expression on his face, his brows were pinched together and his mouth was pulled into a frown.

“In a few minutes, it will be midnight… My brother’s going to make the call to the disposable cell, but we’ve been keeping an eye on the precinct all day and it doesn’t look like they’ve bothered to fulfill any of our demands.” Spencer leaned his head against the wall before sighing.

He hadn’t read the demands but he was sure that it would be impossible for the others to meet them… 

“You made him angry on purpose… Why would you do that? He’s going to kill you now because of what you did.” Thomas’s voice was desperate, almost like he couldn’t comprehend why he did what he did.

It was funny really. He thought out of everyone here, that Thomas would be able to understand...

He opened his mouth to speak again, ignoring the younger males protests and explained, his voice hoarse,

“...They’re my family and I want to keep them safe… Even if I have to die.”

***

11:56 pm.

Rossi couldn’t get the time out of his head as he continuously broke speed limits, attempting to get to the female unsubs old house as quickly as possible.

He knew deep down in his heart that they wouldn’t be keeping 3 federal Agents in a place where there’s plenty of neighbours to witness them, but he hoped that maybe, just maybe there was a clue that would point them to where they had taken the others.

11:57

He stepped on the gas harder.

11:58

They were almost at the house.

11:59

He swerved down a street before spotting the house in question. The lights were still on inside and a red SUV was parked in the driveway. Rossi parked the car in front of the home before turning to give JJ a determined look.

The two of them quickly exited the car but immediately freezed when an unfamiliar ringtone met their ears.

It was midnight.

Rossi looked down and pulled out the disposable cell phone. He knew that there was no way they were going to be able to trace where they were calling from, they had been too organized up to this point to make such a stupid mistake.

Even so, he knew that Garcia would see the phone was active from her laptop and would try her hardest to pin the location where the others were being kept.

Rossi wasn’t generally an optimistic person but he could only hope that maybe they’d get lucky, really lucky.

He hit accept and then hesitantly brought the phone up to his ear.

Maybe he could stall them long enough or convince them for more time?

JJ was looking over at him with a worried look on her face and Rossi gestured for her to go into the house without him. They didn’t have time to waste and it was pretty obvious that Elena and the others weren’t in the house.

“Hello? Who am I speaking too?” A man’s voice echoed through the phone and immediately Rossi realized it was the older brother.

“You’re talking to Agent Rossi from the Behavioural analysis unit. I’m assuming this is Lucas?” He tried to keep his voice even but he was already clenching the phone tightly. He was good at negotiating but not when his family was in danger.

“Yep!” He popped the “p” obnoxiously and Rossi wanted to throw the phone at the pavement. This was one big game to the unsubs.

“Is Elena with you? Your girlfriend?” He kept his voice neutral and was pleased when there was no immediate response. There was shuffling on the other line but still no talking. Rossi waited patiently and after a few moments a new voice spoke through the phone,

“I’m impressed, Agent Rossi, you figured out who I am! Unfortunately that’s not enough to save your friends. Did you or did you not meet our demands, I’ll know if you’re lying so please be honest.” Her voice was laced with such a false sweetness that Rossi wanted to vomit. He’d rather listen to Lucas’s condescending tone then her fakeness-

“We didn’t.” He decided to tell the truth in that regard, “The demands you wrote us are big and we need more time to set things up.” Now that was a lie- There was no way they’d be able to meet their demands but she didn’t need to know that.

“I told you not to lie to me.” Well that plan just shattered into a billion pieces- “I’m assuming that you can’t give us what we want, even though we have 3 of your Agents?”

At the reminder that 3 of his friends were still being held hostage he clenched the phone tighter. It was midnight and if he couldn’t convince the unsubs not to kill one of them then surely someone would die…

“I’m sure we can come to an agreement where you get what you want and no one dies…” He spoke cautiously and heard the woman on the other line scoff,

“I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to buy yourselves more time so that you can find where we’re keeping them and then apprehend us… It’s not going to work.” 

His heart dropped in his chest, “You don’t have to kill anyone else Elena. We know about the drunk driver who killed your parents, but those 3 Agents did nothing to hurt you-” He was grasping for any sort of leverage now. He couldn’t let one of his family die.

He couldn’t-

“You all hurt us the moment you started investigating this case. I’ll make sure my boyfriend sends you plenty of photos of his body.”

She hung up before Rossi could respond and his arm fell limply to the side.

Photos of  _ his _ body.

Aaron or Spencer was going to die if they couldn’t find them soon.

Very soon.

***

When Rossi had gestured for JJ to go to the house, she quickly made her way up the front of the porch before knocking loudly.

The door swung open almost immediately (The people inside probably saw them pull up in their car) and JJ was greeted with a middle aged man and woman who looked like they were getting ready for bed.

“Can we help you?” The man spoke in a guarded voice. His balding hair was brown and he was wearing a bathrobe.

JJ pulled out her badge and showed it to them. She was being rather impatient but could you blame her?

“I’m Agent Jareau with the FBI. May I come in?”

The middle aged couple shared surprised looks before immediately nodding and gesturing for JJ to enter. She gave them a slight smile and nod before she was led into a kitchen,

“Could I get you anything dear? We have Coffee and lots of different teas.” The older lady asked anxiously and JJ shook her head,

“Thank you, but I don’t have a lot of time. I apologize for coming over so late, but we’re investigating some murders and we think that past occupants of this house may be involved.” The faces of the couple relaxed slightly, probably happy to know why an FBI Agent was there in the first place.

“Oh- Well we never met the people who lived here before. I heard that they got in a car accident and passed away…” The woman explained and JJ sighed. This lead was already flimsy and she was starting to wonder why they hurried over here in the first place.

“Um, is your partner not going to come in?” The older man was looking out the window at the figure of Rossi, who was currently still on the phone.

“He’s speaking with someone right now so I’m not sure.” It would be best if he stayed on the phone for as long as he could. Convince them not to kill one of their friends or at least stall them-

“You seem kind of anxious dear. Is this case a bad one?” JJ tried to force herself to look calm but it wasn’t working very well- she frowned,

“We’ve sort of hit a dead end and so we’re trying to find any new pieces of information. Even the smallest thing could help us.”

JJ watched with anticipation as the man suddenly straightened up, obviously remembering something,

“I just realized…” He began slowly, “We never did meet the people who lived here but some of their stuff was left behind. It’s not a lot, but there’s a box in the attic of some things they left behind.” JJ’s eyes shot up and she looked at them in surprise. It wasn’t a lot but like she had said even the smallest bits of information could help them.

“Do you think you could get me that box please?” The man nodded and scrambled out of the room. The two ladies stood quietly as they heard him moving through the house and a couple of moments later he came back in, carrying a dusty box.

He placed it onto the kitchen table and immediately JJ went up to it. A lot of it was miscellaneous items that people would probably never realize they’d forgotten. She sifted through the things, the couple watching from a distance when her hand felt something hard.

She gently pulled out the object and realized it was a framed photo. Her nose scrunched up at the amount of dust and grime that had collected on the glass and she had to use her sleeve to rub it off so that she could make out what was being depicted within the photo.

...It was a family. A mother and father with their little girl standing in between them. In the background there was a cottage and it looked like the family had taken a photo before going out fishing.

They looked… Happy.

JJ looked down at the little girl and even she was smiling in the photo, though there was something off about the way she did. It was like the emotion didn’t reach her eyes or that it was a practiced expression…

She sighed. Was this useful in any way?

She glanced back down at the photo again and after a minute it hit her. She felt her breath catch in her throat and immediately she was pulling out her phone, dialing Garcia’s number as she did.

The couple was looking at her with bemused expressions on their faces but JJ was too frantic to pay any attention to them.

She brought her phone up to her ear, it rung a few times before Garcia answered and immediately JJ began talking, too rushed to give proper greetings,

“Penelope, can you check if Elena’s mother or father owned a cabin somewhere around here?” He heard Garcia begin typing and crossed her fingers, praying to any god that would listen that this would be their break.

“Okay let me check… Yes! Oh my god yes! They do! After the parents died the cottage was put into the grandparents name so Elena should have access to it. I’m sending the address to all of your phones but please hurry, the drives pretty long and it’s already past midnight.” Garcia’s voice was as frantic as JJ felt and after she finished speaking, JJ nodded, despite knowing the other couldn’t see her.

“Thank you Garcia! We’ll meet the others there.”

She hung up and then turned to the couple, thanking them excitedly for all of their help. They seemed confused but were still grateful that they were able to assist and after that JJ ran out of the house, the photo still clutched in her hand.

They had to be there.

If they weren’t at the cabin then JJ didn’t know where else they could be.

***

Spencer woke up again, which was odd because he didn’t even remember falling asleep in the first place.

He supposed that after he had talked with Thomas he had passed out...

He slowly opened his eyes, pleased to realize that he was still leant against the wall and not somewhere else where he’d surely be killed.

Thomas was still sitting on the floor across from him but he didn’t seem to realize that the other was awake. His face was pulled into a frown, his eyebrows knitted together and his eyes were unfocused. He looked like he was in deep thought.

He couldn’t have been unconscious for more then a few minutes-

Reid opened his mouth to try speaking, but just at that moment, the front door swung open and Lucas along with the female unsub entered.

They both looked… On edge.

Thomas’s head had snapped up once he realized they entered and he turned to face them, standing up off the floor. He still didn’t acknowledge Reid’s presence which was something couldn’t help but feel grateful for.

His body hurt too much to try and keep a conversation going-

“What’s wrong?” Thomas asked the two of them. Lucas scowled before glancing at his girlfriend,

“They know who Elena is and so we figure it’s only a matter of time before they figure out that we’re hiding here.” Lucas’s tone was angry but Reid could still sense the underlying fear within it.

Elena? That must be the female unsubs name.

He felt a warmth spread through his chest at the knowledge that the others had gotten so far in the investigation. He couldn’t help but hope that maybe they’d find this cabin in time before he was killed.

He had put himself in this situation to protect Hotch and Blake but that didn’t necessarily mean he  _ wanted  _ to die. He just was comfortable with doing so if it meant the others would be okay-

“What are we going to do?! If they find us we’ll be done for- I… I don’t want to go to prison.” Thomas’s fearful voice filled the cabin and he began pacing back and forth.

“We’re not going to prison, we just have to get out of here okay? We’re going to drop the ransom idea since those stupid ass FBI Agents don’t seem very cooperative, and then head to Canada where we can hide out.” They were dropping their demands? Did that mean they weren’t going to kill him? Or did that mean that they were going to kill all of them to get rid of any witness?!

Spencer felt his heart rate accelerate and he sat up straighter against the wall. There was no way he could fight against them if they decided to kill all 3 of them-

“Are we leaving now?! And what about the others.” Thomas finally gestured back to Spencer and he suddenly felt very uncomfortable with all the pairs of eyes on him.

“We can leave the other two in the basement alive, since they don’t know shit, but we need to kill him to send a message and because he heard this conversation. They failed to meet our demands and so he’s got to go.” Elena spoke after a beat of silence and Reid felt relief seep through him.

Okay good, they were only going to kill him. That was okay…

Was it?

“What?! I thought you just said we were dropping the demands- Why do we still need to kill him?” Thomas seemed appalled and stared at his brother desperately,

“...Do we really need to kill him?” His voice had lost its nerve and now he only sounded defeated.

“I’m sorry Tommy, I know I promised you that we’d only kill the people on the list, but those FBI Agents are at fault for this. It's past midnight and they haven’t given us any of the things we asked for.” Lucas’s voice actually sounded apologetic, which was such a strange aspect of his being considering how many people he had tortured and killed without showing the slightest hint of remorse.

There was a minute of silence and Reid was waiting for his sentence. He wondered how Lucas would kill him, assuming that the man would be the one to do it… Maybe he’d get lucky and be shot in the head like the others-

“...I’ll do it.” Thomas’s voice caused his head to snap up, his expression one of shock. He wanted to kill him?! He thought he had actually gained somewhat of a bond with the younger male but apparently not since he was volunteering to end his life-

Lucas seemed just as shocked, “You want to kill him? Tommy… You don’t have to-”

“There’s a river downhill. I can drown him over there and you two can stay here and get stuff ready so by the time I’m back we can leave.” Thomas cut in, his voice was steady and completely serious. Spencer felt himself tensing, not only was drowning classified as one of the most painful ways to die, but it was november- The water would be freezing.

Maybe Thomas would be nice enough and knock him out before drowning him?   
  


Jeez, he was so depressing- He had completely accepted his death at this point.

Lucas and Elena hesitated but it was the older brother who spoke first, “You did say you wanted to be the one to kill the Agents if this ended up going wrong but I’m surprised you stuck to your word. Are you sure you don’t want to just shoot him?”

_ “Yes! Please shoot me instead of drowning!” _   
  


“U-Uh you know how I get around blood- I don’t think I could handle shooting him.” Thomas spoke almost shyly and Lucas went over, clapping the other on the shoulder.

“Okay, you go down to the river but try to be as quick as you can.” Thomas nodded after Lucas had finished speaking and then Elena came up to the two of them, grabbing the polaroid camera off of the kitchen table,

“Take this with you and take some photos of his dead body. We can leave them here for the other FBI Agents to find and then they’ll have to go looking for his actual corpse which will be floating downstream.” Reid knew that the real reason she wanted him to take photos was because she didn’t believe that Thomas would actually kill him-

It was a smart idea but it did not aid in Spencer’s chances of getting out of this alive-

“Okay. Lucas can you help put him in the trunk?” Thomas was looking back at Spencer again and he forced himself to maintain eye contact. If he was going to die he wouldn’t give them the pleasure of seeing him scared.

He still felt disconcerted though. Thomas seemed absolutely fixated on the idea of being the one to drown him...    
  


One minute he seemed terrified by the idea and the next he was practically pleading with Lucas to be the one to kill Reid-

“Yep I can help you.” The older brother came over to Spencer before harshly pulling him to his feet, not unlike when he pulled him out of the basement.

Spencer's limbs felt like they were on fire and he barely walked two steps before he was falling over. Lucas was the only thing keeping him outright, but when he stumbled his arm ended up rubbing against the man’s shirt.

God, he wanted to put that shirt in a fire-

“Come on, we don’t have all day.” Lucas hissed, shoving Reid. He stumbled even further, groaning. He seriously wasn’t trying to delay the inevitable it was just that he felt like he was being stabbed each time he took a step-

Were some of his ribs broken?!

Spencer decided that’s what was probably wrong, considering it was his midsection that was in the most pain with each movement.

Lucas seemed to give up trying to force him to walk because he cursed before harshly picking Spencer’s light weight off the floor and carrying him out of the cabin’s front door.

Usually, Spencer would probably be embarrassed at the fact that he was currently being carried bridal style, but he was too focused on the fact that he was going to die.

There was also the fact that this new position just caused him to be even more uncomfortable and he whined quietly.

He barely noticed that they were outside and only seemed to come back to his senses when Lucas popped open the trunk of the blue Toyota that he had seen earlier and then threw Spencer in it.

Spencer’s groan was muffled by the impact of his body hitting the inside of the trunk and a moment later he was plunged into darkness when the trunk was closed.

God, he was way too tall to fit in this properly-

His legs were pulled up to his chest and he still barely had any space.

He felt his breathing pick up again caused by the darkness and he clenched his eyes shut.

He was going to die.

He really was going to die.

His only hope now was if the others got to the cabin in time but he wasn’t optimistic about that happening. They were in the middle of the woods- It was probably a pretty long drive to wherever they were.

Maybe he could try stalling Thomas?

He didn’t even know if that would work considering how assertive he had been in being the one to kill Spencer. It was worth a try if he got the chance though…

He reminded himself that he was doing this for his family.

At least he was the one dying and not Hotch or Blake.

At least they’d go home safe…

He heard muffled voices of a conversation between the two brothers but he couldn’t understand what either of them were saying. After another minute he felt the car dip from the weight of someone sitting down and then the engine roared to life, the rumbling causing Reid to flinch.

His eyes were still closed tightly but he opened them hesitantly, it was pitch black and he could feel the car slowly driving down a dirt path.

He wondered how long it would take to reach this so-called river.

He counted the seconds, then minutes in his head. Trying to ignore the fact that his heart wouldn’t stop racing and after 7 minutes and 28 seconds, the car finally stopped and Reid heard the opening and closing of the car door.

He could hear the sound of water from his spot but when Thomas opened the trunk Reid didn’t even have the time to try and see the water itself before he was being forcefully dragged out of the car.

He fell onto the damp grass with a thud and Thomas immediately began dragging his cuffed hands closer to the river.

Reid kicked and thrashed around, digging his feet into the dirt as a last ditch effort to stay alive, but in the end it was no use. Thomas was stronger than his beaten form and ended up pulling him upright before throwing him face first into the water below.

The temperature of the river had Reid instinctually opening his mouth to scream but he ended up just swallowing a mouthful of the water. His already hurt body, screamed in protest and it was only a matter of seconds before Reid felt his fingertips go numb.

He continued thrashing even more, trying to get his head above the cold water, but Thomas had one of his hands, holding his head down while the other was pushing on his back, keeping him from being able to do much but kick his legs.

His lungs were screaming in protest from the lack of air and Reid felt his vision beginning to go black around the edges again.

This was it, he was going to die here- His corpse floating downstream for the others to find.

Suddenly, he felt himself being pulled out of the water, he gasped for air, too dazed to understand what had happened. His eyes had fallen closed and his breathing was erratic but he could breath-

He felt Thomas flip him over, still pinning him so he was laying in the river, but his head wasn’t under the water.

He heard the younger man moving above him but didn’t have the energy to open his eyes and see what he was doing. He turned his head, as far as he could and coughed slightly, water from the river coming up with the cough.

“Stop moving- I have to make it look like your dead.” Thomas, forcefully grabbed Reid’s face, turning it back to its original position. Reid could barely comprehend what he was saying but decided that he should probably stay still.

He heard several flashes of a camera and after a few minutes the weight of Thomas holding him down went away.

He forced his eyes open to look at the man who was supposed to kill him but didn’t and was surprised to see him wearing a worried expression,

“I’m sorry, but this is the only way that I could keep you alive… You said you had put yourself in danger to protect your family, and I realized that me and you are really similar… I helped my brother do all of those bad things because I care about him and you put yourself in harm's way because you care about those other Agents… It felt wrong letting you die…” His voice was soft and Reid couldn’t believe what his hazy mind was hearing.

He had done it.

He had gotten through to the youngest unsub-

He closed his eyes, a small smile forming on his lips.

And then he succumbed to darkness.

***

Hotch didn’t know how much time had passed since Reid was taken from the room.

He had heard the car start and the sound of someone driving away but he had no way of knowing whether Reid was in that car or not.

Maybe he was- Maybe he was in the car and being driven to a secondary location. One where he would be killed.

Blake’s sobs had died down a little while ago. She was too dehydrated and exhausted to cry anymore and so she just sat limply in her seat, staring at the spot where Spencer used to be.

Hotch was in the same situation, just staring into space, too exhausted to do much of anything anymore.

It was definitely past midnight at this point…

It was past midnight and the team still hadn’t found them.

Hotch didn’t blame them of course, this case had too many intricacies to be solved in such a short amount of time.

He was just… guilty maybe?

He knew that the team wouldn’t give up until they found them, but when they did, how was Hotch going to explain to them that they were too late and that Spencer was dead?   
  


No- He wasn’t dead! He had no way of knowing that-

_ “It’s past midnight though. Spencer’s probably already dead, his body lying somewhere, eyes unseeing and chest unmoving-”  _ His head was not being very helpful right now. In abduction cases they always assume that the victim is alive, unless they find other evidence to prove otherwise.

He had no evidence whatsoever to suggest that his Agent was dead, so for the time being he’d assume that Reid was still alive… Still  _ breathing _ .

The sound of a car pulling back up to the cabin snapped Hotch out of his thoughts. His head turned to look out the window, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to see the car from the angle.

Was he about to get his evidence of Reid’s death?

Would they drag his body in the basement for Blake and Hotch to see?

God- He really needed to stop being so morbid. He was the Unit Chief of the BAU and yet here he was, having an internal crisis with himself about his youngest Agents well being-

He heard the opening and shutting of a car door and waited several minutes, barely daring to breath. Blake seemed to be doing the same because they shared a quick worried glance.

Hotch needed to know- He needed to know whether Spencer was dead or not… He couldn’t handle not knowing. He couldn’t handle all of the possibilities that were floating in his mind.

Finally, after another few agonizing minutes the basement door opened and down came the 3 unsubs… but no Reid-

Maybe he was lying unconscious somewhere upstairs? Maybe they decided not to kill him?

“Why hello! It’s so nice to talk with you again.” Lucas was usually the one to initiate the conversations but Hotch was too nervous to be angry at his arrogant tone.

“Where’s Spencer?” Hotch grit out. He didn’t even care that he was referring to Reid by his first name anymore… He just needed to know-

Lucas came up to the two of them, a big, happy smile on his face, “Well you see Agents, it's past midnight and your friends still haven’t given us what we want. I told you the rules… So where do you think little old Spencer is?” His voice was teasing and he crouched down to look at Blake’s angry expression. It didn’t exactly hold a very intimidating affect though, considering she had tear stains on her face-

“You didn’t- I- don’t believe you.” Blake’s voice deeply contrasted the expression she was wearing. She sounded broken… 

Hotch felt that way too.

Spencer was… dead?

No- That couldn’t be the truth… They had to be lying. Right?

“Tommy, show them the photos.” Lucas didn’t turn his head to look back at his younger brother, but Thomas immediately began pulling out a pile of polaroid photos from his coat pocket.

It was only then that Hotch noticed, Thomas was covered in mud and water-

From beside the young man, the female unsub stood, wearing the first real expression that Hotch had ever seen on her.

She looked happy-

Thomas fumbled a bit with getting all of the photos out, his hands were shaking (Why were they shaking, what did he do?!) but once he did he walked up beside his brother and one by one began placing photos of…

No.

They couldn’t be real-

There was no way the photos were real- They couldn’t be real.

From beside him Blake started sobbing again, but Hotch could barely hear her, his ears were ringing so loudly.

He was too focused on watching Thomas put down the last polaroid photo.

The young man stood up once he was done, but yet again Hotch wasn’t aware of his surroundings. 

All he could see were the photos.

Spencer.

The brightest, most brilliant young man he had ever met, who had trouble keeping up with social cues, but who had an ability to brighten any room he was in. A man who hated shaking hands because of germs, “ _ 80% of common infections are passed through hands!”  _ but a man who craved affection and physical contact of any kind. A man who could read twenty-thousand words a minute and remember every single one… 

A man who was now dead.

Hotch couldn’t believe it.

Spencer was… Dead, he was dead-

The photos were all taken from different angles, showcasing the horrible and surely painful death that his youngest Agent had suffered.

Hotch wanted to scream- Curse out the unsubs for killing Spencer, for drowning him so cruelly in surely freezing waters.

_ “He had been in the car. He had been in the car- They took him to water so they could kill him- Then they photographed it- God… His body was probably floating somewhere, just waiting to be found from Hotch and the others-” _

He hated the photos.

Yet he couldn’t look away.

He couldn’t look away from the photos surely depicting Spencer right after he took his last breath.

His skin was  _ so _ pale, making the bruises and blood contrast against him so much more. He had such a dark ring of bruises around his throat that it didn’t even look like his skin anymore- His lips were tinted blue and he was soaked, still laying lifeless in the water that killed him. His hair was soaked too, sticking to his face. A piece of it was going into his mouth (And god- Hotch knew how much that’d bug the younger man if he were alive-).

But he was dead-

This wasn’t like Hankel- Spencer was dead, left to float god knows where, and he wasn’t coming back.

Hotch had got his evidence.

Spencer… The man that he had thought of as a son (But he’d always been too afraid to admit it out loud) was dead.

He wished he told Spencer how much he meant to him…

Would that have comforted him in his final moments? Knowing that Hotch thought of him as a son for years, possibly since the first day they met…

What had Spencer been thinking before he died?

Had he been scared? Probably- Hotch could imagine him desperately trying to get out of the water, only to be shoved further down until his lungs filled with liquid and his heart stopped beating.

Despite that, Spencer probably would’ve been happy too… His whole reason for putting himself in danger was to protect him and Blake.

Were his last thoughts about the BAU? Being sad that he wouldn’t see them again but happy that he was the one who was dying and not someone else?

Hotch finally turned his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

It didn’t matter though, the photographs had already been ingrained in his mind.

Stupid Reid- Stupid, selfless Spencer Reid. Getting himself killed to save them.

_ “Remember when Tobias forced me to pick someone to die and I wasn’t allowed to choose myself?” Reid’s voice was barely above a whisper, his head downcast. _

_ “I remember…” _

_ He looked into Hotch’s eyes, a horrible sadness filling them, “I don’t want anyone else to die.” _

They had the conversation only mere hours earlier, but yet it felt like an eternity had passed since then.

Is that when Reid decided? 

When he decided that he’d be the one to die this time?

A sound jerked Hotch from his… Could this be considered grieving? 

He turned his head to the source and sighed softly.

Police sirens.

He thought he would be happy when the team eventually found them…

He wasn’t. He didn’t think he’d be happy ever again.

He doubted anyone on the team would… They would save Hotch and Blake, but they would also find the pictures of Spencer's drowned body. They would blame themselves…

And Hotch wouldn’t be able to comfort them because Spencer was dead and it felt like the world had gone gray, like all of life had been sucked out of everything.

“Fuck! They’re here already?! Elena, go get the guns from upstairs. Tommy, you go grab our bags!” Lucas shouted, his voice shaking with a mixture of rage and fear. Hotch looked over numbly, as the female unsub who had just been revealed to be Elena, spun around quickly and ran up the stairs. 

Thomas didn’t move and inch though, frozen in fear and unable to move.

_ “You deserve all the fear you’re feeling. You killed him.”  _ Hotch thought that Spencer had made such good progress with the younger unsub- But then he had gone and killed him.

Hotch wanted to kill them all for doing what they did. He didn’t care if he got arrested and sent to prison… He just wanted to make them pay.

“Good luck getting out of this alive.” His voice didn’t hold any emotion, but that was only because he didn’t have the energy for that right now, “You killed him… And once they find out, they’ll kill you too.”

Thomas paled even more and opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Lucas cut in.

“Shut up! God, if I had my gun with me right now I’d shoot the both of you. Tommy, we’re going to get out of this alright? Just go get the bags and be ready to leave as quick as possible!”

Finally, Thomas snapped out of his daze before nodding jerkily and also spinning around, sprinting up the stairs and flinging open the door.

Lucas followed closely behind him, leaving a numb Hotch and a hysteric Blake alone in the basement, surrounded by photos upon photos of their dead Spencer. 

Hotch could see the red and blue lights reflecting off trees through the small window. He would get to go home soon and see Jack and Blake would also get to go home and see her husband…

Spencer would not get to go home.

Well maybe he would- but he wouldn’t be alive…

Because Spencer; Garcia’s “Boy wonder”, Rossi’s “Passerotto”, Morgan’s “Pretty boy”, JJ’s “Spence”, Blake’s “Genius” and Hotch’s… son,

Was dead…

***

On the way to the cabin, Morgan had broken more traffic laws then he cared to admit.

Prentiss didn’t seem to mind and when Rossi and JJ pulled up in their own SUV minutes later, they were going just as fast-

Police sirens were blaring, flashing their colorful red and blue lights all across the forest and Morgan impatiently watched as the Police got ready to take down the unsubs.

Their plan was to first start with a negotiation and see if they could get the unsubs to surrender themselves. They knew that they had at least one gun and none of them wanted to risk the chance that if they went in shooting, that they’d accidentally kill one of their own.

Prentiss was standing beside him, to a stranger it may look like she was put together and patiently waiting for the go ahead but Morgan could see her finger twitching towards her gun holster every now and then.

JJ and Rossi had gone around back, to see if there were any more entrances and Morgan’s head perked up when he noticed them returning. Their expressions were unreadable from the distance but JJ was jogging over to them, in a hurry to tell them what they found.

“JJ?” Prentiss questioned, watching as JJ made her way over to them, Rossi trailing closely behind.

“There’s a small window at the side of the house that looks into the basement.” She began, her eyes wide, “We can see Hotch and Blake tied up down there…” Morgan’s fleeting moment of happiness fizzled away.

“What about Reid?” His heart was plummeting. Maybe they just couldn’t see him? JJ said the window was tiny-

“We can’t see him… But he could be in the far corner of the room where he’s hidden from the window…” Rossi’s voice was as calm as he could make it, sensing that Morgan was about to snap at any moment.

It didn’t help him though- There was something off about the older man’s expression, like he knew more than he was letting on.

“Rossi… Please, what happened on that phone call?” His voice was pleading, something that he’d hate if he were in the right state of mind.

He wasn’t in the right state of mind though because Reid was gone and Rossi look like he knew something-

JJ and Prentiss both gave the older man a questioning look and he sighed, a defeated look coming across his face,

“There were photos on the floor, laid out in front of Hotch and Blake…” 

Morgan’s jaw dropped and JJ gave an alarmed look, “No- We can’t even see what’s on the photos because they’re too far away… It’s not Spence, don’t even say that-” Her voice broke at the end and Prentiss put a reassuring arm around her.

“JJ’s right, we can’t see the photos, but… We have to consider the possibility that Reid’s already dead. It’s past midnight and in the note it said they’d send us a photo of the body…” Rossi’s voice was quiet, like he couldn’t even imagine what he was saying was true.

Morgan clenched his fist, “He’s not dead- He can’t be…”

“I know you don’t want to admit it and frankly, neither do I, but we can’t stand around here crying when we know for certain that 2 of our friends are still alive. Hell, maybe I’m wrong and Reid’s alright, but that still doesn’t change the fact that we can’t let emotions get the best of us right now.”

The others had been stunned into silence and even Prentiss looked more disheveled then usual. She recovered quickly, placing her professional mask on and nodded, giving JJ a small smile before dropping her arm that was wrapped around the other.

“Rossi’s right, we can worry about Reid later… For now we should go get the others.”

Just then, a gunshot rang out, followed by breaking glass. Morgan instinctively drew out his own gun, noting that the others did the same. He heard an officer scream “Shots fired!” and then everything went to hell.

Morgan tried yelling at them not to shoot but with the sound of firing gunshots, his words were drowned out.

It was obvious that the first shot was from the unsubs, since the window had broken out when they shot, but now Morgan couldn’t tell whose bullets were whose.

“Are these guys trying to have another friendly fire incident?!” Emily yelled, poking her head around the car to look at the chaos.

Rossi shook his head, “4 of their men have been killed- They’re pissed off and were just waiting for the chance to start shooting-”

“I get that they’re angry but they’re going to kill Hotch, Blake and Spence if they're not careful-” Morgan didn’t dare correct JJ on the fact that Reid was probably already dead, but she was right. If this didn’t stop soon the others would die-

More gunshots rang out and Morgan glanced at the house, realizing it was filled with bullet holes. Why would the unsubs start shooting when they knew how many police were outside just waiting for a reason to take them out?!

“I bet it was Elena-” Rossi had a disturbed expression on his face, “She’s a psychopath who must have felt cornered after I told her I knew who she was-”

Morgan nodded, the 4 of them were basically huddled behind a police car. Not daring to join in the gunfight that could put the others at risk.

“We have to get them to stop!” Emily was already running over to the cops, her gun still in her hands. Morgan followed closely behind but just as they made it over to another police car where 3 officers were standing behind, the gunshots stopped.

“I think we got em!” An older Detective shouted beside Emily.

“You idiot, there are 3 federal Agents in that building. What gave you the idea that starting a shoot out was a good idea?!” Emily’s voice was beyond angry, probably angrier than Morgan had ever heard. The cop gave her a pointed stare before responding,

“They shot at us first. Those assholes killed 4 of my men, you couldn't just expect me to stand down!”

Emily shoved past him, muttering “Stupid” under her breath and her and Morgan made there way quietly to the front of the house. Morgan could hear JJ and Rossi yelling at the other officers not to go near the house and he was grateful that they were going off on them for their absolute stupidity.

What if Spencer was upstairs? Morgan was going to kill every cop here if they ended up shooting him-

Prentiss gave him a glance and he nodded. They slowly opened the front door, their guns raised, and Morgan was met with a sight which he was surprised to see.

Thomas, the younger brother, was dead. From what Morgan could tell he had been shot twice, once in the shoulder and another in his heart. They probably happened at roughly the same time.

The older brother Lucas, was cradling him, rocking him back and forth and murmuring that he was sorry. It was strange, such a sadistic killer who showed no remorse when torturing and murdering his victims and yet, he still showed such strong signs of guilt with his brother's death… Morgan hadn’t seen anything like it before.

He was still holding a gun in his hand but miraculously he didn’t seem to be injured. He probably stopped shooting the moment he realized his brother was dead-

His eyes then went to the female unsub, the mystery within this entire case. She was leaning against a table’s leg, holding her shoulder which was clearly shot. Despite that, she didn’t seem very upset…

“Lucas Mitchell, drop the gun!” Emily was the first to speak from beside him and her voice was unwavering.

He finally stopped murmuring and looked up, though he didn’t drop his weapon.

“Lucas Mitchell and Elena Woods, you two are under arrest for the murders of 5 people, 4 of which were cops, and for the abduction of 3 Federal Agents.” Even after Morgan spoke, Lucas still didn’t show any signs of understanding what he was saying. He looked back down at his brother’s corpse before lifting his head to stare at Elena.

“Why did you shoot!?” Lucas screamed at her angrily, tears streaming down his face, “We had a fucking plan and you went out and ruined it… You killed him, you killed Tommy…” His anger trailed off at end, becoming more of a sob then a yell and Elena gave him an annoyed look.

“Your plan of getting us out of here was stupid, it never would’ve worked. Anyways, shooting at the cops sounded fun.” Morgan couldn’t comprehend how anyone could speak in such a monotonous voice, especially while talking about initiating a shootout with the police, yet here she was, looking thoroughly bored.

“You bitch- I can’t believe you-” Lucas was back to looking angry and Morgan realized a second too late that he was raising his gun at the female unsub.

Two shots rang out and both Elena’s and Lucas’s body slumped. Lucas had shot Elena just in time before Emily shot him…

“Dammit!” Morgan snapped, looking at the bloodbath in front of him. This was horrible- 

Emily gave him a sympathetic look, “I didn’t want it to end like this either, but he wasn’t going to listen to us…”

“I know... “ He closed his eyes briefly, taking a breath. They still had to find Hotch, Blake and… Reid, he couldn’t lose his cool now.

Rossi and JJ suddenly appeared in the doorway, their guns raised, but when they saw the sight of the 3 dead unsubs they slowly lowered them.

“What happened, we heard the gunshots- The cops nearly started shooting again.” Rossi asked, side stepping a pool of blood to look at the bodies closer.

“Lucas killed Elena and so I shot him before he could do anything else. Thomas was dead when we got in here.” Emily explained, shaking her head slightly. She gave their bodies one last look before turning around, “We need to get to the others…”

Morgan nodded and the 4 of them made their way to a closed door that surely led downstairs.

Morgan was the one who gently opened it and he was also the first one to climb down the stairs.

He saw Blake first, tied to a chair and… crying? Hotch was tied to a support beam beside her and he was staring blankly down at the photographs in front of him. Morgan still couldn’t see what was captured within them and he swallowed before slowly moving closer… He still couldn’t see Reid- Was he not down here? Were they keeping him somewhere else? Was he actually… 

“Hotch? Blake?... Reid?” They didn’t answer him and he looked down at the photographs again before freezing.

He could see them now.

“Oh my god-” JJ gasped from beside him.

Morgan felt himself sinking to his knees to pick up one of the photos. It was Reid… They killed him.

JJ crouched down beside him, picking up another photo and sobbing, “Spence! Oh Spence-”

He couldn’t see Emily and Rossi who were still standing behind him, but he knew they were probably just as shocked as he was.

“I-I… We weren’t fast enough…” Morgan whispered quietly, earning another broken sob from JJ beside him. Hotch finally turned his head to look at Morgan, the last time he had seen his unit chief look so upset had been when Haley died…

“...He knew that midnight was coming and so he made sure he’d be the one to die… I’m sorry Morgan, he’s gone-” Hotch’s voice broke at the end and Morgan felt tears welling up in his eyes.

Emily finally came up beside him, looking like she was barely holding it together and crouched in front of Hotch, “I’m going to get you out of these handcuffs and ropes, okay?” Hotch nodded not even surprised that Emily was here. Or maybe he was surprised but just didn’t have the strength to show it?

Rossi went up beside the still crying Blake and the two of them each freed the other Agents. When Hotch finally stood up he stumbled a bit but immediately went over to Blake, wrapping her in a hug

“Oh Aaron- He was so young… He didn’t deserve this-” She sobbed into his shoulder and Hotch just held her, not responding. Morgan realized that this had to have been an extremely traumatic experience for the both of them. Watching and being unable to do anything as Spencer was sentenced to his death.

“We should get you both to a hospital…” Emily spoke softly, and it was only at that moment that he realized that she hadn’t even met Blake yet-

Hotch finally let go of Blake before turning to look at her, a blank expression on his face, “Neither of us are hurt… They only hurt Spencer-”

Emily’s lip trembled slightly and her eyes looked glassy, “I know… I know but you’ve been stuck here all day and you're probably dehydrated…”

He shook his head, “We’ll go to the hospital after we… After we find his body-”

Rossi stepped forward, “Okay Aaron… We’ll find his body.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter warnings**  
> suicidal thoughts, drowning, presumed character death, gun violence, graphic depictions of corpses/injuries.
> 
> I hope this chapter was worth the wait dghsghajjhbw. I have a lot of feelings regarding this chapter an lemme just say that writing the drowning scene made me angry lmao-
> 
> unsub: *Almost drowns Reid then photographs his "corpse"*  
> also unsub: This is fine, this is great... I saved your life you're welcome. 
> 
> Alsooooo, the death of the 3 unsubs was something that I was very indecisive about but in the end decided to keep because their deaths are sort of the basis for a bit of Reid's character development that's going to happen in the next chapter :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The final chapter of this story (I am so sorry for the delay!)
> 
> Basically I had half the ending written out but I randomly decided that I didn't like it and so I ended up deleting a bunch of it and then rewriting it- That being said... This chapter is 14k words long- I have never in my life written something so long (Chapter wise) so it really took a lot out of me which is another reason for the wait.
> 
> Tbh I almost was going to add another chapter to this fic because of how long it was turning out to be, but I didn't want to make you guys wait anymore so ig this is just an insanely long ending.
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoy the ending to this fic. Thanks for all the support it really means a lot :)

Spencer sometimes wondered how he got himself in these situations.

Was it bad luck? Good luck perhaps? Or maybe it was a mix of both.

After Thomas had left him, his body still partially in the freezing river, bruised, probably concussed and very disoriented, he had promptly fallen unconscious.

He had no idea how much time had passed when he came to again, but the sky was still littered with stars and it was exceedingly dark, so much so that Reid could barely see in front of him.

He had forced his beaten body to roll out of the water, after the realization that if a wild animal didn’t eat him, that he was still going to freeze to death-

He stared up at the dark sky and with that thought in mind he laughed.

He laughed.

It was quiet and rough from the bruising around his throat, barely audible for anyone to hear, but Spencer couldn’t help but laugh at how completely screwed he was.

_ “Yes thank you Thomas for bringing me out here, almost drowning me and then leaving my unconscious body still partially in the river. You may have saved me from your brother but I’m probably going to die anyways.”  _ The entire situation was- Insane, even for Reid’s standards

What should he do?

He had no idea where he was and as each minute passed, the colder he felt. He knew that if he didn’t get out of here soon he would actually die-

He had two options; lay here and hope that the team found him in time or try to find his way out of the forest-

He tried sitting up, just to see if the second option was even possible, but he was barely halfway to a sitting position when his arms gave out and he fell back onto the muddy ground.

It seemed that he’d have to stick with option number one-

Would the team even find him in time? Did they even know where the cabin was? Reid couldn’t help but feel his chances of survival dim…

He wished he could be optimistic and say that he believed his family would save him in time, but he was in the middle of a forest and not even Garcia would be able to track him out here-

He closed his eyes. Maybe he should just… 

_ No _

He couldn’t give up here. He couldn’t just lie here waiting for hypothermia to set in… He wanted… He wanted to see them all again.

Thomas had given him a chance. Yeah the situation was still pretty shitty, but he was alive.

He forced himself to sit up, this time his arms didn’t give out as he used all of his strength.

The team wouldn’t stop looking for him. Even if they thought he was dead they’d still want to find his body…

He looked at the mud, noticing that there were tire tracks leading to a dirt road. They split off into multiple paths but Reid had been too focused on counting the minutes to take note of which way they were turning. He’d just have to pick a road and stick with it, hoping he’d eventually find someone who could help him.

He took a deep breath and then forced his body to stand. It took several attempts since he kept falling over, but after a few minutes he was on his two feet.

His vision swam and he felt himself stumbling a bit, but he remained upright.

Now for the fun part-

He hesitantly put one foot in front of the other, scrunching his nose when he noticed one of his shoes was missing. As he took a step his legs felt as though they were going to give out, but he forced himself to take a deep breath and stay upright.

He knew that if he fell over there was no way he’d be able to get up again.

_ “Okay- I can do this… Just one foot in front of the other, that’s easy-”  _ It really wasn’t- On a good day he was uncoordinated and clumsy at best, and right now he could barely stand upright without almost falling over.

Nonetheless, he kept putting one foot in front of the other, ignoring the pain that shot through his midsection with each step. He wrapped his arms around himself, hoping to alleviate some of the pain and focused on continuing to move.

He kept reminding himself that if he didn’t keep going he’d never be able to see the others again, never get to talk with Garcia about Dr. Who, never get to see his godson Henry grow up, never get to see JJ and hear her call him “Spence” again, never get to see Derek and have another prank war… There were so many reasons to keep going.

He had put himself in this situation to protect them, and now he was going to get out of this situation if only to see them again. If only to see for himself that he’d protected them all.

Vaguely, Spencer wondered if it were selfish of him. Wanting to die if it meant protecting them but at the same time wanting to live to see them again.

He didn’t have any regrets for doing what he did though… Thomas only spared him because he related to him… If Hotch or Blake had done what he did they’d surely be dead…

Of course it came with a price, seeing that Spencer could barely walk and was freezing, but he couldn’t help but be proud of what he did.

Was his best good enough this time?

It had to be- He protected them, he didn’t let himself break- He didn’t sentence someone else to their deaths.

Reid’s bare foot crunched in the leaves and he momentarily closed his eyes as the memory of walking out of the cemetery came back to him. He could barely walk then too… His foot and ankle were so bruised from Hankel beating him with a tree branch, each step he took felt like agony, similar to now-

Even so… He had kept walking. One foot in front of the other, just like he was doing now. The team supporting him as he was led to an ambulance…

He had just taken the dilaudid from Tobias and his mind was a hazy mess- He was guilty and traumatized…

But he still kept walking.

Reid took a shuddering breath, looking down at the muddy path.

_ It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop. Confucius _

***

_ “Reid!” Hotch called out, sprinting over to where his youngest agent was kneeling. His face contorted into a frown at the sight of Tobias’s unseeing eyes, his chest unmoving from the gunshot that was surely delivered from Reid- _

_ Reid looked up at the sound, staring at Hotch with watery eyes. He slowly stumbled to his feet and Hotch was taken aback as the young man threw himself into his arms. _

_ “I knew you’d understand.” He practically sobbed into Hotch’s shoulder. He gave him a gentle squeeze and after a few moments Reid pulled back. _

_ He gave the others a broken look and Hotch felt his chest constricting at how dead his eyes were… His youngest Agent had been gone for almost 48 hours and he only saw about 10 minutes of what he went through on that video feed- _

_ He thought all of his worry and anxiety would go away once they found Reid, but it seemed the opposite were true. His worry was practically crushing him now- _

_ Reid stepped back from him and gave JJ a loose hug, she was the most emotional out of them all and Hotch knew Spencer was probably just as relieved to see her okay as she was to see him again. _

_ “I’m so sorry-” JJ choked, looking like she was close to tears. _

_ Spencer held onto her tighter, that vacant look in his eyes not leaving him once, “It’s all right. It wasn’t your fault.” His words were genuine but Hotch couldn’t stop staring at the expression on his youngest Agent’s face. _

_ It looked like all the life had been sucked out him- _

_ He glanced at Gideon, the expression on his face telling Hotch that he wasn’t the only one seeing how broken Reid looked- _

_ Naturally, Reid looked much younger than he actually was. He was commonly mistaken for a highschool or college student and it was something that the team commonly teased him about… This time though, Reid truly looked like a child- His watery eyes, and the way he was practically curling in on himself made him look so much younger then he was.  _

_ A protectiveness so fierce spread through Hotch like fire, momentarily blocking out his earlier anxiety. Shy, innocent Reid was gone and in his place was a broken child- _

_ “Let’s get you out of here.” Gideon’s voice snapped him from his thoughts and he watched as the older man wrapped his arm around Reid’s shoulders. _

_ Hotch watched, his frown deepening as Reid shrugged him off, “C-Can… Can I have a second alone?” He asked in a quiet voice. _

_ Gideon frowned but nodded. If it would help Reid feel better then there couldn’t be any harm, right? _

_ They all turned their backs from Reid, giving him some privacy for whatever he wanted to do. Hotch slowly made his way back up the hill and towards the shed, oblivious to the fact that his youngest Agent was currently stealing drugs off a dead man. _

_ They got Reid back… But Hotch couldn’t help but wonder at what price. _

_ There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20 _

***

Hotch’s world felt like a blur.

He and Blake got checked out by the EMT’s at Dave’s insistence and after they were done examining each of them, they had gone over to where Morgan and Emily were looking at a map. They were set up outside by one of the Black SUVs and their expressions were both closed off. Yet again, Hotch couldn’t find any words to comfort them.

There was no way to comfort them after all- Spencer was dead.

“...Did you figure out where he might be?” Blake asked quietly. Emily turned around, her hunched shoulders answer enough, 

“We don’t think we’re going to get anywhere just using the map… There’s a lot of rivers near this cabin-”

Hotch closed his eyes, the image of Spencer’s dead body flashing in his mind again.

He wondered if they would even find his body- He wanted to… He didn’t think he could live with himself if they didn’t retrieve his body-

Scratch that, he couldn’t live with himself anyways…

“Hotch…” Emily spoke hesitantly, noticing his internal struggle.

He reopened his eyes and looked over to the now interpol agent, “We aren’t leaving until we check every single river.” He forced his voice to come out even, yet it still sounded broken and tired-

She frowned sadly, “I know… I don’t want to leave till we find him. I-... I have to see his body for myself to actually believe this is happening.” He understood exactly what she was saying. Even with the photos he could hardly believe this was real- 

Morgan finally took his gaze off the map, sighing, “I called Garcia and… Told her- She’s also looking at maps online, and is trying to figure out the most likely spot that Spencer would be…” It was odd to hear Morgan using Spencer’s first name, he generally stuck to Reid or pretty boy-

None of this felt right-

It all felt like Hotch was stuck in a nightmare, a horrible nightmare- Yet no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to wake up.

This was his reality now-

With Haley, it had taken him years to even become remotely okay. Even now, he still felt such an overwhelming sadness when he thought about her death…

How was he supposed to deal with Spencer’s death as well?

Spencer had been the one who drowned, yet Hotch felt like he couldn’t breath-

Could he drown in sorrow? Could his lungs fill up with an invisible monster, killing him?

He felt at that moment that maybe it could…

He turned his head to the side at the sight of JJ and Rossi joining them. JJ had completely broken down after finding the photos and so Rossi had stayed behind with her, doing his best to offer a comfort that he knew wouldn’t help.

His focus went away from his two Agents and back to the cabin, just as EMT’s began rolling out the body bags of what was surely the unsubs.

Would they put Reid in a body bag too? 

The 6 of them all stood in silence, none of them knowing what to say to ease the others pain…

In a sense, it was the most comforted Hotch had felt since this had happened. Knowing that the others were just as lost as he was, just as broken without Reid-

“...I get it now…” Prentiss spoke up after a few minutes of them standing in silence. They all turned to her with varying levels of confusion before she continued,

“When I had to fake my death because of Doyle… I knew it would hurt you all, but I didn’t really experience any grief because none of you were dead… I get what it feels like now…” Her voice broke off at the end and tears filled her eyes. Hotch had never seen her this emotional before. With the Hankel situation she had been the most calm out of all of them.

Maybe it was because she had only known Reid for a few months when that happened...

“When I had first met Reid, he reminded me so much of…” Blake began but cut herself off. They all looked at her expectantly and she swallowed before speaking again,

“He reminded me of someone I cared for dearly, he was ready to go, but I wasn’t ready to let him… I suppose the same could be said about Spencer.”

Dave’s eyes lit up with understanding but none of the others knew who the person she spoke of was. Despite that, no one pushed her for more details,

“He’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met.” Prentiss gave Blake a sad smile and Hotch could already tell that the 2 women would get along well… Even if their bond only came from grieving…

Morgan was the next one to speak and he gave a soft chuckle, “Reid sure was something… You should’ve seen him on his first case.” He glanced at Hotch and the older man scoffed, an amused expression flitting across his face.

“He’s never actually told me about his first case with the BAU. What was it like?” Prentiss also had a smile tugging at her lips. It seemed that maybe comforting words weren’t needed. Perhaps the remembrance of Reid was enough to soothe their grief, if only for the time being.

“Well, Gideon escorted him on the first day and I swear to you, I thought he was some highschool kid-” Morgan’s eyes held the first hint of happiness since what had happened. Even Hotch had a smile thinking back on it.

“He was barely 22 at the time and he came stumbling in the BAU looking like he got lost on his way to school.” JJ gave a slight laugh, she was also pretty new when Reid had joined.

Morgan gave Hotch an expectant look and so he joined in with the memory, “The case was pretty straightforward but nonetheless disturbing; an unsub was going around, kidnapping men and torturing them for 3 days, before strangling them to death and dumping their bodies in alleys…”

The others listened with interest and so he continued, “I was hesitant to even allow Reid in the field- The only reason he was on the team was because Jason vouched for him and you know how he gets when his minds set on something.” Several of them chuckled, thinking back to when Gideon was on the team and how… demanding he could be-

“So this  _ kid  _ comes with us to investigate…” Morgan picked up again, “And I swear to you, he came up with a profile in barely 5 minutes of getting back from the crime scene- The officers who were present were just as shocked as I was.”

They were all smiling at this point, basking in the memory of when Reid was innocent and young… When Reid was alive…

“That kid always amazed me at how fast he could put things together.” Rossi shook his head, a fond smile plastered to his face.

Morgan snorted and Hotch even started laughing. The others looked at them with confusion and Morgan spoke again, barely keeping himself from laughing,

“Yeah- He figured out the profile, but you know what boy genius didn’t realize?” Blake tilted her head slightly, urging him on and after a beat of silence he once again continued,

“The man with an IQ of 187 didn’t notice that he looked almost identical to the victims.” Morgan’s smile didn’t falter but the other’s seemed surprised.

“It wasn’t funny at the time I assure you.” Hotch explained, “But we hadn’t realized the similarities either, so I guess we can’t put all the blame on Reid-”

Morgan’s smile dimmed slightly, but he still held a reminiscent look, “The kid nearly got himself killed. We found his latest abducted victim, but when the unsub saw Reid he immediately went after him… Held a gun to his head and everything- Me and Hotch were distraught, but Gideon just kind of stood there calmly, not even bothering to draw his gun-”

Hotch sighed, clearly remembering how nervous he had been at the time. Having his newest member get killed on his first case was not something he wanted to happen-

“What happened after that?” Emily asked, quietly and Morgan smiled,

“He convinced the damn unsub to let him go and we arrested the son of a bitch…”

The others all gave fond smiles at hearing that,

“Even from the beginning, Reid was something else-” Rossi’s eyes twinkled with amusement.

“Spence always exhausted negotiation before even thinking of hurting or killing people…” JJ spoke softly, “He was good like that… He got a lot of people to just step down with his words…”

Blake nodded, “As awkward as he could be, he still had a way of getting through to people…”

“...I find I do some of my best work under intense terror.” He repeated the words that Reid had spoken to him so many years ago. The conversation was one that stuck with him and he found himself able to recall it quite easily…

“What?” Emily questioned, looking at Hotch’s expression,

“It was something that Reid said to me a few years back… I have to say that I agree with him.” The others fell silent after he said that, no longer filled with sadness but instead with comfort and warmth.

Spencer was gone, but they’d always have the memory of him…

He lifted his gaze and looked past the SUV and down the dirt driveway. They had been standing here reminiscing for a long time now-

They should probably go find his body…

He felt his smile dampen at the remembrance that Spencer’s corpse was still floating down a river.

“We… We should probably start looking…” He spoke quietly, turning his head to look at the others.

All of their expressions saddened and Hotch felt guilty for ruining the comforting mood. Despite that, he knew they couldn’t stand around forever, Spencer’s body still needed to be retrieved and the longer they stood around the more exposed to the elements his corpse would become-

Hotch didn’t want his body to be unrecognizable by the time they found him…

“Hotch’s right… We should split up and look…” Rossi agreed softly and the others nodded slowly.

_ Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.  _ Vicki Harrison.

***

Reid had been walking for 11 minutes and 23 seconds when it had started to snow.

When he saw the first speck of white he had craned his head to the sky and breathed out a puff of air, his breath fogging in front of him.

He was shivering now, still soaked to the bone as the temperature steadily decreased.

Despite that he kept walking.

He knew more than ever that it was imperative that he found help. He wouldn’t be able to last much longer with the snow and as each minute passed he felt his coherency fading.

_ “In Missouri, snowfall typically falls from December to February, though there have been cases when snow has fallen as early as October and as late as May… 18-24 inches of snow is the average that the state generally gets…”  _ Reid stumbled slightly, doing his best to keep his brain alert and most importantly awake.

Had he gone down the wrong road? Was he heading away from civilization instead of to it? His steps faltered as he wondered whether he should turn around…

No, he couldn’t do that- He had been walking for 12 minutes. If he turned back now he’d most certainly die. His best bet was to keep going and hope that he’d stumble into someone.

He began walking again, rubbing his hands up and down his shoulders in the hopes of creating some sort of warmth.

It didn’t work.

He gave up on counting the minutes as his mind began stumbling over the numbers and with each step he took the more tired he became.

His body was in excruciating pain from the physical exertion and he ended up stumbling to the nearest tree before vomiting beside it. He had barely eaten anything that day so there wasn’t much for him to actually bring up… He ended up leaning against a tree and dry heaving for a few minutes-

When his body finally decided to stop, Reid was left even more exhausted. He wiped his mouth, leaning his head against the tree trunk before painstakingly standing again.

His eyes hazingly looked down the road and it took him much longer than it should have to realize that he was staring at something glowing…

Things didn’t just glow in the middle of the forest… He was looking at a light and if there was a light on then that meant there was also people-

He clumsily moved forward as fast as his broken body allowed and after several minutes he found himself standing in front of another cabin. There was a van parked in front and several childrens toys were strewn around the grass. The porch light was on and Reid could see what looked to be a family through the window.

He sighed out in relief and made his way to the front door. Even lifting his arm to knock felt excruciating-

Despite that he knocked as hard as he could and listened as the chatter from inside dissipated. He waited shivering for someone to open the door and after several moments it swung open and a man who looked to be in his 40’s gave Reid a wary look before it shifted to one of extreme concern, no doubt caused from Reid’s beaten appearance.

“What the hell-” The older male spoke out in shock. Reid gave him a disoriented look, his vision going in and out of focus.

He felt his body giving out from under him and he was only able to utter 3 words before he passed out into the strangers arms, 

“Please- Help me.” 

_ If you are going through hell, keep going.  _ \- Winston Churchill

***

It was the next day.

It was the next day and they were still unable to locate Spencer’s body…

When they had split up, it hadn’t taken them very long to find the spot where he had been drowned… Reid’s shoe was sitting beside the river covered in mud and the mud itself looked recently disturbed. Despite that, they hadn’t located his corpse.

They had stayed up all night going up and down the river but there was absolutely no sign of him anywhere. At one point an officer suggested that maybe an animal dragged him away, but he quickly retracted his statement when JJ began sobbing hysterically.

Everyone was doing horribly and it was only when Rossi suggested that they head back to the precinct did they actually stop searching to drive back.

There was also the fact that Garcia was stuck at the precinct alone and Morgan was beginning to get worried for her mental wellbeing and the fact that she probably needed some comfort-

So they drove back in silence. Too depressed and overwhelmed by their own sadness to help comfort the other… 

Once they were back at the precinct they had made their way into the conference room, still not speaking a word. Garcia had immediately burst into tears when she saw them and after Morgan had attempted to soothe her for a good 10 minutes they had all fallen silent again.

Hours passed and all they did was just sit there, staring off into space and not daring to call the other out. At one point, Garcia had pulled out her laptop again but she didn’t seem to be doing much with it, every now and then you could hear her typing but for the most part it seemed like she was just staring at the screen.

Hotch closed his eyes and breathed out a soft sigh. He hadn’t even told the higher ups that Spencer was dead and he was dreading when he’d have to call to tell them…

They’d be disappointed to lose such a valuable asset and plaster a picture of his face to the wall (Maybe he’d go in the now empty spot where Emily’s photo was) but after all that was said in done they’d forget Reid even existed and start bugging Hotch to find a replacement.

A replacement…

No one could replace Reid- That was just-

He knew the team would never be the same after this. He vaguely realized that there was a good chance that the team would completely crumble, maybe they’d all just end up resigning or transferring to a new department, too filled with grief to continue doing the job that sentenced Reid to his death.

Hotch could now understand why Gideon left the way he did… 

_ There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle and a very happy start.  _ \- Shel Silverstein

***

_ “Hotch?” Morgan peeked his head through the older man's office and Hotch lifted his gaze from the paperwork he had been previously working on. _

_ “Do you need anything?” He questioned, despite knowing exactly what the other male was going to say. _

_ Morgan stepped fully into the office, shoving his hands in his jeans as he did, “Isn’t Gideon escorting the new guy in today?”  _

_ Hotch frowned lightly and nodded, glancing over at the clock before he responded, “They should be here soon, Gideon’s probably just showing him around the building or something. You know how he is.” Morgan scoffed and the room fell into silence. _

_ Hotch knew that the other had more to ask and so he raised an eyebrow questioningly and after a moment Morgan sighed, “Do you even know anything about the guy?” _

_ “I looked at his files after Gideon approached me about him but no, I don’t know much about him personality wise… From what Gideon told me he should be a good fit for the team.” Hotch left out the part about the “man” being a 22 year old genius, but he was sure the moment he came through the doors Morgan would realize- _

_ Hotch stood up from his desk and gestured for Morgan to follow him out. The two stood by the railing watching as other Agents bustled about and Hotch only averted his gaze after he noticed the newest asset to the team Agent Jareau approaching them. _

_ “New case?” He asked, glancing down at the folder in the young blondes hands. _

_ “Yeah and it’s not a good one… What are you guys doing standing out here?” She glanced between Hotch and Morgan before looking down at the bullpen and Morgan grinned at her, _

_ “We’re waiting for Gideon to escort in the new Agent.” She raised an eyebrow but after a moment she also leant against the railing, looking towards the entrance. _

_ The 3 of them waited in silence for several moments before finally Gideon came into view, the man whom Hotch knew to be Spencer Reid following closely behind. _

_ “That’s the new Agent?” Morgan had an incredulous tone and he gave Hotch a disbelieving look. _

_ Hotch had to admit that Reid looked even younger in person and with the outfit he was wearing (a patterned knitted sweater with beige pants) he looked more like a college student than an FBI Agent. _

_ “How old is he?!” JJ asked next, staring at the pair with raised brows. _

_ “He’s 22.” Was all Hotch responded with. _

_ “What? That’s a kid- Why the hell is he in the FBI?” Morgan’s voice was a hushed whisper and he turned away slightly as Gideon’s gaze fell onto the 3. Hotch gave him a stern look but internally he was agreeing. Letting a 22 year old into the BAU was unheard of, but he hadn’t been able to say no after Gideon put his foot down- _

_ “He has all of the qualifications to be an Agent so please be nice to him.” Yet again he was leaving information out. He knew a lot of Reid’s physical qualifications had to be waved but yet again when he had tried to reason with Jason the other had just ignored him. _

_ He looked over at the older Agent and the two locked eyes. Gideon gestured to the group of 3 and Reid looked up at them, a hesitant look flitting across his face. _

_ He really is a kid… Hotch thought to himself as he stood up from the railing and made his way down to greet the two of them. He could hear JJ and Morgan following behind but he kept his gaze locked onto the newest member of the team. _

_ “Aaron Hotchner.” He greeted, opting to wave instead of shake the others hand, since he had already gathered that physical contact probably wouldn’t be welcomed with how nervous he was looking- _

_ “Hi… I’m Dr. Spencer Reid.” He waved back awkwardly and Hotch gave a small, genuine smile. _

_ Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. - Carl Bard _

***

“Aaron?” A voice stirred him from his sleep (Wait, he had fallen asleep?) and he lifted his head to look around the now bright conference room. Rossi was staring at him with unconcealed concern holding two cups of coffee within his grasp. 

It seemed that they were the only two people in the conference room and Hotch assumed that the others were either back at the hotel or outside getting some fresh air.

“Emily took Blake and JJ back to the Hotel and Morgan and Garcia are sitting outside together.” Rossi spoke, seeming to pick up on Hotch’s observations.

“...I didn’t realize I fell asleep-” He said softly before Rossi passed him one of the cups. He accepted it with a small word of thanks and took a sip, grateful to have something to wake him up.

“Aaron, you really don’t look good… You should go back to the hotel and get some proper rest.” Rossi placed a gentle hand on Hotch’s shoulder and he looked into the older man’s eyes, his expression cracking.

“...I don’t know what to do anymore…” He said truthfully. He had known Rossi since the beginning of his career within the BAU and he felt comfortable enough speaking the truth to him.

“I know, but letting yourself be overcome with grief isn’t going to do you any good. Think about Jack, Reid wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself…” An overwhelming sadness washed over Hotch at the remembrance of his son. Dave was right, he had Jack to take care of…

Despite that, he couldn’t bring himself to move.

He opened his mouth to say something coherent but the only words that he was able to articulate were, “...Spencer’s dead.”

Rossi gave him a sorrowful look, “I know Aaron… I know.” He sagged into his seat and slid his gaze onto the wall beside the older profiler.

“The first time I met him I decided that it was my job to make sure that he was safe…” Hotch laughed bitterly, “It’s safe to say I failed miserably.”

Rossi’s hand on his shoulder tightened, “Aaron, this isn’t your fault. Reid decided all on his own that he was going to be the one targeted… You can’t blame yourself for something you had no control over.” Hotch didn’t respond and the two fell silent. He was still gripping his coffee cup and so he took another sip for something to preoccupy himself with.

Rossi retracted his hand after a minute and instead took a seat beside Hotch. The two still didn’t speak but instead sat silently, occasionally sipping their bitter coffee.

It was only after another few minutes did Hotch speak again. There was a loud commotion coming from outside the conference room and he tilted his head towards Rossi to give a questioning look,

“What’s happening out there?” Rossi shrugged his shoulders and the two of them both snapped their gazes to the conference door as an officer swung it open.

Hotch didn’t really feel like dealing with anything else at the moment and so he opened his mouth to tell the officer to go away. Unfortunately, said officer beat him to it,

“T-There’s a man in here who says he drove a guy to the hospital last night-” He sputtered, staring at Hotch with wide eyes. Hotch lowered his coffee and sighed, really not having the energy to do this right now.

“I’m sorry, but my team isn’t really equipped to deal with other cases right now.” He tried to make his voice sound polite but it ended up just sounding strained. He could see Rossi stare at him from the corner of his eye but he ignored the other.

“No- Sir, I don’t think you understand-” The officer shook his head frantically and Hotch raised a brow unamused, urging the officer to continue despite his exhaustion.

He hoped the officer would get the clue soon and leave them alone-

The officer stepped further into the conference room, the door finally shutting behind him and he gave the two profilers a nervous look,

“A guy’s in for questioning after he brought a man to the ER… He was with his family at a cabin, in the same forest where Elena Wood’s cabin was…” Hotch felt his face pale and his eyes shot up to stare at the officer in disbelief.

It couldn’t have been him- He’s dead there’s no way-

“Have you asked him what the injured man looked like.” Rossi’s voice was just as disbelieving and Hotch turned his head to stare at the older profiler with surprise. It was rare to hear Dave so… Emotional-

“Well yeah that’s why I’m here-” The officer began, bringing Hotch’s attention back to him. He was squeezing his cup of coffee so hard now that the cup was caving in on itself, coffee nearly pouring onto his hand.

“The description matches your Agent- I don’t have a photo of him so I was hoping you could go confirm with the guy, he’s sitting at my desk.” Hotch and Rossi had already stood up and they quickly ran out of the conference room without responding to the officer.

When he, Reid and Blake had been kidnapped the unsubs had thrown out their credentials, but thankfully Rossi and the others had retrieved them, so they could show Reid’s ID photo to the man.

Hotch’s steps faltered as his eyes scanned the precinct. It was bustling with officers since they were no doubt filling out reports about what transpired at the cabin and after a minute Hotch's eyes fell onto a man that was no doubt the witness.

He seemed to be in his mid 40’s with greying hair and a slight stubble. He was wearing a winter jacket and looked to fit the description of someone who had been camping in the woods.

Hotch glanced at Rossi, the other nodding before they both rather hurriedly maneuvered through the many desks to the man. Hotch was already grabbing Reid’s credentials from where they sat in his jacket pocket and the man seemed to notice them because his eyes looked up from where he was staring at the officer’s desk and to them.

“I’m Agent Hotchner with the FBI. I assume you know why we need to talk to you?” Hotch realized at that moment that he didn’t even know the officer's name and if he were in a better state of mind he probably would have chided himself for being so unprofessional and rude.

“FBI?! No- The officer didn’t say I’d have to speak with you-” His face paled and he gawked up at the two men. Hotch heard Rossi sigh and he raked a hand through his hair trying to hold some semblance of professionalism.

In all reality he wanted to throw Reid’s credentials in the man's face and ask him as quickly as possible whether Reid was the guy who he brought to the ER.

But alas, he really couldn’t do that- And it was probably best that he didn’t get his hopes up when there was a pretty big possibility that the John Doe in the ER wasn’t Reid.

God, he really hoped that didn’t happen. He didn’t think he could deal with any more grief and dashed hopes… 

But what were the chances that it could be someone else. Yeah camping accidents happen all the time but didn’t the officer say the John Doe was beaten?! Hotch couldn’t be completely sure, but he didn’t think people getting beaten up in the middle of the woods was very common.

He let out an amused breath. If Reid were here he’d have a statistic for how many people get physically assaulted while camping-

Also- His mind lit up with hope. They hadn’t found his body, no body meant they couldn’t know for sure whether he was really dead or not… Right?

Damnit- Hotch was already letting his hope grow. He reminded himself that it may not be Reid and took a deep breath

“We just have to get you to verify his identity.” Hotch finally responded. The man’s shoulders untensed and Hotch took that as his cue to pull out the credentials.

He tried to ignore the slight tremor in his hands as he did so, willing them to stay steady so the others didn’t notice. He was almost hesitant in flipping open to the ID photo, scared that yet again he’d be thrown back into the cold harsh reality that Spencer was dead and not coming back.

Taking a quick moment to collect himself he turned his head to look at Rossi who gave him a small nod of encouragement. He took a deep breath before finally opening to Reid’s photo, handing the credentials to the man.

The man himself didn’t seem to notice the two Agents' inner turmoil as he glanced at the photo and Hotch felt his heart leap to his throat as his expression changed to one of  _ recognition. _

He recognized Reid-

“T-This- The guy I brought to the ER is a Fed?!” He exclaimed, astounded. Hotch and Rossi shared a shocked look and that was all it took before Hotch was hurriedly pulling back the credentials and thanking the man while Rossi quickly pulled out his phone to dial the others.

Spencer was- Alive?!   
  


He felt adrenaline pump in his veins at the whiplash from being so depressed about the others death to being dumbfounded to figuring out he was actually alive-

How was this possible? 

They had searched all night for his corpse but the entire time he had just been in a hospital?!

And then there was the question about the photos. Was Spencer alive in the photos and Thomas didn’t notice or was he knowingly alive the entire time? There was the other scenario where he was in fact dead in the photos and maybe resuscitated after they were taken, but that was such a morbid thought that Hotch didn’t want to dwell on it much-

He heard as Rossi spoke over the phone no doubtedly to fill the others in on what had happened but Hotch was in such a daze that he was barely paying attention.

How could one case end up so damn messy.

He ran a hand through his short hair again and let out a shaky breath.

So many emotions were flitting through his mind that he felt like he might suffocate; grief and sadness because Spencer was dead and then excitement and happiness to find out he was alive and then after all that extreme confusion to how a man presumed dead could be miraculously alive in a hospital, unidentified.

He was going to have a lot to explain once he filled in the higher ups at Quantico… 

***

Once everyone got back to the precinct and Hotch and Rossi were able to explain what had happened, they had all piled into separate SUVs and drove (quick recklessly) to the hospital where Reid supposedly was.

Hotch still couldn’t shake the shock that had settled itself in his core and more than once he felt like he might vomit by how much he was feeling all at once.

He could tell that the others were just as dazed as he was and on the quick drive to the hospital no one dared to make a sound.

He had to keep reminding himself to breath so he wasn’t sure he’d be up for holding a conversation anyways-

They turned down a street and the hospital came into view. He heard Morgan suck in breath from beside him and he unconsciously clenched his hands in an attempt to rid himself of his overwhelming anxiety.

They pulled into the hospital parking lot and after parking the SUV’s that had practically sprinted inside and straight to the nurses station.

There was a lady sitting at desk wearing pink scrubs and when she noticed Hotch she gave him a slight smile, “Hello sir, can I help you with something?”

It took him several moments to register her words through his haze and when he did he hurriedly pulled out his credentials and showed them to the nurse. Her face morphed to understanding and she looked to the others before responding,

“I’m assuming you're here for the John Doe?” 

Hotch nodded feverishly, “Yes- his name's Spencer Reid- Could you tell us where his room number is?” He was speaking too fast and he knew it, but he couldn’t get his nerves under control.

Spencer was dead and then he was alive. It was too much to take in and he suddenly found himself understanding the others emotions when it was revealed that Emily was still alive after Doyle-

God- He’d never fake someone's death again.

“His room numbers 426 but the hospital only allows 2 visitors at a time.” The nurse explained and Hotch felt his heart sink.

He glanced back and noticed the distraught and saddened faces of his teammates and turned back to the nurse with a pleading look in his eyes,

“He’s been presumed dead for over 12 hours, please can you make an exception for us?”

The nurse hesitated before her gaze slid to the others and she sighed, “You can all go, but please be mindful of other patients.”   
  


Hotch smiled and frantically thanked her before him and the team made their way through the maze like hallways of the hospital, trying to locate the room where Spencer was.

It took them several minutes but after some wrong turns they were able to find a patient room labelled 426. The door was closed and Hotch hesitated. 

Was Spencer really in there or was it a false alarm.

He shook his head, the odds of Spencer not being the John Doe were extremely unlikely. Nonetheless, it was hard to grasp onto the concept that the younger man was alive when Hotch as well as the others had spent all night grieving over him.

He glanced back at the others and Blake nodded encouragingly.

He took a deep breath and after one more moment of hesitation, he turned the door handle and pushed it open.

The room was fairly small with only a small window for natural lighting. The smell of medical supplies and antiseptic reached his nose and he glanced over to the bed where a lanky figure was laying on their back.

He took a hesitant step into the room and felt his heart jump into his throat at the face that met him.

“Spencer…” His voice was barely above a whisper as he took in the younger man's appearance. He looked better than he did in the photos; his lips were no longer blue and he didn’t seem to be quick as pale.

Despite that, he looked so small on the hospital bed, the bruises he had gained contrasted against his skin and the handprints around his neck looking like some sort of twisted galaxy with all the different shades of blue and purple.

“Oh my-” Penelope’s voice trailed off as she walked past Hotch and over to Spencer. She had tears flowing down her cheeks and she immediately reached to grab onto Reid’s hand. He didn’t acknowledge the contact and Hotch instinctually looked to his moving chest to confirm that he was only unconscious and not in fact dead.

“How the hell did the kid survive.” Morgan was the next to speak and despite his words his face showed an abundance of emotion, like he was on the verge of a breakdown at any minute.

Hotch understood how he felt-

“He- He looked so lifeless in the photos… I don’t… I don’t understand how he survived.” JJ cried, clinging onto Emily like she was her life support and staring at Reid’s form.

They all stood and stared at the man whom they believed to be dead not even half an hour ago. After several minutes a knock brought them all out of their daze and an older man in scrubs came into the room. 

“Hello, I’m Dr. Feyrer. The nurse at the front desk filled me in and I’m here to go over his injuries.” He stepped into the room and picked up the clipboard that was hanging off the foot of Reid’s hospital bed, looking at the pages before turning back to them again,

“The file still has him listed as a John Doe but I’ll be sure to have it changed as soon as possible, Mr. Reid it was, yes?” He was making eye contact with Hotch and the older man swallowed,

“Uh, It’s Dr. Spencer Reid.” He knew the title of “Doctor” didn’t really matter at a time like this, but he felt like he needed to say it because hearing “Mr. Reid” just sounded wrong- 

He saw Rossi give him a slightly amused look but he didn’t pay him any mind. Instead, he watched as the doctor glanced over at Reid’s pale face before going back over to Hotch,

“Dr. Spencer Reid it is. I’m going to need you to fill out a few forms but that can wait until later.” He nodded before he suddenly remembered something vital. He gave the doctor an alarmed look before blurting out,

“Did you give him narcotics? He doesn’t take narcotics-” Oh god. What if they gave him something and he ended up getting hooked again? He had just been through an extremely traumatic experience and Hotch didn’t want him going back to his old habits to cope again.

The Doctor’s face shifted to one of understanding and he gave Hotch a small smile, “Dr. Reid regained consciousness for a short amount of time when I was examining him. He never told me his name but he was quite persistent on the no narcotics part.” 

Relief flooded through him and he didn’t even have time to process how sad it was that Reid remembered the no narcotics part but forgot to say his own name-

“Anyways.” The Doctor’s voice brought Hotch out his thoughts and he returned his attention to the man, “Dr. Reid's condition when he was taken into the hospital was… Not good to say the least.”

Hotch grimaced and glanced back over to Reid’s form; he  _ had  _ been presumed dead, Hotch wasn’t surprised to hear that his injuries were bad. Still, he couldn’t help but feel bad for his Agent, he knew how much Reid hated hospitals and from the looks of things he wouldn’t be leaving for a bit.

“He had symptoms of early hypothermia as well as hypoxia which seemed to be caused by him nearly drowning. We have him hooked up to oxygen and so far he seems to be doing well so I don’t expect any complications to arise with that.” He heard Garcia stifle a sob and the Doctor paused before continuing,

All Hotch could think about was the fact that  _ near  _ drowning meant that Reid had not actually been dead when the photos had been taken- That just seemed to raise more questions though; Was Thomas also aware of that fact or not?

“As well as the hypoxia, he has severe bruising around his throat and 2 broken ribs which have only seemed to further prevent him from breathing properly. Like I said before, with the oxygen mask he seems to be doing fine, so with a lot of rest he should heal and be okay.”

Hotch gave an appreciative smile to the Doctor and the other nodded, “His other injuries are less mild; just a few other bruises as well as a pretty mild concussion. He’s expected to make a full recovery, which if I may add, is a miracle considering what he went through.”

“When… When is he going to wake up?” JJ’s voice was quiet and rough and Hotch could hear the evidence of how much she cried.

Dr. Feyrer looked over at her before looking back at Spencer, “He’ll probably wake up in a few hours, but even then he’ll need to get a lot of rest. I’ll do another examination on him later but for now he seems to be doing okay.”

“Thank you.” Rossi’s voice was the calmest out of all of them and Dr Feyrer gave him a small smile,

“Of course. Please don’t hesitate to ask one of the nurses for help if you need it.” He placed Reid’s file back onto its spot on the foot of the bed and nodded to the others in the room before exiting.

Now that they were left alone with Spencer again the reality only seemed to sink in further.

Spencer was alive and he was going to be okay.

Hotch didn’t even try to hide the wetness of his eyes.

_ In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on. - _ Robert Frost

***

Reid’s mind slowly regained consciousness. His thoughts were slow and distorted and it was hard for the Doctor to even comprehend what he was thinking. 

Where was he?

He felt like his senses were dulled and he scrunched his nose trying to remember what had happened to make him feel this way.

_ “I think he’s waking up-“  _ A faraway voice spoke and Reid felt his mind halt to a stop at the familiarity of it.

His urgency to remember what had happened grew tenfold and he strained his memory, trying to rid the haze that was settled within him.

Images of the river and  _ Thomas  _ flashed within his mind and suddenly everything came crashing back to him.

He stumbled to another cabin then passed out- And if the voice he heard was really there then that meant he was-

He forced his heavy eyes open but was forced to close them again when the light assaulted his senses. He groaned quietly, tilting his head to the side and trying to regain the coherency to reopen his eyes.

_ “Hey Spence, it’s okay, take your time. We’re all here.”  _ Another soft voice spoke and Reid became aware of a gentle hand that was resting on his own.

His body felt inclined to go back into the depths of unconsciousness but now that he could remember what had happened he knew he’d have to fight it.

He forced his eyes open again, blinking several times to get his eyes to focus. He heard soft whispers within the room but all he could see were blobs of colours. He furrowed his eyebrows, waiting impatiently for his body to finally start cooperating.

_ “Hey Pretty boy, can you hear me.”  _ Spencer turned his head to the source of who he knew to be Morgan’s voice. After several seconds the blobs of colour took shape until he was staring directly into the older Agent’s warm eyes.

He opened his mouth to speak but instead of words a horrible scratchy cough made his way up his throat. He hunched over, his eyes burning from the exertion and attempted to catch his breath.

“Spencer, take deep breaths… Dave could you grab him a cup of water.” Spencer attempted to slow his breathing at Blake’s gentle voice and he heard several footsteps indicating that Rossi was fulfilling the request for water.

He became aware of how  _ wrong  _ his throat felt- He knew that was to be expected since he was strangled to an inch of his life, but it was still a horrible sensation to deal with nonetheless.

Blake’s hand rubbed up and down his back encouragingly as Reid continued to get his breathing under control. He closed his eyes momentarily and despite himself, felt a small smile tugging at his lips.

Blake was here and so was Hotch. Spencer had protected them… He had actually done it.

“Here kid, this should help with your throat.” Rossi’s voice pulled him from his thoughts and he tilted his head upwards to look at the man as a cup of water was placed into his hands. Rossi’s eyes held a surprising amount of emotion within them and Reid turned his head back down to stare at the water, embarrassed by the affection.

He brought the cup up with shaky fingers before taking a hesitant sip. It felt amazing going down his throat, though he did have to admit that swallowing was difficult to say the least-

After he was done the water and his body was no longer choking on air, he placed the cup down and looked at the occupants in the room. His mind skidded to a halt when his gaze fell onto a familiar face that was supposed to be in Britain.

“Emily?!” He blurted out, surprise evident on his face. She gave him a soft smile and Reid wondered if he was hallucinating.

“When you, Hotch and Blake got taken, Penelope called me and I flew over to help with the investigation.” She explained. That soft smile never once leaving her face.

“You gave us all quite a scare…” Penelope’s voice brought his attention over to her and he felt a frown tug at his lips,

“Why are you crying?” He asked quietly, wondering how he didn’t notice earlier that she had just been silently sobbing in the corner the entire time-

He felt a confused expression pull at his face as his words seemed to only anger the usually bubbly tech analyst. He shrunk back in his hospital bed as she stomped over to him, tears still streaming down her face,

“I’m crying because you're an idiot! We all thought you were dead and I had to spend all night looking at maps, trying to figure out which river your corpse was floating down!” She grabbed onto his shoulders and shook him lightly as she cried into his face. Reid could do nothing more then stare at her in shock and once she was finally done yelling he found himself at a loss for words.

He knew that sentencing himself to death would cause the others anguish, he just didn’t consider how hurt they’d actually be-

He’s always been alone in his life. His mother was too sick to properly care for him and his father… Well his father just didn’t care anyways. In school he was always so much younger than his peers, younger to the point that it was nearly impossible to form bonds with anyone.

And now- Now he had people who cared  _ so  _ much and he hadn’t fully considered that fact because he was so used to being alone.

“...I’m sorry.” He finally said, staring at Penelope desperately, and in a rare moment of vulnerability he reached his arms out. She seemed to understand what he was trying to communicate because a moment later she was pulling him into a tight hug, sobbing into his shoulder.

The position wasn’t the most comfortable since he was at an odd angle and had an IV sticking out of his arm but he continued hugging Penelope, waiting until she broke the contact.

He stared at the others in the room sadly and for several minutes none of them spoke.

Emily had her arm around JJ, who was crying despite having a smile on her face. Rossi was standing closest to the door and though he seemed to be the most composed at first glance, Reid could see the slight tremble in his hands and how his eyes held a rare fondness to them. Morgan stood beside Hotch at the foot of the bed and the two men both looked so openly concerned, more so then Reid had ever seen them, and lastly there was Blake who was seated in a hospital chair to his right.

When he made eye contact with her she gave a small smile before gently placing her hand on his knee. He returned the smile, before closing his eyes and letting out a shaky breath.

Spencer didn’t know how much time had passed but finally Penelope pulled away from him. 

“Better?” He asked. She gave him a shaky smile and slowly nodded,

“Better.”

She stood up from him and Morgan immediately wrapped a reassuring arm around her. Spencer gave another small smile before he let out a breath,

“...I guess I owe you all an explanation to how I’m still alive-”

***

Once Reid was finished speaking the room fell into silence.

Everyone had varying levels of shock on their faces and Reid sighed softly. Explaining what happened only proved to remind him how insane the situation had been and how he’d be dead if it weren’t for the fact that Thomas identified with him…

He was reminded of the case with Owen Savage and how he had put himself in the line of fire for the exact same reason. He had identified with the teen and had put both his job and life on the line in order to make sure he wasn’t gunned down by the police.

In a sense it was similar to what Thomas did for him…

He betrayed his own brother in order to guarantee Reid’s safety and if his plan hadn’t worked and the other had found out what he did… Spencer was sure that wouldn’t have ended well…

“I can’t believe he saved you…” Prentiss was the first to speak, a disbelieving tone in her voice.

“I didn’t think he was trying to save me at first- He pulled me out of the trunk and threw me straight into the river. It was only when I was barely conscious that he pulled me out…” He shuddered, remembering the feeling of the ice cold water…

Gasping for breath but only succeeding in swallowing more water… Thrashing around to try and get his head above water but being unsuccessful… His body being pushed deeper into the river and his limbs slowing down from lack of air and exhaustion…

“...He had to make sure you looked dead or else the others wouldn’t have believed him…” Hotch’s voice broke him out of his trance and he looked over at the older man. He had a faraway look in his eyes and Reid couldn’t help but feel guilty, knowing he was responsible for causing the other so much distress.

“I’m so sorry… I- I didn’t want you or Blake to get hurt…” He felt terrible… He knew how horrible he had felt when Emily had faked her death and he wondered whether the others were going to be mad at him like he had been with them…

“Hey Spencer, look at me.” His eyes slid over to Blake, who squeezed his knee reassuringly, “We’re not mad at you… This wasn’t your fault.”

His lower lip trembled and he nodded slowly, trying to believe what she said was true,

“I… I just- Hotch has Jack and you have James… I didn’t… I’m sorry-” His voice broke off just as a tear fell from his eye and he quickly went up to wipe it away.

“Spencer…” The use of his first name had him looking up at Hotch in surprise, “None of us are mad at you, we’re just worried… I know that you think that because I have Jack and Alex has James that our lives are more important than yours, but that’s far from the truth.”

Morgan nodded from beside him, “We all care about you kid, so you can’t go off and keep putting yourself in danger like this…” 

Reid nodded again as more tears fell from his eyes. He didn’t even bother trying to wipe them away anymore and from beside him Blake leaned closer and wrapped him in his second hug of the day.

“The BAU’s like a family passerotto so don’t go worrying us like that again.” Rossi spoke from his spot in the corner and Reid looked over at him, still embraced in a hug from Alex and smiling despite the tears blurring his vision.

After several minutes of Blake rubbing a soothing hand up and down his back his breaths finally evened out and he stopped crying. He pulled away from her gently and sniffled.

“Better?” She parroted the words that he had said to Penelope and he smiled.

“Better.” He affirmed.

The room fell into a comfortable silence and Reid leaned back in the hospital bed, closing his eyes at the realization that he was exhausted-

Getting beaten, nearly drowning and then nearly freezing to death really did a number on a person-

He felt sleep tugging at his body and was just about to let himself fade into darkness when he remembered something. He suddenly felt wide awake again and wondered how he could forget something so important-

God, he really was out of it-

He jolted back into a sitting position and the other gave him a concerned look at the sudden movement. 

“What about the unsubs? Are they in custody now?” Reid turned his gaze to Hotch, a questioning expression on his face. Beside the older man, JJ shifted on her feet and the others in the room seemed to tense at his inquiry. 

He furrowed his brows, a frown tugging at his lips as Hotch seemed to hesitate with his words, “What’s wrong?” He felt a small bubble of panic rise within him and the longer the others stayed silent the bigger the panic grew.

“Spence…” JJ began softly but quickly trailed off. He stared at her pleadingly and she gave him a sympathetic look.

“The unsubs are all dead Reid.” Hotch finally spoke and Reid felt his heart fall to his stomach. The unsubs were dead? Lucas, Elena… and Thomas?

He didn’t care much for the other two, but Thomas- He had saved his life… 

An image of Tobias’s dead body flashed within his mind and Reid lowered his head, staring down at the scratchy hospital sheets.

_ “Do you think I’ll get to see my mom again?” _

“...Spencer, the unsubs initiated a shootout with the police. We tried stopping them but the only thing that was on their minds was getting revenge for all the dead cops…” Emily spoke gently and he looked up at her, a sad expression written on his face.

He slowly nodded and sighed, “They did what they had to do… I just wish Thomas didn’t have to go down with the others…” 

Another image, this one of Maeve’s dead body flashed in his mind. He broke his gaze from Emily, returning to staring at his lap.

_ “There wasn’t anything you could’ve done to save him. It’s not your fault.” _ He tried reassuring himself but in the end it didn’t do much.

When Reid had been sentenced to death Thomas had saved him… He was hoping that maybe he’d get to return the favour-

He sagged back into the hospital bed and sighed. Exhaustion was seeping into him once more and with the new knowledge that the person who saved him was dead, Reid didn’t have much energy to talk anymore.

“You should get some rest.” Rossi seemed to pick up on how he was feeling and he gave the man a small smile.

“...Sorry- I’m okay, I think I just used up all my energy crying.” The others in the room laughed lightly at his words and Hotch gave him a rare smile,

“Get some rest Reid. We won’t leave you alone.”

***

When Reid woke up again, the small window to his left showed that it was night.

He glanced around the room and smiled slightly when he realized both Hotch and Blake were seated on hospital chairs beside his bed, both dozing off slightly.

He jostled, trying to get into a better sitting position and the movement made Hotch stir. He cringed slightly at the guilt of waking up the older man, when it was obvious to see he hadn’t gotten much rest lately.

Still, there wasn’t anything he could do when Hotch blinked open his weary eyes and focused in on the now awake Reid.

“Spencer?” He questioned, sitting up straighter in his chair. From beside him Blake also lifted her head from against her chest and looked between the two before her eyes widened in on Reid,

“You're awake- How are you feeling, do you need me to get you some water?!” She was already starting to sit up but Reid frantically shook his head,

“No, no I’m okay… Thank you though.” He gave her a small smile and she relaxed, sitting back into the seat.

“The others went back to the hotel to get some rest but they’ll be back in the morning.” Reid turned to Hotch and nodded slowly. It was probably for the best that the others rested. Reid already felt guilty enough from how much grief he had put them through and he knew that Garcia definitely needed to recharge after all the crying she did-

He frowned. After Emily he had felt so betrayed and hurt… He was a hypocrite for putting them all through the same thing again…

He thought he had been doing the right thing, but now all he felt was a deep guilt swirling around his stomach. Did they all hate him for what he did? Probably, but he had to remind himself that if he hadn’t done what he did then Blake or Hotch would be dead.

He’d feel much guiltier if that were the case-

“I can hear your thoughts from here. What’s going on in that big brain of yours.” Blake’s voice brought him out of his thoughts and he looked up.

“Am I going to lose my job?” He finally asked the question that had been lurking in the back of his mind. Hotch’s head jerked up to stare at him before he responded in an incredulous tone,

“...What?”

“After the Owen Savage case, you told me that if I jeopardized my life or others lives again that I'd be fired… I willingly put myself in danger so I’m asking whether you’re going to fire me or not.”

Hotch’s expression slowly morphed to one of understanding and he sighed. Reid felt his heart sink in his chest at his boss’ expression and prepared himself for the inevitable words that would pass through the older man’s lips,

“I’m not going to fire you.” This time it was Reid’s turn to stare at the other with a surprised look on his face,

“What?” He said dumbly, wondering if he misheard what the other had said.

“I’m not going to fire you Reid.” Hotch said more softly this time and Spencer felt his eyes widen.

He wasn’t going to be fired?

“I admit that once we’re back at Quantico, we’re going to have a really long talk about how reckless you were during this case, but there’s no need to fire you… You did what you thought was right and even though I’m beyond angry at how the situation went down, I would’ve done the same thing in the end.” Reid grimaced at the mention of a “talk” but he gave the older man a thankful smile nonetheless.

“Are you sure talking to him is enough?” Reid’s attention was brought back to Blake and he felt his jaw dropping at her words, “Don’t you think he deserves some sort of punishment?”

It wasn’t that Reid disagreed with her- He knew very well that he deserved to be fired despite what Hotch said, but he couldn’t believe that Blake, who was usually so understanding was on the same page as he was.

Hotch raised an eyebrow at the older woman, “I’m assuming you have something in mind?” She smiled teasingly and Reid looked between the two of them, suddenly feeling like he had missed something very important.

“I was just thinking that since you get in trouble so much that someone needs to keep an eye on you.” She smiled at him innocently and realization struck Reid,

“No, no, no- I don’t need someone to watch over me like a child-”

“Too bad.” Blake cut him off and he sighed. When she said punishment he thought of something more… conventional, but he supposed that Blake knew him too well to know that conventional means wouldn’t work.

“I’m not a baby.” He pouted at the older woman but her smile didn’t falter,

“I know you're not a baby but you need people to take care of you while you heal. It will also hopefully help to drill it into your head to not do something so stupidly selfless again.” Hotch nodded from beside her, his eyes closed and a smile tugging at his lips.

Reid couldn’t believe this- If even Hotch was agreeing with what she was saying then there was no doubt that the others would too.

He sagged back into his hospital bed defeated and Blake laughed. Despite himself, he couldn’t stop a smile of his own tugging at his lips.

_ Oh, my friend, it’s not what they take away from you that counts. It’s what you do with what you have left.  _ \- Hubert Humphrey

***

It was a week before Reid was cleared to fly again.

Hotch knew that he hated hospitals, but with the extent of his injuries he had to stay for a few days and even after that he still wasn’t healthy enough to fly back home.

They had all continued staying in their respective hotel rooms and the police had even took on the charges themselves (Hotch had a sneaking suspicion that they were trying to make amends after the shootout with the unsubs-)

Out of the hospital Reid seemed to be less turbulent and Hotch was glad to see him healing more and more every day.

After Tobias there had been no healing. Reid had been taken to the hospital and after hours of him attempting to refuse medical treatment he was finally examined. That was when Hotch had learned that he had been drugged…

Despite that, he didn’t say anything, only telling Gideon since the older man was practically a father to Reid at the time. They left the hospital, flew back to Quantico and Reid as well as the other pretended nothing had happened.

He was glad that this time that wasn’t the case.

Alex (As well as the others, who agreed on Blake’s idea of “Punishment”) Had all taken turns in staying with Spencer despite his protests. Hotch knew that the younger man hated being coddled but it was nice to see him actually letting others take care of him. He still complained but it was half hearted at best- 

Things were… Good. They had been busy and hectic and a lot of emotions swarmed around them, but they were still okay.

It had taken Hotch a bit to sort through his feelings and he could tell that the others needed some time too. Believing someone was dead and then finding them alive in a hospital in the span of 12 hours was a lot to take in, but they made sure that Reid knew that they didn’t blame him.

In the end the younger man hadn’t asked to be kidnapped so it was pointless blaming him. Hotch knew that with Emily’s situation it had been different… He had made the decision to withhold information from the others so distrust was bound to happen. This time though, the situation was entirely out of all of their hands.

In all actuality, the aftermath of what happened seemed to make them all closer to one another… As cheesy as it sounded.

Hotch was not one for sentiments or being openly emotional but he enjoyed quietly watching as the others seemed to form a greater bond of trust. Morgan and Penelope could be found teasing and coddling Reid most of the time within his hotel room and at one point Hotch had even went to check up on Reid and found the two attempting to wrap the man in question in bubble wrap (He had no idea where they had even gotten the stuff but he supposed it didn’t matter in the end-)

Emily and Blake had also seemed to hit it off. Them two, along with JJ could be found having pleasant conversations and they were usually the ones who went out together in the mornings to go to the local coffee shop and buy the others coffee. 

Hotch had spoken quite a bit with Blake after what had happened to them in the basement of Elena’s cabin and after Reid had fallen asleep again in the hospital they had made a sort of agreement between themselves to make sure the younger Agent was hopefully kept out of harm's way.

Hotch still didn’t know who the “Ethan” was who she had cried for in the basement but he was alright with that. They had been through hell but that didn’t mean that they were obligated to spill their guts to each other… 

He had already made himself so vulnerable in the basement when he told Blake about Hankel and when they saw the photos of what they thought was Spencer’s corpse that he didn't think he could expose himself anymore… 

And so they talked, but it was never about what had happened. Despite that, Hotch didn’t feel like they were avoiding the confrontation of their trauma. It was more that they needed to figure out things by themselves while also having the quiet reasussarance of the other.

Rossi was another person who had helped greatly when it came to this. He distracted Hotch when it was obvious the younger man was stressed and he spoke quietly to Blake when she seemed gloomier than usual.

The older man had become some sort of clue for the group; he was less involved and emotional but they could all see the small gestures he made to make sure that they were all doing okay.

And then there was Reid; the one who needed the most healing out of all of them.

Hotch felt a dark pit form in his stomach at the thought of what he endured and  _ why  _ he endured it in the first place. During the week staying in the hotel, Hotch found himself kept up at night thinking about what had happened and how god damn lucky the younger man was to still be alive.

Beaten, concussed, strangled then nearly drowned. Then to top it all off he had been left in the middle of the woods where the temperature had dropped to the point where he gained early symptoms of hypothermia.

Hotch sometimes caught Reid staring off into space when he thought no one was watching and he always felt his heart clench at how similar the expression was to when he had first gotten rescued from Hankel and when he had come back to work after the death of Maeve.

Of course he didn’t expect the young Doctor to bounce back immediately and it was nice to see that as each day passed, the vacant look in his eyes seemed to fade away more and more.

Despite that, Hotch knew there was still something that was eating away at Reid. The other never mentioned what was on his mind but it was easy to tell by how closed off he acted sometimes.

The guilt.

Hotch knew Reid felt guilty for making them assume he was dead (Despite him having no control over the situation whatsoever) but above all else Hotch knew that Reid was guilty about Thomas… 

When they had been stuck in the basement he had been the kindest to them, especially Reid in particular, so Hotch could understand his feelings. 

It was yet another parallel to Tobias; Reid got saved by him and then he died, and this time he got saved by Thomas and he died too.

_ “I don’t want anyone else to die.” _

Spencer held himself to a high standard when it came to protecting others, he practically based his worth on who he saved and who he was unable to protect. After they had told him about Thomas’s death in the hospital, Hotch had seen that overwhelming anguish in his eyes before he had quickly slipped a mask back in place with some half assed joke about being tired.

It pained Hotch to see Spencer’s guilt but even after all these years he wasn’t sure how to properly help the younger man. He had tried after the Owen Savage case and he knew that other members of the team had talked to him before about it, but Hotch knew that it was probably extremely hard to let go of his feelings of guilt.

It always seemed like Spencer thought he needed permission to exist and that he got that permission from saving others…

Hotch shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts that continuously clouded his mind.

They were finally back on the jet and heading back home today. Hotch knew that the others, especially Reid, were excited to go back home and though he wouldn’t admit it, he was too.

It had been over a week since he had seen Jack and he missed him a lot. He really didn’t know what he would’ve done if he didn’t have Jessica and so when he got back he was also planning on buying her something nice to thank her for watching Jack for so long.

She had been really understanding when Hotch had explained the situation and had told him to stay for as long as he needed and that she hoped that Reid felt better soon.

Speaking of Reid-

Hotch glanced over at the younger man who was sitting alone, staring out the jet’s window. He seemed to be deep in thought but it didn’t take much to figure out what he was thinking about.

His bruises were a light yellow and green now and they were slowly beginning to fade away from his features. He seemed to be looking a lot healthier but Hotch knew that Reid’s thoughts were still filled with much turmoil

He hesitated for a moment before he stood up from his chair, placing down the paperwork he had made zero progress on as he did and made his way over to the younger man.

It spoke volumes to how internally distressed Reid was because he didn’t even seem to notice that Hotch was there until the older man had sat directly in front of him. He looked up startled but when he realized it was Hotch he relaxed slightly.

“Hey.” Hotch spoke quietly, not wanting to gain attention from the others on the jet. This was a conversation that he was sure Reid wouldn’t want the others to hear-

“Hi.” He responded back quietly. Hotch stared at the sad look in his eyes before letting out a breath,

“You’ve got to stop beating yourself up over this.”

Reid’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “W-What?”

“You’re letting guilt consume you Reid… I see you staring off into space at least 7 times a day. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Reid looked down at his hands as he picked at a hangnail, clearly nervous about the topic of conversation.

Hotch hesitated for a moment. Should he even be pursuing this conversation? He shook his head. He promised himself that he wouldn’t make the same mistakes as last time and let Reid deal with things on his own…

“I’m just tired is all…” Reid broke the silence and Hotch frowned,

“I know you are… but beating yourself up over something you had no control over is pointless.”

Hotch’s frown deepened as his words only seemed to anger Reid. The younger man jerked his head up to stare at him again and this time his face was pulled into an irritated scowl.

“I’d be dead if it weren’t for Thomas… It- It’s not fair that he died when he saved me… I should of repayed the favour… I should’ve- I…” He trailed off and looked back down at his lap and Hotch sighed.

“Reid, look at me.” He didn’t listen and instead kept staring at his lap. 

“Spencer.” The use of his first name made him lift his head again and Hotch stared at him seriously. He needed to make sure he got his point across, he couldn’t stand watching Reid do this to himself yet again.

“You’re right, you couldn’t save Thomas even after he saved you.” Reid’s expression turned to one of shock but Hotch kept going,

“But despite not saving him you still gave him something vital…” 

Reid looked confused now, “I don’t… I don’t understand what you're saying…”

Hotch’s expression softened, “Thomas is dead yes, but at least he died with his humanity back.” 

Reid still looked confused and so Hotch continued, “Thomas saved your life, but have you thought of why he did in the first place?”

“He told me it was because I was similar to him…”

“Exactly.” Hotch placed his hand on Reid’s knee and gave a rare smile, “You gave him back his humanity and empathy. He was able to make his own decision and break free from his brother’s insanity because of you… He may be dead but that doesn’t mean you didn’t save him.”

Reid’s face shifted to one of understanding and his lower lip trembled,

“It’s the same with Tobias. Tobias broke free from his father’s grasp and resuscitated you, because you gave him the strength to make his own decision. They’re both dead, but you have to remember that while they were alive they both gained something extremely important from you…” Hotch watched as Reid’s composure broke and a tear slipped down his cheek.

He was glad that he had seemed to get through to the other man… Death was an inevitability so it was best to focus on when they were alive. Hotch knew that from experience and after years of watching Reid struggle with his self worth he had finally gained the courage to say something.

Reid wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his cardigan and gave Hotch a shaky smile, “Thank you…” His voice was wobbly but Hotch could hear the gratefulness in it.

He realized he hadn't removed his hand from Reid’s knee but he didn’t feel the need to pull back just yet.

There was still more healing to be done and still more to be said, but for now Hotch felt happy… Things were okay.

He still had yet to tell Reid how much the younger man was like a son to him, but sitting there on the jet and flying back to Quantico, Hotch realized that maybe he didn’t need to say anything at all…

Because Reid already knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it is finished!!!
> 
> I had so much fun writing this and hearing all of your feedback really kept me going when I got discouraged. I'm not particularly good with writing fluff but I really felt like I needed to add some nice happy stuff at the end to make up for the absolute hell I put Spencer and the others through fbhdjshsh.
> 
> I know that the jump from Spencer being dead to alive was very sudden but there wasn't really any way to get around that, plus I hated writing about the characters grief when I knew he was alive lmao. 
> 
> I'm really proud of myself for finishing this and yet again thank you so much for all the kudos and comments. I read them all but sometimes forget/ get to anxious to respond to them but they really mean so much to me. This was my first fic in the cm fandom and after seeing how nice a everyone is I may just stick around for a bit :)))
> 
> That being said, I don't think I'll write any super big/multi chapter fics anytime soon since I'm absolutely exhausted from writing this, but you can probably expect some one shots in the future!
> 
> Thank you again <333


End file.
